DISABLED BUT NOT USELESS...

It’s the first time I'm at cell without Wai Ling around… Really miss her lotz *sob sob*… It will never be the same not having my best friend around… All the fun times we had, chats and secrets we share… She always lights up the whole place with her bubbly and outspoken personality, hehe… Unless I go visit her at her house, I won’t be able to see her that often anymore…

Having lived in BG for close to 2 years now, she had really learnt a lot about independence… Her confidence in herself despite being a disabled person is really something one should give credit for… She lost the use of her legs (paralyzed waist down) in an accident a couple years ago, but after much rehabilitation during her stay in BG, she’s no different than any other abled-bodied person… Because she is independent enuff in taking care of herself, it is time she moved out from BG, giving the opportunity to others to learn independence as well…

The one thing I love about her is her openness… Her friendliness is something I truly admire… It is through communicating with her that I learnt my mandarin vocab again… Most of the time we would arrange for a gathering or juz to hang out with others in the centre, like going out for a drink, movies during the weekends, or shopping with the girls, hehe… At the end of the day, it is the satisfaction that we had achieved somthin even the abled person can do… We have yet to plan a slumber at each other’s place, hehe… Now that my room is ready, a slumber night with her is next on my list… But according to her, that will also have to depend on her boyfriend’s schedule, since she would be depending on him for transport (her driver, hehe…) So, we’d have to see how each of our schedules go, where we can fit the slumbers in… Counting down the days…

A DAY AT THE MOST SICKENING PLACES ON EARTH!!

I’m finally back from that scary-looking hospital!! Like I said the other day, I have been going in and out of hospital since the age of 4 or 5, for operations, x-rays and whatever else… And now, even though it’s only for a night (my doctor requested I be an “experiment” for the medical students to present their practical exam), it still brings back the fear and phobia just by looking at all the patients and different cases… Drips, life-support machines, POP’s (cement plaster casts), metals and screws poking through their legs… *shudders*

Could have just gone in today, and get done with it… But don’t know why, my doctor wanted to admit me… Fine, I was admitted by about 4.30pm, and gosh, with nothing much to do, ten minutes is like one hour!! Thank God I brought my discman n a book… Just sat there on the bed, reading and rotating it with my Don Moen cd… Without anybody to keep me company, I had to do evrything by myself… Going to toilet, getting up and down the bed, getting water to drink… Thank God for His protection, really!!

Dinner was at 6pm!! Whoa, siau, how to eat, so early?? Didn’t eat much, though… Time dragged on again… Now, I’m beginning to miss my work, haha… Well, not exactly only work lar… Mainly my computer!! Parents called to check on me, chatted for a while, asked me to sleep early… Again, siau ar, 9.30pm!! At least 10.30pm is still not too bad… But then after an hour, I was awakened by the nurse!! Of all the reasons, to take my blood pressure and temperature… Gosh, gimme a break… I’m just gonna be there for two days, haihzz… Thank God it’s only two days… Imagine if I was admitted for some major opt or somthin… This whole ordeal is gonna torment me for months… How could anyone possibly take it?

Well, I was told to be ready by 7am, to be at the exam hall… The thing is, I wasn’t informed that the students will be drawing lots to see who gets to go first… Making a fool out of me, they made me wait, without telling me that my turn was supposed to be at 3pm… The interview (student doctor with patient) will last a whole draggy hour, followed by half an hour of presentation to the big guns (the lecturers and “big guns” from overseas)… freezing to death in there, I made request (sounded more like a complain, actually) that mine was moved half an hour ahead… reason being I gotta rush home to work, since I took half day off yesterday and today already… Request granted… But before they left, the local professor offered to sponsor me, meaning I don’t have to pay a single cent, for a pair of splint, which would really help in keeping my feet properly in shape!! I really do not know what to say, speechless!! Truly that was a blessing & the favor of God, coz if I were to purchase that splint myself, a whole year’s salary wouldn’t be enuff to pay for it!! All glory to God!! Thank God for His showers of favours after favours!!

Anyway, I’m safely back home now, but still praying that I will not have to go through all these ordeal all over again… Went through more than enuff of it 11 years ago… The history is still fresh in my head, no thanx to another batch of sufferings!! Haihzz… Erase, Cancel, Delete… Don’t think about it anymore, Elaine!! It’s painful talking about the past, with the emotional scars still fresh (which sometimes bring tears, I admit)…But it’s TRULY comforting and reassuring to know that God the Father knows what’s in my heart… And that He knows BEST!!

HATE HOSPITALS... GRRGHHH...

Whoa, STRESS!! Wonder what’s wrong with dbsys today… Can’t seem to sign in!! Was actually thinking of working as much as I could before admitting to UH in the afternoon, sigh… Kinda restless not being able to work (or at least do SOMTHIN!!)… But thank God, there’s still Yahoo!, Friendster & MSN, heheh… So, instead of working, the lazy gurl here is actually wasting her time, chatting and who-knows-what-else, heheh…

Not knowing what to expect during the admission later… I’m gonna be sooo bored there, doin nothing!! No work, no tv, no msn… Sian ar!! Cut off from social life!! Hahahaha, juz kidding!! The medical students who were supposed to be doin their practical test will be going on their rounds to the “guinea pigs” like me, juz being there for them to poke and test… then ask this and that, whoa… That’s history repeating itself!! Exactly what happened more than 10 yrs ago, when I was a kid…

Comin on their daily rounds, they will start asking “What happened? Can you tell us a lil more about your history?” bla bla… I guess I’m prepared for that, anyway… Heard that umpteen times ever since I was a kid, and my mom doin the explaining, so much so I could actually re-tell the whole history of my falling sick (which is really kinda sad to talk back about it, but the “damage” has been done, so we can’t cry over spilt milk, right?), hahaha… But this time around, I’m gonna be alone, coz it’s an adult ward, so no one’s allowed to keep the patients company, except for visiting hours, of course… Sigh, it’s definitely gonna be two long days in there…

But anywayz, I shall make full use of my time there (while praying & hoping that time will fly faster)… MP3, books, my hand phone, hehe!! See how it goes then... Probably I could make a few new friends, and add them to my existing circle, we never know, right? God can just work in ways we never know or even expect…

APPRECIATION NITE...

Finally got down to writing, sigh… After so long!! Well, first thing’s first… The retreat was so-so, managed to hang out and chat with Rachel Teng… Quite close to her despite the 7 years of age gap, at least we still have things in common to chat about, hehe…

Got a call from a friend from BG while I was there… I must admit that it truly made my day, hehe… Err, made my night, to be exact, hehe… Words of appreciation juz came so directly from this friend… I had to confess that I felt a lil shy, because of the praises that was given, but it feels really great to be appreciated!! Chatted for about half an hour (I actually couldn’t sleep… brains are still actively working, thinking way ahead about the dinner the next day)…

All I had in mind was the dinner at One U, so I didn’t really pack enuff for PD… Didn’t bring my swimsuit, so couldn’t enter the pool (actually, I didn’t plan to swim)… Well, the day really dragged on… My family was scheduled to leave at 3pm to rush home for my dinner, but then it really stressed me out when 3pm came and none of my family members were in sight… Anyway, we left at 3.50pm… Can you imagine? More than 45 minutes later than scheduled… What if there was a traffic jam? So, I started praying REAL hard, and thank God, the traffic was clear ALL THE WAY!!

We were just a lil late for the dinner, but better to be late than never… Met up with all the 14 friends who went on air for the interview, had some other programs and of course, not forgetting the lucky draw!! They started calling out names and I was praying that an English name will be called (all of them there, both the disabled and their parents, registered themselves using their mandarin names – including me… the only couple who had English names were my parents)… God really heard us, and the next minute I heard “Susan” being called!! I was like, “Wow!!”

Anyway, we really had a good time… Or at least I really had a good time!! It was a time where we could really express our gratitude towards our parents for having perservered through the hard times, taking care of us, “special” children… Really, it truly takes love patience and A LOT of endurance to go on taking care of us…

Now, like I mentioned earlier, I was excited about meeting both my deejays… Though one of them couldn’t make it because she had to be on duty (on air), the other one was there and I managed to still have a short chat with him… And a few others, of course!! Friendly bunch of people…

It was truly a WONDERFUL experience for me, personally… Both my parents and I were dead tired when we arrived home, but I truly admit that these were all worth while… I actually made a silent promise to myself to be more active in their (BG) activities… The satisfaction of contributing and giving is much better than taking and receiving!! Thank God for showing me new things, so I can learn as I grow…

NEW ENVIRONMENT, NEW EXPERIENCE...

My room’s finally, officially ready (with my choice of very light blue and cream for the walls), with my bed, cupboard, computer and study table nicely in place!! Thanx to my dad, the handyman, evrything fits in well and good!!

Looks much neater and a lil more spacious compared to previously… And this comment is given by my sis, the expert in designing!! Better believe it when she says so… Her taste in fashion rawks, I tell you!! Anyway, I have yet to personalize it, but that would have to be next week…

For now, all I have in mind is the retreat in PD… My parent’s cell (the members and their family) will be coming together for a time of fellowship… Leaving tonight after my brother’s tuition, and coming home tomorrow, probably after lunch, so as to be in time for my dinner in One U…

It is just a simple gathering where all my disabled friends (including myself, of course) who had the chance to go on air on popular radio station, AI FM (formerly known as Radio 5), to come together and show gratitude to our parents for caring SOOO much for us, thru the years... Tough job, you know… Anywayz, I really can’t wait to meet up with all the deejays, especially the two of them who interviewed me on the 30th April…

It was a REALLY good experience for me… Exposing myself to something SOOO new is really scary… But I decided to give it a shot, which I would have regretted if I hadn’t accepted the offer, really… A bit jittery at first, mainly because I knew very well I had to converse in mandarin… But the deejays were so helpful and encouraging, in the sense that wheneva they see me giving faces and signals (which means I got “stuck” with my mandarin vocab), they would juz chip in and help me with continuing my story… Made two new deejay friends already, so easy!!

Well, that’s the squeezed-up, compressed version of my on-air-story… Email me if you wanna know more… Gotta get back to work before my boss “whacks” me… Adios!!

A FRUITFUL DAY AT MY FAVOURITE HANG-OUT

Wai ling!! Just when I wanted to hang out and have a chat with you, and you’re no where in sight, sigh… Well, you were the one who said we haven’t hung out for a while and just when I wanted to grant you your wish, you disappeared to “who-knows-where”, haihzz…

It has been a long day, juz awaiting nightfall, so I could go shake my stress off at BG, stress from all angle… Just to hang out and spend my time there with my friends is so fulfilling, I tell you… But then, when I found out that Wai Ling’s not gonna be there, my excitements kinda drop one level, although I know very well that all she’ll say is, “You still have other friends besides me, so why worry…” A close friend will always remain a close friend, and no matter what, no one could ever replace that closeness, the bond that we share…

But, I refused to let that ruin my time there, and decided to make full use of every minute… I got to know a little more about this friend, Weng… A sweet person he is, really takes the initiative to care for every aspect of someone he treats as friend… Spiritual, emotional, social… Opened up to him a lot, within these couple weeks… The feeling of having someone you can trust your problems n secrets with without worrying that it will spread like wild fire is just so fulfilling…

We could really click well, especially with both of us speaking the same dialect… It’s like you feel so at home with someone of the same clan, hehe… Time flies, and it was a little more than half an hour after cell since we started chatting… time to go home… sweet fella, I’ll make sure to keep him as a friend for the rest of my life!! A promise to myself before I went to bed… ZZzzzzz…

HAND IN HAND

Music by Michael Veerapen
Lyrics by Rodney Louis Vincent


A hand is only a hand
Until it touches a heart
A hand is only a hand
Until it plays its part
A hand is only a hand
Until it wipes away a tear
It’s only a hand until takes away a fear.

Your hand is only a hand
Until it stands for the weak
It’s only a hand until it spreads the joy we seek
Your hand is only a hand
Until it brings about a smile
It’s only a hand until it loves a little child.

* Put your hand in mine, and we’ll make a change
Put your hand in mine, we’ll reach our neighbours
Touching hearts, joining hands,
Coming together, making a stand
Put your hand in mine,
And we can build a world, filled with love.

Your hand can make a friend,
Bring peace, trust n cheer,
Stand tall above the crowd and lead without fear
The world is waiting for you,
They need to know you care,
So open your heart bcoz it all begins with love.

^ I will start with myself
I will reach out my hand
And spread the hope and joy across the land.