After becoming a Christian, Jackie found herself ashamed of her lack of a proper upbringing. She says this:
“I knew I had been forgiven for the past, but I often wrestled with the feelings of being damaged goods. I found myself envying other girls who were from godly homes and great heritages, spiritually. Whenever I would be introduced to a wonderful Christian guy, I would immediately think, ‘I'm not good enuff.’
This was exactly how I felt when I first met my husband. He had asked Jesus to take control of his life at the young age of 11. He went to church faithfully; he never smoked, drank or fooled around sexually. His high standards were very intimidating to me. Throughout the years of our friendship, I knew he would never date me because of my imperfect past and ungodly family.
Ungodly cycles can be broken. Your destiny is not something that is left to chance for fate; it is the product of wise choices.
- Standard Bearer
May we go back to the basics for just a moment? What is a conviction and how does one develop biblical convictions? A conviction is a standard that serves as a springboard for your choices. Consider where your standards, in the area of relating and dating, originated. Are your standards based more on Hollywood’s terms of love and romance, or have you allowed God's Holy Word to shape your perspective?
The Lady of Conviction gives the Lord permission to renew her mind on a daily basis. She spends time searching the Word of God for standards that will guide her safely to God's best. She has made a significant choice as godly woman. She has surrendered her mind to a new persuasion: God's perspective on love and romance. The convictions that she establishes, based on the Word, allow her to resist being squeezed into the mold of this world. She is a non-conformist in a biblical sense, as in Romans 12:2 which says, “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.”
- Avoiding Bozos
What is a Bozo? A Bozo is a guy whose outward appearance is a façade. It is hard to discern who he really is becoz of the “makeup and costume” he wears. What he appears to be physically, socially and even spiritually is just a performance. A Bozo is a counterfeit of a Boaz. Your standards and convictions will help you recognize the difference. The remaining of this chapter will accentuate the genuine Boaz. Concentrating on the real thing will make the Bozos more apparent.
Clear standards for dating and relating will guard you against compromise and making wrong choices out of sudden emotion rather than a God-directed will. These guidelines for your dating friendships will keep God as your focus rather than allowing the guy to become the focus (idol). To guard you against haphazard meetings or just the “WF’s” (weird feelings) in your heart, you need standards for which you will be accountable. Once you have set dating standards and understand the significance of a constant motive check, (daily bringing the flutters in your heart to the Lord), you are ready to consider other guidelines for successful dating and relating.
- The Man-Worth-Waiting-For
How would you describe the ideal man? Before considering the specific qualities found in a Boaz, one should deal with certain physical stereotypes. Whether you have been looking for a guy who is a bronzed, blue-eyed blonde (“BBB”) or is tall, dark and handsome (“TDH”), you need to surrender your desires to the Lord. You wanna marry someone for the qualities he possesses now, not for the qualities you hope he will develop. The most common mistake made by marriage partners is marrying someone they intend to change. A single woman can sidestep a lifetime of tragedy by seriously considering these characteristics in a prospective steady date.
· Puts the needs of others ahead of his own. This man accepts people just the way they are, loving others even when his love is not returned. He will continue to love someone because of his commitment to that person, not because of how he feels. (Phil 2:3 – 4)
· Rejoices in his relationship with Christ. You don’t have to ask this man if he is a Christian. His joy in the Lord is evident in his life. (Jn 15:11)
· Maintains proper relationships. This man seeks a good relationship with everyone – from his friends to his parents. He listens to differing perspectives without feeling threatened. He has the strength to back of from a fight. He works to forgive wrongs done to him and seeks to make his own offenses right. He will not hold a grudge. (Heb 12:14)
· Refuses to jump ahead of God's timing. He is not so eager to become someone, do something or have something that he cannot wait on God's timing. He chooses against impulsiveness so he may be in the exact center of God's will. (Ps 37:7)
· Seeks to meet the practical needs of others. He is not so self-absorbed that he cannot make time for the needy. He is interested in the welfare of others and is willing to give his time, money and energy for their benefit. (Eph 4:32)
· Stands for what is right. He hates anything contrary to God's Holy character. He is known as a man of integrity by those with whom he works. (Rom 2:9 – 10)
· Follows through on his God-given responsibilities. He uses the talents God has given him and realizes that “he + Jesus = adequacy for any God-given job.” He is neither over-confident nor absorbed with feelings of inferiority. He is not a dreamer, wishing for more ability, but a diligent stewards of the talents he has been given. This man is dependable and stays with even a difficult task until it is completed. (1 Cor 4:2)
· Understands the importance of feelings & emotions. Some women may find themselves attracted to a demanding man assuming that his dominance will be their security. Others may marry a doormat they can dominate, but inevitably end up despising the man’s weakness. A gentle man is the best of both; he takes the initiative to lead, but tempers it with gentle responses toward the other’s feelings. (Col 3:12)
· Flees temptations to compromise. This man refuses to be in situations that are sensual, immoral, or impure. He does not entertain friendships that lead to drunkenness or carousing. He avoids talk that could cause str9ife or jealousy. This man does not allow a temper to control him or anger to destroy him. (Pro 25:28)
These qualities are not unrealistic ideals. When a man follows Jesus, the Holy Spirit works these into his life. In fact, you can read this list again and match the fruit of the Spirit with the appropriate characteristics. A man of God is one who works toward being conformed to the character of Christ. But be careful when a quality of God's Spirit is completely missing in a man’s life and he is unwilling to deal with it before marriage.
Do you wanna marry a knight in shining armor? Then set your standards high. To be married to a man who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him is one of life’s highest privileges. It is worth whatever wait, whatever cost. Nail down your convictions and refuse to compromise by dating men who are not controlled by God's Holy Sprit.
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