TIME IS RUNNING UP!!

I cannot afford to waste anymore time. The clock is ticking, the days are passing. My time is almost up. I gave myself 2 months to straighten things up, thinking that it would be more than enough time to clear any and all “dark clouds” and subsequently come to an unshakable decision for the Lord. 2 months of sabbatical would soon come to an end, which means I would then have to decide my “destiny” once and for all. The reason I asked for a breakaway from the hustle & bustle of a certain activity is so that I could “sort” myself out. It is not something very easy to handle when one is splitted in two directions.

Pastor Henry called for an urgent meeting with all church leaders last night at 9pm. Is this it? Is there a chance that this meeting would hold the answer? Believe it or not, it shocked me to the core more than it gave me a reassuring solution!! No, I did not go. Although I was supposed to go, thankfully I did not, for I would have been more stunned (probably even get a heart attack, haha) to project any response. My mom happened to be there for prayer meeting, and pastor broke the news. I was utterly speechless when she conveyed it to me. Has it affected me? CERTAINLY, ABSOLUTELY, DEFINITELY!! But should I be? I don’t know, I really don’t know! How could I not be?? It has left me emotionally shaken, shocked & speechless (not to mention very very saddened). Lord, am I able to get on with my “routine” despite this unbelievable fact? Could this be a tiny area that would somehow affect my decision?

Back to the subject. For the past two occasions, I have had God-sent “angels” came to my rescue, and for that I’m so very grateful, to those “angels” and to God. But will this last forever? Looking at in a deeper context, the whole issue actually springs personally from me. Sensitive, maybe, haha. Worse come to worst, all I can do is put independence to practice and be willing to take the risk. It’s just a thought though. A friend of mine told me, “I don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean it’s good that you want to be independent, but…” so, this whole idea is not supported at all? Moreover, with the incident that happened, should I protect my name and stay clear of all suspicions that could come from other leaders in the church, and in so doing, stick with where I first began? Or?

Time is running up. Sad to say, instead of inching closer to a final decision, I am contradictorily drifting further into confusion. How am I supposed to face the condition of the situation? How am I EXPECTED to respond? Will I be judged for whatever decision that is to come, or that I will make? Two months is not enough. All the more when something as shocking as this come weighing down on me all of a sudden. Why Lord, why? All in all, You are faithful. Situations may go downhill and turn out for the worst, but You remain steadfast. If anyone of us changed, it is us, not You!! Thank You for knowing my thoughts. The timely prayer log by Evelyn (You delayed it for a purpose!), and the verse You gave through her. John 14:27 speaks SO SUPER REAL to me right now!!

Lord, Your emotionally shaken, shocked & speechless princess needs Your touch!! FAST!! *winkz* Hopefully, I’d be able to find the answer, and feel Your peace in this shocking situation.

[If this post seemed jumbled up/confusing to any of you, then too bad. I'm just trying to squeeze 2 unrelated yet somehow linked-to-each-other situations into one. Cheers!]