DREAMS, SIGNS & CONFIRMATIONS?

She must be on Cloud 9 now, haha. Is she still thinking very much about it? I know I am, although I have zero connection to it. My sis has been ranting to me about a certain something which has been in her heart for quite some time now. I knew how much this thing meant to her. I know very well how she felt. And I know how she feels even right now. It takes one to be in the shoes of another person to know how he or she feels. What does it mean for me to have that dream for my sis? Was God trying to tell her something through me? Was God trying to show ME something? What is the lesson that He was trying to get across to both of us?

In the wee hours of early last Friday, I had a dream. I dreamt about my sis getting this particular wish of hers granted, right in her face. Oh, man. So sweet. [okok, I better be careful not to reveal too much, but all I can say is that the guy that she has been eyeing for some time now asked her for a chance to be more than friends. aaawww. I was with her at some place having fun with each of own our friends, that was when she came to me with the news.] It was very clear, how the dream went. I even remembered what outfit she wore at that time. Can you imagine? I woke up with my heart beating so fast, just feeling so excited for her. Excited to tell her about it. For goodness sake Elaine, just be patient and let her get back from college first, will you? Haha. One thing I know, the dream did not have an ending. Hish, why so potong stim? *lol* As I was pondering on the halfway dream, the question of “why didn’t the dream have an ending?” came up. Out of nowhere, it just dawned on me that it was entirely up to her to decide how she wanted the ending to be. Probably there was a message God was trying to get through to her. Probably He wanted to teach her something.

Could it be a first sign from God? Well, from all that she has told me about this guy, he seems a very decent person, sweet too, heee~ He loves the Lord very much, and he is very passionate about his ministry. I felt strongly so, but I didn’t want to give her too high hopes. Is there going to be a second and third sign? A confirmation? I know how it feels to have hopes crushed, so I didn’t want that to happen to her. All I know was that I too longed for dreams that will come to past. Something that I have been wishing for to come to reality. How nice would it have been if that dream was meant for myself? Better still how beautiful it will be to have my sis dream that of me, because most of the times, her dreams had come to past before. Not only dreams. In fact she can “see and sense” things. She would tell me that this or that is not right for me, and true enough after a certain amount of time, I see that truth revealed. Or she would so earnestly encourage me to go for it because she’d somehow sensed that it was something good for me. I wished I had that ability, Esther, haha.

I wish for the best for you *winkz* hold on to it. Whether or not God will bring it to past, all you have to do is seek His will. Okay? Will be praying along with you, girl. I want a nice person to be my brother-in-law. So far so good, hmm. Gosh, I can’t believe I am the one feeling the excitement, heh. When can I have my turn? :p

T.H.E Carnival is back!

This might be the first time for me but it is definitely nothing new for DUMC-ians as they witness the comeback of this event (view more about it here. I was so semangat about it then, but now? Plans changed. It clashes with a family trip to Genting, hmm. Anyway, I think Genting should be something good for me la. I do need a break. Mental break, heh.

It was finalised that Light House will be in charge of a stall. They have settled on selling burger, haha. They even came up with a name for the stall. Or is it the burger, heh. Connor’s burger, it shall be. No, burger Connor sounds better (burger corner actually. Heh). As a cell, we did some research last two weeks and having observed how the preparation was done by a random roadside burger man, we all got down to serious work last Friday, and our dear cell leader did a great job cooking the burger for a test run after cell two days ago. I loved the cheese, haha. Way to go, Connor!!

There’s the “goreng” duty, the “bungkus” duty and the cashier. Jaga money is quite a dangerous job, haha. Well, I was actually scheduled for first shift on Saturday and first and third shift on Sunday. But looks like I could only be on time for the third on Sunday since we would only be leaving Genting latest by 11 a.m. then stay for our Royal Rangers year end closing party with the kids. Looks like I have to rush straight for DUMC after rangers. Better than nothing la, hehe. So, hopefully I will still have some energy left for the carnival.

Updates to come after the event, next week *winkz*

Recuperating…

It’s been a while. About a month. I will never know how much longer this journey will take but am I actually beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel? Am I anywhere near the top of the well that I have fallen from? Or a better picture would be am I swimming to shore again after a heavy storm that caused my boat to overturn and with me drowning? I sure hope so. It’s been inside me for goodness-knows-how-long and it sure feels good to let it all out. Although I don’t see the result of it yet, I know for sure that things will come to light soon, if not right now.

Perhaps the bowling event did its magic trick on me, haha. Well, anyway, yesterday was a day of reflection for me. As I received the weekly issue of SURGE from Evie, I can’t help feeling guilt pangs all over me. Some how or other, I found myself relating to the HEARTCRY portion, probably only in a slightly different manner. No, I definitely did not have a friend pass away but the isi tersirat was there la. In more sense than one, it was “speaking” to me. Then as I was chatting with her online late last night, she reminded me again of this article. A question for me to ponder DEEP: Who is in control?

Then, as I was watching the Chinese series on Astro Wah Lai Toi, nothing else was as outstanding as the comment this guy gave when he was fishing with his buddy. I remembered it in Cantonese. Let’s see if the translation makes any sense at all: FISHING DOESN’T NECESSARILY SEE YOU TO AN OUTCOME, MOST IMPORTANTLY TO ENJOY THE PROCESS OF IT (made any sense here? Haha). In other words, life’s events doesn’t necessarily always turn out good. Whether the results are positive or negative, it’s all for His glory. What’s important is the LESSONS WE LEARNT IN THE PROCESS.

Right this moment, my sis is letting this song play repeatedly on the computer. Perhaps God is saying I needed to get the meaning of this song drilled in my head.

There is a longing, only You can fill
A raging tempest, only You can still
My soul is thirsty lord to know you as I’m known
Drink from the river that flows before your throne

** Take me deeper, deeper in love with You
Jesus, hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper, deeper than I’ve ever been before
I just wanna love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Sunrise to sunrise, I can see Your face
Drawn by the spirit, to the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in you a hope that will abide
Here in your presence forever satisfied

Ooh yah, Esther, I’m so excited for you about the dream I got *winkz* I know how you feel. But if it’s something worth it, never let it past, ok? Whatever it is, pray about it yah? I sokong you… Mmmuuuaaahh *lol*

Edited: remember I said I was chatting with Evie online that night? Well, she was multi tasking, hehe. While chatting, she was preparing for worship for the next day. Believe it or not, when I look at the song sheet, this very same song was staring back at me. Goosebumps, haha. It definitely has to be God. I thought I felt distant from Him. But yet He was right there. I failed! I’m a miserable failure, but yet He was so gracious to point the truth out to me. I promise. I promise to climb back up, ok?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, J-SON!!

[this post is almost a week late because of the problematic streamyx connection. Grrrggh!!]

Lynda, the Praise Givers birthday organizer had planned for a surprised birthday gathering for their beloved cell leader, J-Son and had invited Light House to join in the fun. To go or not to go? Contemplating between the two I had initially settled on the latter since I was working in JICA on that same day. Besides I did feel a little tired in every sense – physically, mentally and emotionally. But after much thinking, I decided that staying home wouldn’t help much either so I might as well just be around some fun.

I lost the video that I took on the joke they played on J-Son, so no chance of viewing. All I know is that poor J-Son was sporting enough to play along to it. One thing I noticed is that with DUMC young adults, there’s no escaping your birthday “torture”, haha.

OMG!! I cant believe they got me this thing and made me look 9 instead of 29, haih…

You guys better be careful ar, bullying me like that… I’m your cell leader, you know? Haha…

They made him some “special drink” and got him to take it down. Look at his fearful face, haha.


Eeeww, what’s this?? Am I really supposed to take it down?



Now, what else are they up to?? God, help me!!


Well, there begins my “nightmare”.

The fact that they were willing to spend extra cash on an extra birthday cake proved it all, heh. The cake was meant for his whole head to be smashed in it *lol*

an occasional “facial mask” is good for your face la, J-Son!

Well, only to have dinner at Marco’s Pizza was not enough. Their next plan was bowling at One Utama. Three teams compete: The Praise Givers, Light House and our special guest featuring the Father’s Garden.

I had actually wanted to give it a try, just one shot at the pins. Something new for me, who knows? But even the lightest ball was heavy for my strong right arm, hmm. I wanted to find an excuse to let out and I thought hitting the pins was a good way, haha. Well, I guess sitting there looking at them score should be good enough. I would occasionally let out a cheer for whichever team hits it, but that’s about it. The fun stops there. One from the Praise Givers and another from Father’s Garden came by to see how I was doing, but sorry my dears, I wasn’t up for any small chats then, heh. So anyway, we had some first timers and a few other experts. But all were seen putting great effort in to win the championship.

Anyways, more “surprises” for him at the bowling arena. With that board in hand, he was supposed to go round getting signatures of 17 different people. Strangers were friendly and sporting enough to comply to it, heh. With a few supporters following closely behind showing encouragement, he was game enough to be willing to be “tortured and humiliated” (that is what I love him for – his sporting attitude ;p). I bet it was more fun having his darling Esther tagging closely behind, occasionally encouraging and cheering for him.

After 2 whole games, we finally had a winner. The Praise Givers were unbelievable, Father’s Garden equally fantastic. Ooh, Light House just rock for winning the championship, hehe. What else, pose abit lah, keke. So we present to you the champions for this round: (L to R) Peter, his darling Nicole, J-Son the birthday boy, Connor, Roland (he's Alvin Toh's cousin from another cell in another totally different zone, so since he doesn’t have a team, the Light House gang pulled him in with them), Evie and myself juz stealing the lime light, haha.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, J-Son!!

Finally, this is the “real” cake.

She is Lynda Ling, the “culprit” behind all this. Good job, Lynda. I think I might need to get you to impart in me some ideas like that. Half as crazy is more than enough. Haha. Or maybe I just get you to plan for my next member’s birthday *winkz*

And so, I present to u the MD’s (Mommy & Daddy) of Praise Givers cell group. Aren’t they a sweet couple? Aaawww…

MY BUNCH OF BLESSINGS!!

My little cuties have been practicing hard for our Selangor #7 Royal Rangers anniversary coming up this Sunday. Here’s a video of the complete last dance practice before they stand in front of the whole congregation of their parents & a few other invited outpost. What an adorable little lot *winkz*

[Sorry if the retrieving of the video takes too long.]

Although they may get a little on my nerve sometimes and start creating havoc in the class, generally they are a bunch of sweeties. The Ranger Kids’ outpost comprises of 5- to 8-year-olds. Their characters and behaviors vary from one another where some may be older in age, but not in maturity sense. Others may be young but they take on the matured mentality of a 7- or 8-year-old. A handful of the older ones, who have been with us in this outpost for a few years now have learnt the art of putting what they have learnt into actions. They have learnt to be courteous, helping to look out for the welfare of one another.

Royal Rangers is not only a place where the kids learn about God and outdoor survival skills. It is also about character building. Moulding them into who God wants them to be, indeed we have seen results in a few of them. They also learn to respect one another, be it with their peers or with the commanders. I, for one, have learnt that relationships can be built from every level. With relationships first with my children, I could go another level with their parents. Interactions with the adults give me a better view into the lives of the kids under me. Or vice versa if I want to get to know more about the parents. I still remembered the “warm welcome” they had given me, haha. As I returned last 2 weeks after two months of sabbatical, a few of them who are very attached to me came jumping in position on my lap, hugging me and demanded an explanation as to why I was missing for sooo long. Hmm, where did they learnt that from…


Anyways, I saw the dance for the first time 2 weeks ago. Goodness, they were so adorable. Commander Wendy, the dance instructor, really picked the group leaders well. They can really pose & shake, I tell you! Especially Hannah and Alycia, heh. They all looked so hot, especially with that James Bond pose at one part of the dance. Go, kids!! You can do it!!



As they repeated the dance again for the second practice, I happened to notice Kher Huey, as she was one of the leaders in front. As I was just looking at her, I couldn’t help but feel sad for her. She might be putting up a strong front, but deep down I know she was broken. I could see that look on her face when she met me to tell me that her mom had passed away. She only has her aunt to look after her now. Being the only child, I could feel her loneliness. Fate has left her with no choice but to learn to do it all on her own, and be as independent as she could. While other kids her age can still manja-manja with their mothers, she had to be strong. All I just hope for is that despite the physical loneliness that she is feeling right now, she will still know that God will be with her and she doesn’t have to carry it all on her own. Kher Huey, remember that I will always be praying for you, ok? Jesus loves you soooo much, and I do too *muaks*

Life has it’s up and downs, it’s all up to us how we choose to take it. I have questions. In fact unending questions to all that is happening right now. I have ups and downs too so I know how Kher Huey feels to be at the lowest valleys. But I guess it is just a testing that God is bringing us through while breaking and moulding us in the process. Well, hopefully I will be able to see the significant truth of Romans 8:28 soon. For now, I wanna make sure that I enjoy Selangor #7’s 18th “birthday”, haha. Stay tuned!

Exposed through and through!!

Be careful what you ask for. There is a God who hears. I can guarantee and testify to that. Never have I experienced such instant results of answered prayers ever before and yesterday, I felt so “naked” before Him because of my own request! I have been tossing and turning around in the sea of confusion, restless and disturbed. Coming to Him time and again, desiring to surrender all of me at the Cross, I have to admit that I failed miserably!

Yesterday, I had prayed and asked that He speak to me through the speaker in whichever area that I needed to be ministered to. Scripture Reading was always first, followed by worship, then the Word. Whoa, believe or not, even the Scripture Reading was like a hammer on the nail. The minute Uncle Kee Huat mentioned Jeremiah 29:11, my heart started beating so fast. I knew that verse very well. What more could He do with that verse than to strike me (of course not in anger, but with love). I knew particularly which area He was getting at. OUCH!!

Peter Chen (Ps Sam’s brother) led in worship, and one of the songs that hit me: YOU ARE AWESOME IN THIS PLACE. I just couldn’t sing along. I felt so unworthy to sing it. Do I really acknowledge Him as awesome since I couldn’t even give my all to Him? Is He worthy of all my praises? No doubt, He should be. However, I couldn’t bring myself to say “To You my life I raise.” I failed miserably there!! But in another sense, He is awesome to still love me enough to speak to me, correct me and bring me out of that guilt.

As I come into Your presence
Passed the gates of praise
Into Your sanctuary
Til we’re standing face to face
I look upon Your countenance
I see the fullness of Your grace
I can only bow down and say

CHORUS:
You are awesome in this place, Mighty God
You are awesome in this place, Abba Father
You are worthy of all praise
To You our lives we raise
You are awesome in this place, Mighty God.

When it was time for Word, I was asking God what is He going to shoot at me with this time. No doubt the points that he shared on, which is to have a compassionate heart, did the magic trick, haha. Giving the story of The Good Samaritan, he challenged us never to be a Levi or a Jew, but a SAMARITAN. Jesus always had a heart of compassion, and we’re called to be reflectors of His heart. We’re called to SHOW COMPASSION, not just BE A MISSIONARY. Everyone can be a missionary, whether or not we like it or have the calling, but not everyone CAN have a heart of compassion. SO TRUE :p

He said there were 4 points to THE REASON WHY WE DUN OBEY GOD. Firstly, because we think He doesn’t use ordinary people. We think we’re not good enough for Him to use us just as we are. We take on the wrong conception that He only uses “superstars.” Secondly, it’s because we get overwhelmed by what we’re supposed to do. We worry about how we’re supposed to do it, could we ever do it well. Worry sets in when we don’t and can't achieve it for Him. He has called us to do something for Him, and when we don’t get it done like He wants it, we get our minds full of it. (I’m guilty!! *lol*)

There’s supposed to be three more points I think, but for second service, he only managed 2. Stopping at the second, he said he sense very strongly that the Holy Spirit is telling some of us in the congregation (to me la) to LET GO OF THE THING YOU’VE BEEN HOLDING ON TO!! Walao!! Hebrews 11:1, which is also DUMC’s theme for this year, tells us what faith is all about so I’m just believing. If I’m hanging on to this verse, where did I go wrong that nothing seems to be working out? Yes, I have been holding on, but that’s because I merely held on to the promise of Hebrews 11:1, now He’s telling me “to let go?”

I can't do it!! It has been the same for the past similar events. If You want me to let go, help me!! If You want me to overcome it, help me with this “test”!! And help me fast, please!! I’ve been “exposed through and through” in shame before You, I dun think there’s anyone who can “help me up” other than You!!

DO WISHES COME TRUE?

Here I am trying to encourage a friend in the midst of her down-ness, there I am having uncertainties myself. All these uncertainties have been around since the past 4 to 6 weeks. I saw myself slowly coming out of the moodiness when I noticed some changes in myself since the last week of August. Or so I thought. Could I have been only trying to bury it deep down without resolving the issue, in the hope that it would soon go away if I do not pay attention to it?

Do wishes come true? Is it true that only good people get their wishes granted, and the rest of the not-good-enough people will be put on hold or on a waiting list? Reading Peter’s latest entry on the irony of fulfilled wishes, the thought that came to my mind was “will I ever be able to say the same for myself?” From every aspect – physically, emotionally, spiritually – I’ve been having wishes & desires ever so recently. I want to see them come to past for the Lord, but nothing seems to be happening.

I feel happy for Peter, having all his wishes & dreams come to past like he said. But then again, it made me reflect on my own life, just to see that nothing of such sort is happening. My mom told me this morning, that I gotta learn to have more self esteem. So is it merely because I don’t believe in myself much enough for God to give me all that I wanted? I am reminded of the peak season in my life that everything sailed smoothly in the sea of favour from God. The last half of 2005 over to the first half of 2006 was a blast but what is happening now?

2 wishes, just TWO!! Is it too much of a request? Or does God see it as a demand? Is He not going to give it to me at all? I wish… I wish *sigh* All I can say is I envy you, Peter.. Haha..

The Blue Black Girl…

Me: Ouch! Ooww! Oh, man!

My sis: What?

Me: *still helplessly stuck with my left hand underneath the weight of my body, and not to mention in speechless pain* Ooh, sh*t!!

My sis: Eh, what la??

I can’t believe she thought I was making a fuss because of a cockroach again. Well, if there truly was a cockroach, I would have screamed the whole household awake, especially with me helplessly down on the floor. With my left hand holding on to the cupboard, I leaned forward to try and reach for the walking aid. I do not know how, but seconds later, I lost my grip and fell. Thankfully, I didn’t hurt my head/neck.

With one hand underneath, and somehow with the wheelchair so close, it left me no space to at least try and move. By then, my sis had already came downstairs to my room to rescue me. My left arm was in pain, and I couldn’t move to get myself back up. Then when I finally did, the effect had instantly taken place. I saw the swelling on my hand already. But it was at it’s worst condition early this morning. Blue black!!

Nothing proud about it for me to announce but just a reflection: What if this had happened when no one was around? Would the injury have been worse with me pinned under the wheelchair? What if I was badly hurt? All in all, thank God nothing serious really happened. Hey esther, thanx for helping me, altho you could have saved me 5 minutes of pain *lol*

I would have been…

Would life have been any different if the brain damage has never struck me? Would I have been an original popular Sanguine, an extrovert by nature, being the life of the party, who enjoys the adventurous side of life? Or still a mere peaceful Phlegmatic who is laid back with a very low-key personality and always seem easygoing, calm, cool and collected?

We were discussing our cell events (planning for a cell retreat) over mamak last Friday. In the midst of it, Debbie posed this statement, “Actually, by the way I hear you talk, I see that you can in fact be a very adventurous person if not because of mobility restrictions. Right?” Self check: is that true? If only I was more mobile, I would have gone to many more places, done many more things – but of coz I know my limits as a God-fearing believer… Living up to my desires and prophecies, I might have even signed up for most of the mission trips organized by my church [ooh, when I talk about my church, I’m referring to Grace Assembly, yah?]… I would have been actively involved in all Ranger’s advancement camps, jungle trekking, kayaking, and watever. I would definitely be the first “sign up” for the event.

I would have been a Sanguine who love going places, exploring new and challenging stuff. Minus the disorganized part of course. I cannot stand messiness, haha. When my mom announced that my six-year-old cousin Chenelle got second runner up for a story telling competition and won herself and her kindy some amount of cash, it actually brought back memories of myself when I was at that tender pre school age. Because I could not take part in Sports Day, my teachers almost always slot me in for story-telling and activities that do not require much moving around. I should have kept those trophies for memories sake. Haiyah *lol* The times when my Sunday School had their annual concert, I would be so geared up for it that my parents could hear me singing & practicing it to perfection, haha. A bit of Melancoly there :p

If only I still had my “freedom”, I would have been a Sanguine. Not one, not two, but a handful of my friends have seen that in me thus giving me feedbacks and comments on this. But of course, I have taken on the Phlegmatic mask, which Florence Littauer profoundly explains in her book “Discovering the Real You by Uncovering the Roots of Your Personality Tree.” Hopefully, in time to come I would be able to see the Sanguine in me, in one way or another *winkz* [again, minus the disorganized part. Haha]