Falling in love??

If falling in love means hurting the other person in the process, I’d rather not fall in love ever again. If falling in love merely means breaking hearts, including that of my own, I’d rather not fall in love ever again.

I know no one is perfect, but then again, I can’t deny the fact that I am even more imperfect because of an obvious disability. Perhaps I will never be good enough for a physically perfect partner. I finally know what I want.

If it is right for me to give my heart away, I want to give it to the right person. If my first choice was never the right one to begin with in the eyes of other people, then my other choices following the first one will never be right.

Therefore, I promise not to fall in love again, unless I can be sure I will never break an innocent heart again. It is tough, I know, but it would be better than cracking a hole in that innocent little heart, and striving to mend it again.

Comparisons...

I don’t deny the fact that I have made comparisons many many times in my life. Comparisons of things and situations in my life with that of others. Others live a life that I am envious of. More often than not, I get feedbacks that are to the contrary. Just a few days back, as I was chatting with a close friend about life as a disabled, I found out that she also had an envious feeling towards me for the things I had that she did not have.

I know he cares a lot for me, but unfortunately, I have hurt him time and again :-( I know the reason why I made such a decision… I know what I want… I do not wish to be hurt, but I have hurt him yet again :-( I couldn’t help it but went emo again after the msn conversation with Ling Lee…琳荔， 别笑我没用哦， 呵呵。。

Finally, some friends began to get the picture of my living life with family. Not that I am not appreciative or complaining. Just that I want some space to do certain things the way I feel comfortable. Comparisons about living with and without family, comparisons about the treatments from different groups of people, be it family, friends or even outsiders… Haih… I just wish I wouldn’t be so helpless… Gosh, I feel the tears again :-(

Friends just tell me to pray, pray and pray more… and most importantly hang on to God, never give up… I have to bare myself to say that whenever it comes to this particular issue or subject, I feel spiritually dry :-( I don’t see where the improvement is when all they do is “reject” my guy friends whom I am close to… not for any other reason except the obvious fact that they are OKUs. What the crap? Why the bloody discrimination? What comparisons can you make between a disabled and a non disabled? How much better can you guarantee that a non disabled be compared to a disabled?

What is all this shit? 琳荔， 你说我好幸福， 你羡慕我。。 以后不要再羡慕我了哦， 因为我所面对的完全和你相反， 呵呵。。