Chapter 7: Lady of Security
- Feelings of Security
Why do women tend to “go after the guys”? Why do women experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to initiate and develop the relationship? You find the answer in one word: insecurity. Insecurity keeps a woman from experiencing consistent joy even within a relationship because a man cannot provide security, only God can.
Insecurity causes you to cling to a relationship. You feel lack of confidence unless you have a man. When he is not with you, you fear he will not come back or call again. You want him to make a commitment, so you will not lose him. You want all his time and attention. All your dreams, plans and goals revolve around him. Insecurity in a relationship can cause jealousy and bickering. It makes you lose your confidence when he looks at another woman.
Insecurity can cause you to be demanding and have unrealistic expectations of your relationship. When he hurts or disappoints you, you can be upset for days. You constantly feel the need to “define” your relationship and talk about your love for each other.
- Believing A Lie
Why do women feel they have to go after men? Many women have believed a lie. They think, “I must get the best for myself because God may not give it to me.” Ladies, God gave you the choice between His plans and yours. In the midst of her circumstances, Ruth could not have possibly seen that a man like Boaz would one day be her prince... neither can you with your limited perspective see who or where your prince will be. Only God has all things in view.
Are you trying to control your own life? Are you making plans for your life that only God should make? Don’t settle for less than God's best. Surrender the terrible burden of always needing life on your terms. Don’t look back one day and regret that you made your “life mate” choice from a limited perspective because you longed for the security of a relationship. God can and will give you His best if you wait for it.
- Secure Love
Women tend to struggle with insecurity because of the unique way God created them. God made every little girl with the need to love and be loved by her earthly father. God designs His world with a picture of a family as a theme. The father protects, loves and cares for his wife and their children. As a little girl, you may remember feeling the desire to be cherished. Loved and accepted by your daddy. If he failed to show that love to you in God's way, perhaps you continued to search for a man who would. Only Jesus who “is the same yesterday, today and forever,” will never disappoint or fail you (Heb 13:8)
Turn to your heavenly Father now. Pour out to Him your hearts longing to be loved. See His arms open wide and His empty lap ready to embrace and hold you near. He considers you dear. He longs to give you satisfying love. And only God's love brings security.
- Manipulation & Maneuvering
Manipulation & maneuvering can also take the form of serving as a “surrogate (substitute) helpmeet.” Many women want to marry as badly as they wanna go to heaven. They long to care for a man, so they run around trying to find at least a “generic” version of the real thing. These precious (but deceived) women constantly look for a man with a need and pounce on that need in hopes of eventually winning the affection of the man.
A “manipulator” may hear of a female friend who needs help and callously allow her to do without it. Allow God to use you to minister to brothers and sisters equally with no ulterior motives. Another form of maneuvering is to become the guy’s “mom.” Insecure females all too often deceives themselves into thinking because they do so much for a particular young men, they will surely win his love. WRONG! Why? Most men are used to the sacrifices of a woman. Good ol’ mom has been sacrificing for him since the womb. Sure, this young man will say, “Thanks,” but young men do not marry their mothers! When a woman does something really nice for a certain guy, he usually does not spend the rest of the day thinking about her unselfish service (he may accustomed to receiving). The woman may begin to feel used.
- Motive Check
This is not to say that you cannot do nice things for a man; it is simply a warning to check your motives. A woman with selfish motivation mentally plots the next maneuver to capture the attention of the man of her dreams. Ask the Lord to reveal any impure motive that resides in your heart. To keep your motives pure, check them daily. Proverbs 16:2 says, “All a man’s [woman’s] ways seems innocent to him [her], but motives are weighed by the Lord.”
Manipulation & maneuvering can be deadly. If you maneuver to get a man, you will have to maneuver to keep him! You recognize the difference between the two by discerning your motive. Refuse to be a member of the M&M (Manipulation & Maneuvering) Team!
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