I Feel This Way...

你问我爱你有多深
You wanted to know the depths of my love for you
我爱你有几分
How much I really loved you
我的情也真， 我的爱也真
My affection is real, so is my love
月亮代表我的心。
The moon represents my heart.

你问我爱你有多深
You wanted to know the depths of my love for you
我爱你有几分
How much I really loved you
我的情不移，我的爱不变
My affection does not waver, my love will not change
月亮代表我的心。
The moon represents my heart.

轻轻的一个吻，已经打动我的心
Just a soft kiss is enough to move my heart
深深的一段情，教我思念到如今
An affection so deep, makes me long for it even until now

你问我爱你有多深
You wanted to know the depths of my love for you
我爱你有几分
How much I really loved you
你去想一想，你去看一看
Think about it, have a deeper look at it
月亮代表我的心。
The moon represents my heart.

[I dont know if the English translation makes any sense at all, but the mandarin one definitely does. I find it really meaningful lo, kekeke *winkz*]

I don’t know how to explain but I really like this song… Sweet, meaningful, touching, romantic *winkz*

However, if we look at it in a different perspective altogether, truly the moon represents our hearts, or us personally for that matter. The uneven surface of the moon, with holes here and there (and everywhere) explains that no matter how bright a moon in the night may shine or how beautiful it will look up there in the skies, behind it lies a creation, which is full of blemish and defects. One word: IMPERFECT!! Similarly so with us humans. No matter how hard we try to portray the good side for the world to see, it is only a façade in which we hide securely. Thinking that by hiding so comfortably behind that façade, no one will ever know the deeper, and darker, side of us.

But really, who are we kidding? We may run, we may hide. We may succeed from allowing people to see too much of our flaws. But we will never ever escape the all-knowing God. Yes, it may sound scary that there is Someone who will still know us deep down despite our hiding. Then again, it is also comforting to know that we can come before Him with our deepest secrets and pour our hearts to Him. We can also rest assure that He will not judge us the way certain human friends would. He would just listen, comfort us if He needs to, counsel us if He must.

Honestly, my thoughts have been in a TOTAL MESS for the past month. Raging hormones, I guess. Things that I couldn’t put into words to anyone else, situations where I want to see a change but has not. Passions and/or desires that I want to achieve, but have been held back due to physical restrictions. Unexplained logics, unsettled emotions. With all these running in my head, guilt is bound to follow because of the absence of a visible result.

Am I wrong to feel guilty? Is it something incomplete if I am unable to achieve something the Lord has impressed upon my heart to do? Can I rest assure in Him and be satisfied just with what I can achieve according to my limits? Is it wrong for wanting something more? Something out of/beyond what He has planned for me? Is there a possibility that a miracle would happen in any situation without His consent? If I persevere enough, would He one day give me the “green light?” I have weighed the pros and cons. Is this what I really, really want? Am I ready to begin a new journey when this happens? When Pastor Daniel did a closing and called for an altar call just now, I felt as though He was speaking straight at me. I really needed that. Leave it to God to speak at the right time, amen? *winkz*

May this song be a dedication to YOU despite what I am facing, all that I am feeling.