Stressful rigidity…

I never believed in the enforcement of rigid rules and inflexible ways of dealing with something, or anything at all for that matter. Especially when there is nothing to do with life or death. Why so hard on rules which will make the life of others difficult as well? Haha. Perhaps coming from the mouth of a Phlegmatic like me may be a little surprising since Phleggies are “followers” and will just go with the flow rather than having the trouble of leading or even thinking up something.

I know it is just their personality but it just irritates me when someone insist on rigidly following suit to an earlier plan rather than go with the flow. If you don’t see a possibility in one way, try another. Even when u don’t see an “open door” to a certain situation, perhaps the best way is to use another “door” that u know will eventually lead to the same exit. I have been put in charge of handling a certain department, and this being my first time, it is difficult for me to start something. But once it gets started, I’ll go with the flow. So, why not just go with the flow, even if it means changing focus? I think the best thing to do is to leave the options open for another to chip some ideas in. I’m tired, haha.

Well, let’s forget the stress. She shall take care of it herself if she wishes to do so. On an unrelated matter, someone turns 22 today. Okok, sounds so stranger-ish. No stranger la. He is a good friend of mine, none other than Wei Sern. Today, in Australian time, which is two hours ahead. So at 10 p.m. Malaysian time just now, I surprised him by ringing him, haha. Glad to hear that he is coping well and in no time coming back. Weeee~ I am waiting, haha. I’m counting on you, dear. I’m sure u know what I mean. Kekeke. So yea, all the best for greater things ahead. 22 years and definitely getting better. Cheers!

Sushi, Udon, Sashimi, Teppanyaki... And everything Jap!!

I suddenly have a craving for Japanese food, haha. Give me an inch, I want a foot. Hmm. I guess the farewell lunch last week made the mark. Then I stumbled upon one of the entries in the MoNSTerBlog, a collaboration between the News Straits Times and Jaring. Sushi? Oooo, haha. Let’s pray hard that Connor would suggest something different for the next birthday bash. Some place that offers sushi *winkz* Then, I would be more than grateful. When time comes, and that really happens you will know why.

Perhaps I should learn how to make them myself, kekeke. Now that it has become one of my favourites, I should learn how to pamper myself with it regularly. Who knows I may decide to take only sushi as my main meal, if I will ever be selected for Duskin again this year :p well, I am applying again, so who knows? I am just getting accustomed to more Japanese food for now. Udon is not a bad idea too. Wahaha XD

A FIRST TRY…

It’s been a while since I baked/made something to eat. The last time was 10 months ago, at a Praise Giver’s BBQ appreciation nite. Back then, I had just started my occupational therapy in “making my own breakfast”, so what other simple breakfast other than egg mayo sandwich. It was a good experience, doing everything on my own from the preparation to the cleaning up.

More than a week ago, my mom made some muffins for a friend’s birthday. Freshly out of the microwave, it smells great. It tastes great too. Having promised another friend that I would make him a treat, he had preferred it to be a surprise rather than rigidly telling me what he wanted. So, the idea came that instead of making sandwiches again, I would give it a try making this new recipe *winkz*

Evie had tried it as well, and she suggested that this could be our next specialty for next year’s Carnival. Hmm. Anyway, here’s my humble mix of blueberry & strawberry muffin. I think the blueberry tastes nicer, heh.

Stagnant is no good…

The Bible clearly state that there is a time for everything. Which includes a time to retreat and a time to progress. But it did not mention a time to remain stagnant. Indeed I have progressed quite abit mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But yet I feel like I am so stagnant in a very different way. Perhaps no one will EVER know or understand how I feel except God Himself. I want to move forward, but yet I cant seem to have the strength to do so. I want to turn back time, but I know it is impossible (unless miracle of miracles, God allows it la). What has happened, happened for a reason. It is no point opening that chapter of my life again. It is juzt there for memories.

It is frustrating to be left “hanging in mid air”, not moving any forward. People always say, “talk about it and you’ll feel much better.” I don’t think so. If talking about it makes things better, I wouldn’t mind spilling my heart out. I know there are a couple of really trustworthy buddies who will be all ears if I needed them. But they are not God to make it a miracle for me, so what is the point? People are excited for me, but then again, they don’t know how I really, really feel. I’m tired, literally!! Although, of course everything else is going fine, maybe I just happen to feel abit emo at this particular point. Perhaps it’s just the feeling of getting stuck in the middle. Haha.

Can I say I want out, Lord? Out of all these headaches. Heh.

More than just a job…

I’ve never realize how time flies by so quickly. 9 months ago on the 25th of January 2006, I was all jittery and nervous, not knowing what to expect, when I was selected to work for JICA project, collaboration with the Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat Malaysia. 9 months down the road, I feel a sense of lost when I have to give it up for a better job elsewhere. But then again, people grow and progress from one level to another. Perhaps this new job is a foundation on which my future will be built.

Today is my last day and I will definitely miss everything that has got to do with JICA, or even JKM. When I broke the news to Kenji, he was all smiles for the fact that I found something that will benefit me better. Now he has to go in search for another assistant, haha. I had to follow up on outstanding task and assignments before leaving, so it was quite a busy day for me. Nevertheless, lunch break was really good. He’d told another pegawai OKU, Joy, about my leaving, and had asked her to come along for a small farewell lunch. It was simple yet awesome, I must say. He suggested Japanese food, and yeap, it totally suits me, haha. The sushi was the best, hehe. Thanks, Kenji. Thanks, Joy!!

This job is definitely more than just a job. It is a learning ground. It is also a character building tool. It is a stress relieving station, albeit it’s a work place, somewhere away from home. A place where I get to release “things” out of my mind when Kenji decides to get me talking about unavoidable life’s events. I’ll definitely miss such a caring “counselor” when advice and opinions are needed. He had said that if I were to ever decide to go back and work with him, I am always welcomed, haha.

Whatever it is, I am grateful for that support. A promise I make. To God, to my loved ones, to Kenji and to myself: I will do my very best, for a job that I will love *winkz* thanx Mi & Di!! Arigato gozaimasu, Kuno-san!! Stay in touch!!

Some things got to go in order for new ones to come in…

…is something I mentioned two entries ago, and now so many things really have to go. The comfort of working from my very own room, the freedom of catching up on repeats of chinese series that I might miss. The liberty of taking one (or even half) day off, just to lepak. The worst part is I might have to miss leaders retreat :’(( All these fun has got to go in replacement of a new job. But I believe everything good comes with a cost, or we will not learn. I had specifically wanted a new job, an office job if possible, something totally different from what I am already doing right now. Most importantly, nothing to do with streamyx at all. And yes, you guessed it. I got myself just that *winkz*

A friend of my mom called to ask if my sis has any friends who would be interested to work. The minute I heard that it was an office job, my eyes lit up in excitement. So instead of asking around my sister’s friends, my mom mentioned me to her friend. To cut the story short, last Thursday I was asked to go have a look at the environment of the office. After testing out the practicality of the job requirements and specification, I knew very well I wanted it. I even had a short, unexpected interview with the director. Then and there, they said that I got the job. For formality’s sake, they called again the next day to inform that I was to start work in November. Walao!!

Now to inform Nick, my telemarketing superior. This week would also be the last week of me going to KL working for Kenji. Hmm.

[addition: that same Thursday night, my mom went for prayer meet. The prophet W. Madukwe said something like, “This same time tmrw, you will receive a miracle!” Walao, how wonderful is that? True enough, that same time the next day, my “miracle” came *winkz*]

But one thing he said during service yesterday that I will take hold of: YOUR TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER THAN TODAY!!

Not only in terms of career, but I believe in every aspects as well, heheeee~

1) This is my desire, to honor You
Lord, with all my heart, I worship You
All I have within me, I give You praise
All that I adore is in You

Lord, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord, have Your way in me.

2) You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depths of Your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty, enthroned above

And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You.

My Jesus matters more…

Is it true that after you’ve reached a certain age, your status is something to “worry” about? Single, Attached, or “In the process”? It tickled me to see how concern one can get about me where this issue is concerned. I have left this issue behind my mind for some time now, also leaving it in God’s hands. Like Alvin said, “Leaving this department to God.” But ever so recently Kenji decided to be cheeky and started asking me about how I was progressing. Hmm. Not that I mind. It just shows that he is concerned, heh.

It is something rare for a superior to ask his employee about very personal stuff. Not with Kenji though, haha. He asked, he listened. He teased. He also commented. Very sporting, I would say. Since he asked, I shared with him bits and pieces of what has been happening. Conversations with him about relationship issues has really made me think of my own mentality and standards and what I really wanted as far as such a commitment is concerned. [ooh, I found out that he doesn’t only interrogate me. According to him, his other assistant, Siti, gets “equal treatment” as well. Hmm.] Ok la, interrogate is a wrong word. Let’s just say he is curious :p

No doubt, I cannot avoid this topic forever. People tell me I’ve “got to start somewhere.” But it is easier said than done. Many of my friends have shared their experiences with me, which is really a good eye opener. Being in a relationship requires a lot from both parties and the main question is “Am I ready?” “Is he (whoever he is) ready?” Perhaps I appear to look cool and calm about this whole issue. That is merely because I have decided to “let God be God” and “leave this department to Him.” Quoting my sis and Alvin respectively there, hehe.

For now, my Jesus matters more *winkz*