Let me cry!!

My thoughts have been in a mess again… many things have been going on inside of me and I know I need to get it out, but I failed yet again… as I lay on my bed waiting to fall asleep each night, I want someone to be there to listen to me… but yet I know that even if there is someone (of coz I can count on my sis, but somehow I know it wont work), it will not make any difference because I don’t even know how to bring them out…

Perhaps it’s just one of those times when I don’t even know or can’t even tell what I want from myself. I put up a strong front, yet I feel like crumbling inside. I know I feel like crying, but the tears seemed to have dried and refused to flow… a friend once told me that it is good to cry once in a while, letting out all that is inside (now if he, a guy, can express himself by crying, why does it seem so hard for me?) Debbie Debbie’s (Debbie Yeow, that is) words of blessing for me on my birthday last week was that I will be surrounded with trustworthy friends with whom I can share my darkest secrets. I’m still waiting for these trustworthy ones, haha.

2006 will come to a close very very soon… will I, then, be able to look back and see progress? Will I put a smile on His face and be worthy of His Words, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

Come, Holy Spirit, fall on me now
I need Your anointing, come in Your pow’r
I love You, Holy Spirit, You captivate my soul
And everyday I grow to love You more

** I’m reachin’ for Your heart
You hold my life in Your hands
Drawing me closer to You
I feel Your power renew
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see You face to face
I worship You in spirit and in truth.

[a new song I learnt from DUMC's Young Adults' retreat back in August this year...]