SHATTERED?? CRUSHED??

希望越大， 失望越大!! Translation: the higher ur hopes, the greater ur disappointment!! Is it really true? some may ask, "why wud u need to be disappointed if u have the amount of faith enuff to trust and believe in Him?" others may say, "do only the will of God!! Obedience is better than sacrifice!!" No one knows or understands the DEEP DESIRES of my heart except the Father Himself... but why does this HAVE to happen? and so You said, "Do not question, juz TRUST!!" A really big word here...

Lord, my wishes and dreams suffer a major crackline right now *sob sob* (tissue!! i need tissue!! err, no one sees this right? haha) which, if it's not handled with care, will shatter into pieces at this particular point of time... no one else but YOU and YOU alone can prevent it from giving way further!! You said in matthew 21:22 that if i believe, i will receive watever i ask for in prayer... You know how much i have been holding on to that promise for myself...

Thank You Father for sending frens at the right time... juz while i was writing this entry, a fren previously from cell, jason, buzzed me online without even greeting me first, said this: "the Lord will not want to see you sad... Just remeber that... He wants you to be Happy!!" (i had some nickname stated there, which prompted him to say these things) Afterwhich i had a very long chat with him on the fone... Connecting with each other juz like that, thank God at least someone could relate to de things i'm currently goin thru, not only in this particular area, but the issue of a friendly gathering as well... GOSH, HOW CUD U HAVE KNOWN ALL THESE, jason? all those things that u saw deep down in me, those unspoken hurts, u said and revealed the TRUTH!! is God juz trying to tell me something thru you, my friend? ENOURAGEMENTS after ENCOURAGEMENTS flooded in juz from the stuff we shared with each other... oh, how we juz clicked... gosh, hehe =D thanx again, Lord... u juz know the right timing!! praise You for that!!

out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks... and so, these words, like bullets, juz shoot out before i even realised it, and i was SHOCKED myself, that it actually came from me: "i dont understand Him, only He understands me!!" gosh, where did THAT come from? but yea, it's SOOO true!! we will never be able to understand HIM, and the things He has in mind... only HE understands US, and knows wat He's doin!! Thank U, Lord!!

people (no names mentioned, altho i'm really tempted to expose u) have sweet-talked me, given me hopes, and have even spoken promises right in my face... but the same person can also twist, distort and deny wat has been said, and afterwards break it again like nobody's business... well, all i can say is that this is, and will be, the last time i shall trust you, and i will never take that risk of depositing faith and trust in u anymore!! have been hearing LOTS abt you but i chose to juz listen and be cautious... little did i knw that the next prey who will get herself stuck in your web is none other than elaine teo!! thanx tho for opening my eyes to see and realise wat i ought to know about u...

now, whether or not i will receive wat i have been praying for, it doesnt matter anymore, really!! the tears have dried... so, it's all utterly up to You, Lord!! AMEN!!