Sometimes decisions in life can affect our feelings; other times our feelings can affect our decisions. At one point, I was determined to fulfill my decisions. But on the other hand, I was hesitant that it could actually become a reality. Heart to heart talk can sometimes stir up mixed feelings. Truly I was at a junction of dilemma again as Evie and Debbie chatted about their ups and downs last night.
What is it that I truly want? What if I said yes, what if I said no? What if I’m ready? What if I’m not? When I was ready, the situation was at a stand still. Yet when I thought that I may not be ready after all, there were indications that things were on the right track. Haih, what an irony. The inter-zone bowling competition is next Friday, am I up for it? Not that I will be playing. The question is am I ready to face my “challenges”. Am I ready to face something (and perhaps someone) knowing that I may be at risk of losing it?
Do I really have the self-sacrificing Melancholy traits that people say they see in me? True. Love is not self-seeking. And because I wanted others to be happy, I gave up my own for their sake? Well, I guess I have given in way too much. Three years ago, I gave in. Now, I find myself giving in again. Perhaps it is time I learnt to think a little more for myself rather than putting others on priority and end up hurting myself in the process. I’m tired. When will this game end?
“Don’t worry and fret over what’s not happening; cherish that which has taken place.”
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