I cannot afford to waste anymore time. The clock is ticking, the days are passing. My time is almost up. I gave myself 2 months to straighten things up, thinking that it would be more than enough time to clear any and all “dark clouds” and subsequently come to an unshakable decision for the Lord. 2 months of sabbatical would soon come to an end, which means I would then have to decide my “destiny” once and for all. The reason I asked for a breakaway from the hustle & bustle of a certain activity is so that I could “sort” myself out. It is not something very easy to handle when one is splitted in two directions.
Pastor Henry called for an urgent meeting with all church leaders last night at 9pm. Is this it? Is there a chance that this meeting would hold the answer? Believe it or not, it shocked me to the core more than it gave me a reassuring solution!! No, I did not go. Although I was supposed to go, thankfully I did not, for I would have been more stunned (probably even get a heart attack, haha) to project any response. My mom happened to be there for prayer meeting, and pastor broke the news. I was utterly speechless when she conveyed it to me. Has it affected me? CERTAINLY, ABSOLUTELY, DEFINITELY!! But should I be? I don’t know, I really don’t know! How could I not be?? It has left me emotionally shaken, shocked & speechless (not to mention very very saddened). Lord, am I able to get on with my “routine” despite this unbelievable fact? Could this be a tiny area that would somehow affect my decision?
Back to the subject. For the past two occasions, I have had God-sent “angels” came to my rescue, and for that I’m so very grateful, to those “angels” and to God. But will this last forever? Looking at in a deeper context, the whole issue actually springs personally from me. Sensitive, maybe, haha. Worse come to worst, all I can do is put independence to practice and be willing to take the risk. It’s just a thought though. A friend of mine told me, “I don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean it’s good that you want to be independent, but…” so, this whole idea is not supported at all? Moreover, with the incident that happened, should I protect my name and stay clear of all suspicions that could come from other leaders in the church, and in so doing, stick with where I first began? Or?
Time is running up. Sad to say, instead of inching closer to a final decision, I am contradictorily drifting further into confusion. How am I supposed to face the condition of the situation? How am I EXPECTED to respond? Will I be judged for whatever decision that is to come, or that I will make? Two months is not enough. All the more when something as shocking as this come weighing down on me all of a sudden. Why Lord, why? All in all, You are faithful. Situations may go downhill and turn out for the worst, but You remain steadfast. If anyone of us changed, it is us, not You!! Thank You for knowing my thoughts. The timely prayer log by Evelyn (You delayed it for a purpose!), and the verse You gave through her. John 14:27 speaks SO SUPER REAL to me right now!!
Lord, Your emotionally shaken, shocked & speechless princess needs Your touch!! FAST!! *winkz* Hopefully, I’d be able to find the answer, and feel Your peace in this shocking situation.
[If this post seemed jumbled up/confusing to any of you, then too bad. I'm just trying to squeeze 2 unrelated yet somehow linked-to-each-other situations into one. Cheers!]
Friday, July 28, 2006
I kena!!
1) So, tell us something random about your name.
Classmates & teachers used to find it hard to pronounce my name. I had some friends pronouncing it “alien”, others “allan” (OMG!!). These weird pronounciation often came from Malays. But generally, I love my name. It means “The Bright One” in Greek. Weee~
2) 3 random facts about you.
- I love music.
- I love books (I’m a bookworm *lol*).
- I really have a soft spot for children (They are irresistibly cute!!).
3) 2 random things you did today.
- Work.
- Chat on Yahoo Messenger.
4) 5 random people u thought of today.
- Niza ~> I miss you!! When is your next hols back here?
- Cindy Tan ~> Oi, where have you disappeared to?
- Koh Ee Laine ~> I still have yet to meet her daughter, Hannah.
- The guy who so captured my heart ~> but sorry people, not gonna mention his name, haha.
- All my kids in Ranger Kids ~> haven’t seen them for quite a while now – miss them :p
5) 4 random things on your desk.
- Thumbdrive
- Bible ~> which should have been properly kept back in the shelf after reading it, but too lazy to do that.
- Telephone ~> no, not my mobile.. it’s the single line phone I use for work.
- A couple of books which I plan to read soon.
6) 3 random misconceptions people have about you.
- Before the introduction, I’ve always been known to be “sombong.”
- I’ve gotten some comments that I don’t take things (or life itself) seriously.
- [Aiyah, ask those people lah!]
7) 4 random good memories.
- The Grace Assembly youth camp back in 2001.
- Being one of the noisiest gals in the noisiest gang of 4 close friends back in my primary years. - The weekly Friday round trips in the yellow Perodua Kelisa with the number plat WLB 5794 *lol*
- Of my kids from Rangers, of course *winkz*
8) Post 8 random pictures and why you like them.
- It is a sign/reminder to the promise I made… To myself & to God!
- Sisters… Best friends… Love you, girl! *Smuakz*
- Nothing much to be said… It’s the angle from which this picture is taken that I really like *winkz* it’s like someone captured our picture naturally without us posing for it [but posing elsewhere la], kekeke…
- A sign/reminder of many, many good things… Of promises, of hope… Like I said here.
- It’s like a personal dedication to me from my sister… sweet!! *winkz*
- No reason… Just like it :)
- Memories of my cousins, hehe…
- sweet memories of CAMPORAMA 2004.
9) 4 random quotes you like.
- With God’s help, I will do my best to serve God, my church & my fellowmen; to live by the Ranger’s Code, and to make the Golden Rule my daily rule.
- Matthew 7:12 ~> “So, in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law & the Prophets.”
- Evelyn once shared this: Choose what you love, and then love what you chose.
- Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again. – James R. Cook
10) Pick a random book, turn to the last page. What does the last paragraph say?
Do I ever get a chance to be alone with this person?
Again, this will depend on the family, but chances are you will. But not until after you’ve really gotten to know each other & each other’s families. And you’ll probably be doing so under the watchful guidance of the girl’s parents.
Taken from “The Indispensable Guide To Dating Do’s and Dont’s.”
11) 3 random goals you want to achieve in a years time.
- Get a laptop, hopefully? :p
- DRIVE!! *lol*
- Errr…
12) 2 random emotions you felt today.
- satisfied
- excited
13) Something random someone said to you today.
- In response to a tagline I placed in my display name (on both my IM’s): “No mah no lor.”
14) If you have a daughter, what would you name her?
Eunice (second name to be given by the father) (surname).
15) If you have a son, what would you name him?
Stephen (second name to be given by the father) (surname).
16) Tell us something we don’t know about you.
I doubt anybody ever knew this about me. Believe it or not, I like to be pampered *lol*
17) One random quality you look for in the opposite sex.
If we’re talking about just a very close friend, his sense of humor would do me a lot of good ;)
But if we’re talking about “the other half” the he HAS to be spiritually strong & God-fearing!
18) Tell us something that made your day.
Nothing really exciting happened today la, haih *lol*
19) The latest picture you took with your phone/latest sms received.
[a picture of the sun peeking out from the clouds - through a sun shed in the car]
Sms from Karen Wong (former colleague from Tadika Grace Community): [minus the piano picture]
FRIENDSHIP is like a PIANO, that’s why having YOU is like having beautiful MUSIC in my life! Good day!
20) Tell us 3 random words.
Jesus loves me *winkz*
21) People you tag.
Shina *wide grin*
Cindy *Elaine gives an evil laugh* (this is what you get for going MIA for so long, my dear!)
Anybody else, just do it la… If you want to…
[I got tagged by my sis and was supposed to have done this much earlier, but I procrastinated, haha XD]
Classmates & teachers used to find it hard to pronounce my name. I had some friends pronouncing it “alien”, others “allan” (OMG!!). These weird pronounciation often came from Malays. But generally, I love my name. It means “The Bright One” in Greek. Weee~
2) 3 random facts about you.
- I love music.
- I love books (I’m a bookworm *lol*).
- I really have a soft spot for children (They are irresistibly cute!!).
3) 2 random things you did today.
- Work.
- Chat on Yahoo Messenger.
4) 5 random people u thought of today.
- Niza ~> I miss you!! When is your next hols back here?
- Cindy Tan ~> Oi, where have you disappeared to?
- Koh Ee Laine ~> I still have yet to meet her daughter, Hannah.
- The guy who so captured my heart ~> but sorry people, not gonna mention his name, haha.
- All my kids in Ranger Kids ~> haven’t seen them for quite a while now – miss them :p
5) 4 random things on your desk.
- Thumbdrive
- Bible ~> which should have been properly kept back in the shelf after reading it, but too lazy to do that.
- Telephone ~> no, not my mobile.. it’s the single line phone I use for work.
- A couple of books which I plan to read soon.
6) 3 random misconceptions people have about you.
- Before the introduction, I’ve always been known to be “sombong.”
- I’ve gotten some comments that I don’t take things (or life itself) seriously.
- [Aiyah, ask those people lah!]
7) 4 random good memories.
- The Grace Assembly youth camp back in 2001.
- Being one of the noisiest gals in the noisiest gang of 4 close friends back in my primary years. - The weekly Friday round trips in the yellow Perodua Kelisa with the number plat WLB 5794 *lol*
- Of my kids from Rangers, of course *winkz*
8) Post 8 random pictures and why you like them.
- It is a sign/reminder to the promise I made… To myself & to God!
- Sisters… Best friends… Love you, girl! *Smuakz*
- Nothing much to be said… It’s the angle from which this picture is taken that I really like *winkz* it’s like someone captured our picture naturally without us posing for it [but posing elsewhere la], kekeke…
- A sign/reminder of many, many good things… Of promises, of hope… Like I said here.
- It’s like a personal dedication to me from my sister… sweet!! *winkz*
- No reason… Just like it :)
- Memories of my cousins, hehe…
- sweet memories of CAMPORAMA 2004.
9) 4 random quotes you like.
- With God’s help, I will do my best to serve God, my church & my fellowmen; to live by the Ranger’s Code, and to make the Golden Rule my daily rule.
- Matthew 7:12 ~> “So, in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law & the Prophets.”
- Evelyn once shared this: Choose what you love, and then love what you chose.
- Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again. – James R. Cook
10) Pick a random book, turn to the last page. What does the last paragraph say?
Do I ever get a chance to be alone with this person?
Again, this will depend on the family, but chances are you will. But not until after you’ve really gotten to know each other & each other’s families. And you’ll probably be doing so under the watchful guidance of the girl’s parents.
Taken from “The Indispensable Guide To Dating Do’s and Dont’s.”
11) 3 random goals you want to achieve in a years time.
- Get a laptop, hopefully? :p
- DRIVE!! *lol*
- Errr…
12) 2 random emotions you felt today.
- satisfied
- excited
13) Something random someone said to you today.
- In response to a tagline I placed in my display name (on both my IM’s): “No mah no lor.”
14) If you have a daughter, what would you name her?
Eunice (second name to be given by the father) (surname).
15) If you have a son, what would you name him?
Stephen (second name to be given by the father) (surname).
16) Tell us something we don’t know about you.
I doubt anybody ever knew this about me. Believe it or not, I like to be pampered *lol*
17) One random quality you look for in the opposite sex.
If we’re talking about just a very close friend, his sense of humor would do me a lot of good ;)
But if we’re talking about “the other half” the he HAS to be spiritually strong & God-fearing!
18) Tell us something that made your day.
Nothing really exciting happened today la, haih *lol*
19) The latest picture you took with your phone/latest sms received.
[a picture of the sun peeking out from the clouds - through a sun shed in the car]
Sms from Karen Wong (former colleague from Tadika Grace Community): [minus the piano picture]
FRIENDSHIP is like a PIANO, that’s why having YOU is like having beautiful MUSIC in my life! Good day!
20) Tell us 3 random words.
Jesus loves me *winkz*
21) People you tag.
Shina *wide grin*
Cindy *Elaine gives an evil laugh* (this is what you get for going MIA for so long, my dear!)
Anybody else, just do it la… If you want to…
[I got tagged by my sis and was supposed to have done this much earlier, but I procrastinated, haha XD]
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
FOR WHOM DO WE DO ALL THESE?
People always say, when you do something, do it whole heartedly… not only that, we should also learn to see that we are doing it for Him, and not just because we are forced to, or perhaps because we want others to commend us on our actions… do we, then, dare say that these are genuine acts of servanthood unto the Lord?
DUMC had this thing called Community Excel Services weekend yesterday. This is where they will promote the various ministries they have and what they do in each ministry bla bla… similarly so in Grace Assembly, it is all for the edification of the Body. It really touched my heart to know that all these are done because of the love each members involved have for the Lord. The level of commitment and sacrifice given, time spent, patience stretched… Imagine the amount of patience needed to guide a mentally challenged individual to be able to read, speak and even understand all that is happening around them. Imagine the risk that someone involved in the street ministry would have to encounter: for one instance, drug addicts. Yet the willingness to offer service and help is being portrayed so obviously. But then again, not all Christians have such calling from the Lord to be able to forsake self desires for the needs of others.
For whom do we do all these? Indeed, our community needs us. Why then do we still stay complacently in our seats and not wanting to enlarge our “tents”? The core message of the sermon yesterday was “The 7 Things That Will Begin To Take Place When God Dwells In Us.” Click here to view the first half of the FAITH newsletter for points of the message entitled THE CHURCH IN COMMUNITY TRANSFORMATION – DREAMING WITH GOD. Let me be honest with you, none of the 7 points struck a chord in me. Instead, just one question the pastor threw at us: Are we willing to go all out and make that difference? To go places that no one wants to go, do things that no one likes to do, to touch lives that no one bothers to love.
My point is this: We have heard pastors sharing message after message about making that difference for the Lord, challenging us to go out and touch the world. where there is a need, meet it… where there is a hurting soul, love it… where there is a wounded heart, help heal it… but honestly, how often have we ACTUALLY DONE THAT? How often have we looked “away” from ourselves and “into” the lives of others? Those of whom are much less fortunate than us, have we been sowing into their lives? The Bible says in Luke 19:10 that “the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.” If we love the Lord enough, shouldn’t we be following in His footsteps?
When we see a need meet it… and for this I am grateful to Alvin and Sharon from Father’s Garden, who gave me a lift home after the celebration ends (and Roland for the car, heehee), despite the fact that Alvin had to rush back to church for a play practice – and evangelistic rally which was to be held in early August.
For whom do we do all these? A question that only we can answer for ourselves…
Won’t You Lord take a look at our hands?
Everything we have use it for Your plans
Won’t You Lord take a look at our hearts?
Mould it, refine it, as You set us apart
* We want to run to the altar
And catch the fire
To stand in the gap
Between the living and the dead
Give us a heart of compassion
For a world without vision
We will make a difference
Bringing hope to our land
Bridge:
We will answer the call
To build this church without walls
Let Your glory be shown
Bring salvation to the lost
To the lost
DUMC had this thing called Community Excel Services weekend yesterday. This is where they will promote the various ministries they have and what they do in each ministry bla bla… similarly so in Grace Assembly, it is all for the edification of the Body. It really touched my heart to know that all these are done because of the love each members involved have for the Lord. The level of commitment and sacrifice given, time spent, patience stretched… Imagine the amount of patience needed to guide a mentally challenged individual to be able to read, speak and even understand all that is happening around them. Imagine the risk that someone involved in the street ministry would have to encounter: for one instance, drug addicts. Yet the willingness to offer service and help is being portrayed so obviously. But then again, not all Christians have such calling from the Lord to be able to forsake self desires for the needs of others.
For whom do we do all these? Indeed, our community needs us. Why then do we still stay complacently in our seats and not wanting to enlarge our “tents”? The core message of the sermon yesterday was “The 7 Things That Will Begin To Take Place When God Dwells In Us.” Click here to view the first half of the FAITH newsletter for points of the message entitled THE CHURCH IN COMMUNITY TRANSFORMATION – DREAMING WITH GOD. Let me be honest with you, none of the 7 points struck a chord in me. Instead, just one question the pastor threw at us: Are we willing to go all out and make that difference? To go places that no one wants to go, do things that no one likes to do, to touch lives that no one bothers to love.
My point is this: We have heard pastors sharing message after message about making that difference for the Lord, challenging us to go out and touch the world. where there is a need, meet it… where there is a hurting soul, love it… where there is a wounded heart, help heal it… but honestly, how often have we ACTUALLY DONE THAT? How often have we looked “away” from ourselves and “into” the lives of others? Those of whom are much less fortunate than us, have we been sowing into their lives? The Bible says in Luke 19:10 that “the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.” If we love the Lord enough, shouldn’t we be following in His footsteps?
When we see a need meet it… and for this I am grateful to Alvin and Sharon from Father’s Garden, who gave me a lift home after the celebration ends (and Roland for the car, heehee), despite the fact that Alvin had to rush back to church for a play practice – and evangelistic rally which was to be held in early August.
For whom do we do all these? A question that only we can answer for ourselves…
Won’t You Lord take a look at our hands?
Everything we have use it for Your plans
Won’t You Lord take a look at our hearts?
Mould it, refine it, as You set us apart
* We want to run to the altar
And catch the fire
To stand in the gap
Between the living and the dead
Give us a heart of compassion
For a world without vision
We will make a difference
Bringing hope to our land
Bridge:
We will answer the call
To build this church without walls
Let Your glory be shown
Bring salvation to the lost
To the lost
Saturday, July 22, 2006
In A Mix-Up!!
When I look into Your holiness
When I gaze into Your loveliness
When all things that surrounds me
Become shadows in the light of You
When I found the joy of reaching Your heart
When my will becomes enthroned in Your love
When all things that surrounds me
Become shadows in the light You.
I worship You, I worship You
The reason I live is to worship You
I worship You, I worship You
Is to worship You.
As I was playing this song on my Windows Media Player just now, mixed feelings & emotions started welling up in me. Why am I feeling this way? Fear? Doubt? Uncertainties? Why the confusion? I made a promise to myself and all I wanted to do now is to live up to it. But then again, circumstances could change according to God’s will despite that promise. I know that when that happens, I would be overflowing with joy. But am I ready for that change? Am I willing to leave all selfish thoughts behind and move on with the will of God for my life if He sees fit?
A friend of mine buzzed me online (unexpectedly, heh) and begin to draw my attention to a certain subject, and I thought that it was very sweet of him to offer time and counsel. A counselor is supposed to listen, not talk. I know you might say, “I didn’t do a thing.” Trust me, friend, the fact that you gave your time and lent a listening ear is more than enough. Whoever you are (if you happen to be reading this, you know who you are), thanx for hearing me out. No worries about analyzing and judging because like I said, I NEED, AND WANT, INSIGHTS!! *winkz* I wanna know if what I’m thinking (which will subsequently lead to a decision) right now is the right thing in God’s eyes.
Am I ready for that change? Am I willing to take that bold step just to see things change for the better? Truly, when I look deep into Your holiness, when I fix my gaze and focus on nothing else but Your loveliness, all earthly & temporal things that surrounds me will become shadows when Your light shines down upon me. When I found the joy of reaching Your heart, and putting a smile on Your face…and when my will and desires become enthroned in Your love (and Your will, of course), again it will be but shadows when Your light shines down upon me. When I begin to realise that it is You and Your will that supersedes all others, all I can and will do is worship You in reverence & awe. Help me to be able to say, “The reason I’m alive here on earth is for You and You alone.”
Romans 8:28 & 31 ~~> And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose…… What then, shall we say in response to this? If (my) God is for me, who can be against me?
When I gaze into Your loveliness
When all things that surrounds me
Become shadows in the light of You
When I found the joy of reaching Your heart
When my will becomes enthroned in Your love
When all things that surrounds me
Become shadows in the light You.
I worship You, I worship You
The reason I live is to worship You
I worship You, I worship You
Is to worship You.
As I was playing this song on my Windows Media Player just now, mixed feelings & emotions started welling up in me. Why am I feeling this way? Fear? Doubt? Uncertainties? Why the confusion? I made a promise to myself and all I wanted to do now is to live up to it. But then again, circumstances could change according to God’s will despite that promise. I know that when that happens, I would be overflowing with joy. But am I ready for that change? Am I willing to leave all selfish thoughts behind and move on with the will of God for my life if He sees fit?
A friend of mine buzzed me online (unexpectedly, heh) and begin to draw my attention to a certain subject, and I thought that it was very sweet of him to offer time and counsel. A counselor is supposed to listen, not talk. I know you might say, “I didn’t do a thing.” Trust me, friend, the fact that you gave your time and lent a listening ear is more than enough. Whoever you are (if you happen to be reading this, you know who you are), thanx for hearing me out. No worries about analyzing and judging because like I said, I NEED, AND WANT, INSIGHTS!! *winkz* I wanna know if what I’m thinking (which will subsequently lead to a decision) right now is the right thing in God’s eyes.
Am I ready for that change? Am I willing to take that bold step just to see things change for the better? Truly, when I look deep into Your holiness, when I fix my gaze and focus on nothing else but Your loveliness, all earthly & temporal things that surrounds me will become shadows when Your light shines down upon me. When I found the joy of reaching Your heart, and putting a smile on Your face…and when my will and desires become enthroned in Your love (and Your will, of course), again it will be but shadows when Your light shines down upon me. When I begin to realise that it is You and Your will that supersedes all others, all I can and will do is worship You in reverence & awe. Help me to be able to say, “The reason I’m alive here on earth is for You and You alone.”
Romans 8:28 & 31 ~~> And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose…… What then, shall we say in response to this? If (my) God is for me, who can be against me?
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Highly Recommended!!
God’s Call to the Single Adult by Michael Cavanaugh is a book I would highly recommend (view it here). I saw this book in Alvin’s (my almost-everyday chat buddy) hands last Sunday, and instantly got interested in it. He had borrowed it from DUMC’s library. Since he had borrowed a few others, he offered to let me have this one first. I can't deny the fact that this is indeed a really very good book *winkz* Need I say more? The title of this post has spoken for itself, haha.
Just because I am reading this book does not mean that I have resolved to staying single. I just merely chose to leave this department to the Almighty God, heh. When she saw me with this book during dinner, my sister started teasing me (as usual la, haha). “Wah, che, you dowan find boyfriend meh?” Haha, good question. Not that I don’t want to, but what is more important right now is to focus on God and His will for my life. If it is His will, God will eventually bless me with the right person.
How would you respond if I told you (well, not I, but the author of the book of coz) that singleness is a choice? I was confused too, but as I read on, all I did was smile and nod in agreement with the author. I smiled a satisfied smile knowing that I did what pleased my Master. Here’s an extraction of a portion with the title “Singleness Doesn’t Mean Rejection”:
Singleness is neither a stigma nor a social disease. It is a matter of choice. “What! Mike, how can you say that? I’m divorced. I’m widowed. My fiancée broke off our engagement. I never wanted this lonely life. Not ever. How can you tell me I’m single because I’ve chosen to be?”
Because it’s true. Oh, you may not have become single in the first place because you chose to be. Someone else may have gotten the divorce. Someone else may have broken the engagement. Someone else may have died. But right now, as you are reading this book, you are single by choice. Let me explain to you what I mean.
If you wanted to be married today, you could be. I guarantee you, I could find somebody for you. If you had no criteria, no real guidelines, or no moral standards to speak of, I could find someone who’d be willing to marry you. Anybody who doesn’t have any standards can get married.
But you do have standards [ooh yes, I know I definitely have!!]; and, whether or not the idea is comfortable for you, you’re single because of those standards. You’ve made certain choices in your life. Some of them may have been good, and others may have been bad. That matters little. The fact is you chose them. You’re single by choice.
Even your choice to be a Christian has narrowed the field. As a Christian, you’ve made a lot of choices that non-Christian singles haven’t. You’re not of this world, and you do not follow their standards. You’ve chosen to follow Christ and that has set you apart. It has limited your choices.
Let me give you a few examples. You don’t go to some of the places that non-Christian singles go. You don’t think along the same lines as non-Christian singles do. You don’t even approach your work and your relationships with others the way they do. And that’s because of a choice you’ve made. A choice for life – a choice for Jesus Christ!
That’s why a lot of you are single today. You’re single because of Christ. You’re single because you haven’t been willing to compromise the Truth you stand for. You’re single for God. And on the day you stand before Him, He’s not going to look at you and rate you on your marital status. He’s not going to say, “Oh poor Janie. Somehow she just never made it to the altar. She just didn’t make it.” He’s going to look into your heart and see the uncompromising stand you took, with the desire of being wholly pleasing to Him. He’s going to see your singleness not as a failure but as the price you were willing to pay to follow Him.
You’ve chosen to be single. It’s not an evil curse, and it’s not a sign you’ve failed. If anything, it’s a sign you’ve chosen Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, and you stand for righteousness. That’s a fantastic choice indeed, and a great reason for being single. You’re single for Him!
If I did not have my own standards, I could have, and would have, easily gotten together with any Tom, Dick & Harry who have offered me opportunities (which I know I will regret later) to be more than friends. But that is not what I wanted. I wanted someone who could fulfill the basic standards which I have set for myself as a Christian. Whenever it comes to this particular issue, I’ve always been known to be picky :p “Be careful. If you’re too picky, you might not be able to find any. Humans are not perfect, you know.” No, who is asking him to be perfect? I am not perfect either. All I am looking for is that he is God fearing. That is just the word. No need for further explanations, but yet the word God fearing explains it all. And it’s all for a good cause, amen? Haha… So, yea, go read this book!! In fact, I actually had the thought of investing in one *winkz* See how la, kekeke…
Just because I am reading this book does not mean that I have resolved to staying single. I just merely chose to leave this department to the Almighty God, heh. When she saw me with this book during dinner, my sister started teasing me (as usual la, haha). “Wah, che, you dowan find boyfriend meh?” Haha, good question. Not that I don’t want to, but what is more important right now is to focus on God and His will for my life. If it is His will, God will eventually bless me with the right person.
How would you respond if I told you (well, not I, but the author of the book of coz) that singleness is a choice? I was confused too, but as I read on, all I did was smile and nod in agreement with the author. I smiled a satisfied smile knowing that I did what pleased my Master. Here’s an extraction of a portion with the title “Singleness Doesn’t Mean Rejection”:
Singleness is neither a stigma nor a social disease. It is a matter of choice. “What! Mike, how can you say that? I’m divorced. I’m widowed. My fiancée broke off our engagement. I never wanted this lonely life. Not ever. How can you tell me I’m single because I’ve chosen to be?”
Because it’s true. Oh, you may not have become single in the first place because you chose to be. Someone else may have gotten the divorce. Someone else may have broken the engagement. Someone else may have died. But right now, as you are reading this book, you are single by choice. Let me explain to you what I mean.
If you wanted to be married today, you could be. I guarantee you, I could find somebody for you. If you had no criteria, no real guidelines, or no moral standards to speak of, I could find someone who’d be willing to marry you. Anybody who doesn’t have any standards can get married.
But you do have standards [ooh yes, I know I definitely have!!]; and, whether or not the idea is comfortable for you, you’re single because of those standards. You’ve made certain choices in your life. Some of them may have been good, and others may have been bad. That matters little. The fact is you chose them. You’re single by choice.
Even your choice to be a Christian has narrowed the field. As a Christian, you’ve made a lot of choices that non-Christian singles haven’t. You’re not of this world, and you do not follow their standards. You’ve chosen to follow Christ and that has set you apart. It has limited your choices.
Let me give you a few examples. You don’t go to some of the places that non-Christian singles go. You don’t think along the same lines as non-Christian singles do. You don’t even approach your work and your relationships with others the way they do. And that’s because of a choice you’ve made. A choice for life – a choice for Jesus Christ!
That’s why a lot of you are single today. You’re single because of Christ. You’re single because you haven’t been willing to compromise the Truth you stand for. You’re single for God. And on the day you stand before Him, He’s not going to look at you and rate you on your marital status. He’s not going to say, “Oh poor Janie. Somehow she just never made it to the altar. She just didn’t make it.” He’s going to look into your heart and see the uncompromising stand you took, with the desire of being wholly pleasing to Him. He’s going to see your singleness not as a failure but as the price you were willing to pay to follow Him.
You’ve chosen to be single. It’s not an evil curse, and it’s not a sign you’ve failed. If anything, it’s a sign you’ve chosen Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, and you stand for righteousness. That’s a fantastic choice indeed, and a great reason for being single. You’re single for Him!
If I did not have my own standards, I could have, and would have, easily gotten together with any Tom, Dick & Harry who have offered me opportunities (which I know I will regret later) to be more than friends. But that is not what I wanted. I wanted someone who could fulfill the basic standards which I have set for myself as a Christian. Whenever it comes to this particular issue, I’ve always been known to be picky :p “Be careful. If you’re too picky, you might not be able to find any. Humans are not perfect, you know.” No, who is asking him to be perfect? I am not perfect either. All I am looking for is that he is God fearing. That is just the word. No need for further explanations, but yet the word God fearing explains it all. And it’s all for a good cause, amen? Haha… So, yea, go read this book!! In fact, I actually had the thought of investing in one *winkz* See how la, kekeke…
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
“Bullets Have No Eye!!”
Well, at least that is the closest translation I got from a friend to the peribahasa “Malang Tak Berbau” *LOL* Thanx, dude. You saved me the trouble of having to blog in BM, haha :))
I have always had tremendous fear for hospitals ever since my first visit to one, and even more so when I have to be admitted for an operation (I have had about 4 to 5 operations since I was 6 or 7 years old). The stay there was terrible! Not only did I hate the smell, I was afraid to see all kinds of different cases coming in to be admitted. With all kinds of gadgets, wires and machines accompanying them, sometimes metals and screws and whatnots that can be seen protruding through their skin horrifies me!! (It is really horifying, I kid you not!!) After the last operation I had back in 1994, I told myself that I would not want to go through any of these ordeals again. Neither would I want to set foot in a hospital for no apparent reason.
However, I am somehow “doomed” to have to make endless round trips to this same old, scary-looking place fortnightly for therapy sessions. This patient happened to be at the physiotherapy room this morning and it looks as if he was only in his 20’s. He probably would have met with an accident that left him paralysed, therefore not being able to do much except breathe thru a tiub stuck in his nostrils. His mom and sis were there to attend to him. He still has a long way to go but this just had to happen to him *sigh* A close friend of mine recently underwent a minor opt. Unfortunately for her, it further led to other complications and she was required to frequent the hospital for follow up. With the side effects and all, it caused her discomfort and some other uneasy feelings. Having to face a trauma like that at such a young age is definitely an uncalled for situation. “Bullets have no eye”, really!! It doesn't matter who you are, or how old you are!! Like little Kher Huey who lost her mom to cancer at even a younger age. *Sigh*
Lord, help my paranoia!! Please let me never have to face something like that!! I speak forth Isaiah 53:4-5 in Jesus’ name!!
Monday, July 17, 2006
It’s All About Jesus…
What does it mean to be making a difference for the Lord? What does it mean to go all out to meet the needs of those around us even if it means doing something at our expense? That is not the main topic, but it was one of the 2 main points that I personally extracted from Pastor Daniel’s Studies on Paul’s Letters to the Philippians (yes, I was at DUMC’s Sunday celebration today).
* Going all out in service for Him. Is it only lip service, or should we be putting it into action? It is always easier said than done. But then again, who are we doing it for? Are we performing an obligation or does it come genuinely from our hearts when we see a need? Can we say, “Hey, I’m here for you if you need anything. Please do not hesitate to let me know if there are any areas that I could be of help,” or do we think twice of whether it would be of any inconvenience to us and reply, “I’m so sorry but I can't oblige because I have other things on mind.”
Personally, I would say that it is not easy to cultivate such qualities because there always is a price to pay and very few have actually lived it loud. Pastor Daniel threw us this question, “What is our response when friendship becomes costly? Are we still willing to go all out BOLDLY? 1 John 3:18-19 speaks of love not just in speech but in actions for it is true of the saying ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!! It is all about Jesus and whether we love Him enough to love the people He placed in our midst and who crosses our paths to be sensitive to their needs. It is all about following the examples of Jesus if we say we want to grow to be more & more like Him. Would we be able to achieve that quality that Jesus had and say, “I did it simply because I love my Jesus?”
* The Secret of Contentment. It has got nothing to do with how much we have. Contentment springs from the inside out, not outside in. If we learn to be contented on the inside, it does not matter what we have or don’t have on the outside because at the end of the day, what matters most is the qualities we carry on the inside of us. The word contentment made itself clear to me this morning. Why am I looking for something uncertain and far away when I know that all the assurance I should have found is in something near and dear to me, which is Jesus Himself? Learning also to be thankful for who we are & what we are. What we do with what we have and not aim for something that is not yet ours. Luke 16:10 explains more. Restedness of the soul in Christ Jesus and not to be anxious like what Philippians 4:6 says. All in all, being contented also shows our trust in Him to take care of everything else.
I love You, Lord
Greater than anything
I love You, Lord
More than my heart could sing
I love You, Lord
More than I love myself
I love You, Lord… I love You Lord… I love You, Lord
I worship You
High above everything
I worship You
With all that my heart could sing
I worship You
O let my life give praise
I worship You… I worship You… I worship You…
Alleluja, this is my song of praise
Allelujah, I’ll worship You all my days
Allelujah, all that I am is Yours
Allelujah… allelujah… allelujah…
A Glimpse of Pastor Daniel's Sermon Notes:
Studies on Paul’s Letters to the Philippians VIII
God’s Assured Provision in Ministry
(Phil. 4:10-23)
The Secret Of Contentment (v. 10-13)
1) Paul’s Attitude:
o Extremely thankful for the Philippians’ renewed concern (v. 10)
o The concern shown by others always puts one at ease and at rest.
2) Paul’s Posture:
o Learning to be content in every circumstances (v. 11)
o Knowing how to abase and to abound (v. 12)
o Knowing that our sufficiency and strength is in the Lord Jesus Christ (v. 13)
The Partnership In Ministry (v. 14-19)
1) The Philippians’ boldness in partnership (v. 14)
2) The Philippians’ faithfulness in partnership (v. 15, 16).
3) Paul’s perspectives of the gifts received:
o It is to the givers’ credit (v. 17) [Prov. 11:25, 19:17 & Matt. 5:7]
o A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed (Prov. 11:25)
He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and He will reward him for what he has done (Prov. 19:17)
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy (Matt 5:7)
o He is amply supplied (v. 18a)
o These are an offering pleasing to God (v. 18b)
o God is the ample Provider (v. 19)
4) Paul’s Doxology:
o To God be the glory eternally (v. 20)
The Connected Community in Affection (v. 20-23)
5) The final greetings because of the common bond:
o To all the saints in Phillipi (v. 21a)
o From Paul’s leadership team (v. 21b)
o From the Christian community in Rome especially Caesar’s household (v. 22)
o Wishing Christ’s continuous favour (v. 23)
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Matters of the Heart…
LOVE… MOMMY… HOUSE… JOY… ANGER… ENEMIES… this was for ice breaker in cell yesterday. These were some of the words we each got, and the instructions were to describe the word, or talk about the subject for 20 seconds. What a coincidence that LOVE and JOY fell into the hands of two individuals who recently just got themselves a partner, kekeke. So, they were being teased about their partners. What made them realise that something just clicked between them, how they got together and who the lucky guy/girl was…
A good laugh we all had hearing their responses. I cudn't help but thought of how opposite mine was: ENEMIES!! Well, not that I haven’t gotten over the whole incident, but as spontaneous as it was, the flashback of past hurts and offences just came rushing in again. So, I shared on the experiences I had with a friend who betrayed my trust by “helping” me ruin my friendship with this guy I eyed for quite some time back then… I was being upfront when I said that it actually went to the extent of HATRED I had for this friend. I guess it was partly my fault for having trusted her without first understanding her true person.
One of them threw me the question on whether my friendship with her was affected? Definitely!! Especially since this had got to do with the “person”. I hated her so much that I did not want to have anything to do with her. It took me so long (and not forgetting many convictions from the Lord) to dress my wounded heart, but miraculously somewhere down the line, I managed to let go. Despite having sorted things out, I decided to let the line remain there, and that is just how far I can go with her now.
On an unrelated matter, as I was having lunch with Kenji and his other assistant Siti, the relationship subject surfaced. As usual, Kenji was all up for the idea of me at least putting an effort to get myself a potential, and Siti looked kinda surprised that I have never dated before. I mean yes, there have been times that I actually wonder if God has that someone prepared for me but other than that I do not let my single hood bother me. Even if I am currently interested in someone, I decided that worrying about whether or not I would end up with him does not help solve the problem. So why make things worse by worrying when I know that I can rest so assuredly in God for the best for me in time to come?
Believe it or not, when it comes to the subject on relationships and PWDs, it is not easy. Some PWDs may disagree, and that is just because they already have it going their way. Indeed, there are many things to think and consider before venturing into a relationship. Commitments, risks, responsibilities, sacrifices. All these for the benefit of both parties. Whether or not my future partner will be a disabled or a non disabled, God knows my desires. But then again, this is what He says in Isaiah 55:8-9, so I am submitted to His will!!
All I am interested in right now is to see that he gets God’s best. If we were ever meant to be, then so be it. Otherwise, I am happy for him all the same. Whoever you are, I dedicate this to you. This is indeed the best I can do for you. For now, this little princess (ahem! *winkz*) belongs wholly to the one & only Prince in my life - Jesus the Prince of Peace!
A good laugh we all had hearing their responses. I cudn't help but thought of how opposite mine was: ENEMIES!! Well, not that I haven’t gotten over the whole incident, but as spontaneous as it was, the flashback of past hurts and offences just came rushing in again. So, I shared on the experiences I had with a friend who betrayed my trust by “helping” me ruin my friendship with this guy I eyed for quite some time back then… I was being upfront when I said that it actually went to the extent of HATRED I had for this friend. I guess it was partly my fault for having trusted her without first understanding her true person.
One of them threw me the question on whether my friendship with her was affected? Definitely!! Especially since this had got to do with the “person”. I hated her so much that I did not want to have anything to do with her. It took me so long (and not forgetting many convictions from the Lord) to dress my wounded heart, but miraculously somewhere down the line, I managed to let go. Despite having sorted things out, I decided to let the line remain there, and that is just how far I can go with her now.
On an unrelated matter, as I was having lunch with Kenji and his other assistant Siti, the relationship subject surfaced. As usual, Kenji was all up for the idea of me at least putting an effort to get myself a potential, and Siti looked kinda surprised that I have never dated before. I mean yes, there have been times that I actually wonder if God has that someone prepared for me but other than that I do not let my single hood bother me. Even if I am currently interested in someone, I decided that worrying about whether or not I would end up with him does not help solve the problem. So why make things worse by worrying when I know that I can rest so assuredly in God for the best for me in time to come?
Believe it or not, when it comes to the subject on relationships and PWDs, it is not easy. Some PWDs may disagree, and that is just because they already have it going their way. Indeed, there are many things to think and consider before venturing into a relationship. Commitments, risks, responsibilities, sacrifices. All these for the benefit of both parties. Whether or not my future partner will be a disabled or a non disabled, God knows my desires. But then again, this is what He says in Isaiah 55:8-9, so I am submitted to His will!!
All I am interested in right now is to see that he gets God’s best. If we were ever meant to be, then so be it. Otherwise, I am happy for him all the same. Whoever you are, I dedicate this to you. This is indeed the best I can do for you. For now, this little princess (ahem! *winkz*) belongs wholly to the one & only Prince in my life - Jesus the Prince of Peace!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Freedom Behind the Wheels!! Weee~~
Freedom is something I have lost since the tender age of 14 months old… Am I on my way to getting it back? I really hope so *winkz* Both my occupational therapists are teaming up as best they can to help me achieve my dream to freedom, yay… Freedom to do what I want, GO where I want!! Freedom is something very essential for someone who likes to go out all the time, so in order to have that freedom, getting a car and my license is the next thing on mind… weee~~
I have to learn, practice and train up on so many things if I want to drive… First off, I have to learn to co-ordinate the movements of my hands and feet… cerebal palsy (CP) is characterized by an inability to fully control motor function, particularly muscle control and coordination [for more info on cerebal palsy, read this] Out of the 4 types of CP listed there, I am diagnosed with Spastic CP… in short, both my left hand and leg is affected… although my right leg might be slightly stronger than the left, it still is kinda slow in coordination… a little complicated there, but my therapists came up with the suggestion that I might pass with driving with a right hand and right leg… so, ok, that’s that…
Next question is “What if I was alone without any company? Am I able to get the wheelchair into, and out of, the car without any assistance?” so, the assessment began with testing me out to see if I could manage the chair… I could fold it, I could open it back again, but that’s about it… I realised that I would have difficulty carrying it over to the passenger side… even if the wheels and footrests were detached, it was still heavy… hmmm…
But the fact that they see the potential of me behind those wheels just got me excited, kekeke… Now if it was ever God's will that i made that transition in my life, this is where i would start - having my own transport & "sending" myself there every week without having to depend on friends' availability (i can't blame them for that since they have their own commitments to ministry) … Which also means I have to start considering certain areas like buying the car (MY OWN CAR!!), and changing to a lighter wheelchair… gosh, a 2-in-1 “vision” and an expensive one too, haha… ok, I better start looking for the right specifications for both 4-wheeled vehicle… weee~~ XD
I have to learn, practice and train up on so many things if I want to drive… First off, I have to learn to co-ordinate the movements of my hands and feet… cerebal palsy (CP) is characterized by an inability to fully control motor function, particularly muscle control and coordination [for more info on cerebal palsy, read this] Out of the 4 types of CP listed there, I am diagnosed with Spastic CP… in short, both my left hand and leg is affected… although my right leg might be slightly stronger than the left, it still is kinda slow in coordination… a little complicated there, but my therapists came up with the suggestion that I might pass with driving with a right hand and right leg… so, ok, that’s that…
Next question is “What if I was alone without any company? Am I able to get the wheelchair into, and out of, the car without any assistance?” so, the assessment began with testing me out to see if I could manage the chair… I could fold it, I could open it back again, but that’s about it… I realised that I would have difficulty carrying it over to the passenger side… even if the wheels and footrests were detached, it was still heavy… hmmm…
But the fact that they see the potential of me behind those wheels just got me excited, kekeke… Now if it was ever God's will that i made that transition in my life, this is where i would start - having my own transport & "sending" myself there every week without having to depend on friends' availability (i can't blame them for that since they have their own commitments to ministry) … Which also means I have to start considering certain areas like buying the car (MY OWN CAR!!), and changing to a lighter wheelchair… gosh, a 2-in-1 “vision” and an expensive one too, haha… ok, I better start looking for the right specifications for both 4-wheeled vehicle… weee~~ XD
Just Too Free...
You Should Consult a Few Friends First |
 It's possible that your guy is cool with you proposing, but why take the chance? At the very least, talk to a couple mutual friends to see what they think he'll say It sounds like him saying no would be a setback for your relationship And if things are going smoothly, why take that risk? Only ask if you know it will go well. |
Guys Like That You're Sensitive |
 |
| You Are a Cappuccino |
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| You Are a White Rose |
 You represent youthfulness and purity. Your vibe: Sweet and heavenly Falling in love with you: is like falling in love for the first time |
| You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy |
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| You Are Medium Maintenance |
 |
| You Are Friends With Potential |
 |
| You are a Great Girlfriend |
 |
| You Are a Coy Flirt! |
 |
| You Are An Intro-Extrovert! |
 |
| You Are Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream |
 |
Friday, July 14, 2006
And So He Speaks!!
Still…
Hide me now,
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hands
** When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still know You are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
*Ouch* The word “still” just pierced through me like I’ve been stabbed with a knife. I know I promised myself to let go and let God, but as human as I am, I fall short of that promise. Lord, help me!
This song, or rather just the word itself, was mentioned 3 times within the week. Coincidence? I don’t think so. First, it was a word from the Lord through Connor in the Light House prayer log that came in last Thursday, speaking straight into me to “be still when He speaks.” Worship for cell the next day was led by Peter, this song again. Gosh, it is not as if they knew what was going on in my head to deliberately use this song at me. It has to be God at work!! So I was only thinking in my head that the next place it will appear is either in SURGE or FAITH, weekly e-newsletters of DUMC. True enough when I received the mail, the song was right there, haha…
It is not easy when we do it with our own strength, really. It has been tried and tested that there’s no way to force it if it was never God’s will to begin with – my Japan application was an obvious proof in itself. Therefore for the sake of the ones I love, and for my own good, I made a decision to slow down, be still and let Jesus take the wheels, the wheels of my life!!
Jesus, Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her mama and her daddy with the baby in the back seat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It’s been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flashed before her eyes
She didn’t even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air
** Jesus, take the wheels, take it from my hands
Coz I can't do this on my own
I’m letting go, so give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said, “I’m sorry for the way
I’ve been livin’ my life
I know I’ve got to change
So from now on tonight
Hide me now,
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hands
** When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still know You are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
*Ouch* The word “still” just pierced through me like I’ve been stabbed with a knife. I know I promised myself to let go and let God, but as human as I am, I fall short of that promise. Lord, help me!
This song, or rather just the word itself, was mentioned 3 times within the week. Coincidence? I don’t think so. First, it was a word from the Lord through Connor in the Light House prayer log that came in last Thursday, speaking straight into me to “be still when He speaks.” Worship for cell the next day was led by Peter, this song again. Gosh, it is not as if they knew what was going on in my head to deliberately use this song at me. It has to be God at work!! So I was only thinking in my head that the next place it will appear is either in SURGE or FAITH, weekly e-newsletters of DUMC. True enough when I received the mail, the song was right there, haha…
It is not easy when we do it with our own strength, really. It has been tried and tested that there’s no way to force it if it was never God’s will to begin with – my Japan application was an obvious proof in itself. Therefore for the sake of the ones I love, and for my own good, I made a decision to slow down, be still and let Jesus take the wheels, the wheels of my life!!
Jesus, Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her mama and her daddy with the baby in the back seat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It’s been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flashed before her eyes
She didn’t even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air
** Jesus, take the wheels, take it from my hands
Coz I can't do this on my own
I’m letting go, so give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said, “I’m sorry for the way
I’ve been livin’ my life
I know I’ve got to change
So from now on tonight
Monday, July 10, 2006
RETREATS…
These kinds of sunset pictures always remind me of retreats, be it youth camps, leaders’ retreats, cell retreats, especially if it was a seaside view… the beauty of these kinds of sunset sceneries used to be an object for our cameras, and a compliment for our poser acts as the trip comes to an end… [this picture was captured by my sister during our family trip to Langkawi last year… *Note: Esther, don’t say I take your pic without permission :p I mentioned your BIG name here, kekeke]
I love retreats!! It has been a while since I went for one… The last retreat I went for was the Selangor #7 Royal Rangers Leaders’ Retreat back in November last year… Although this retreat was a little different from those of the previous years’, it was no doubt, the personal retreat that I really appreciated most… besides the usual fellowship time we had in various “cliques”, they had an outdoor time of fun at the waterfalls (which I sat out becoz it was inconvenient for me to tag along)… I used the word “they” because all went, except me (Auntie Chew & Auntie Deanna stayed back too), but it was all good *winkz*
I could use some time alone to myself, waiting on the Lord… not like I don’t usually do that, but having the peace & privacy in your own room without any distractions & disturbances from the “outside world” really feels good sometimes… more often than not it is in retreats like this that I am so relaxed in God that I do not have to worry about the cares & concerns of life… reflecting on His goodness, marveling at His faithfulness and just appreciating Him for who He is!! In such a solitary time as this, I got to know more of myself, what I really wanted in life (and of course it is what God wanted for me that matters most!)…
That was 8 mths ago… at the moment, a 2-months break from a weekly full, busy Sunday is good as well… don’t get me wrong, not that my passion for serving (not forgetting my passion for children) is dying, but I do believed that apart from serving in the ministry, it is also essential that we get our lives right with God, seek His will, and move on with His vision for us… of course at the end of the day, wherever we are, whatever we do, it is our relationship with Him that matters most *winkz*
I want to go for a retreat!! Hahaha… I have missed 2 retreats this year, one is the Praise Givers’ cell retreat to Pulau Perhentian in Terengganu, the other a family retreat back to my home town, Terengganu again, haha… when will the next one be? DUMC’s Young Adult (YA) camp? Light House’s cell retreat? Maybe I could suggest this to Connor, haha =) The Selangor #7 Royal Rangers Leaders’ Retreat will only be held in November, haih *lol* retreats, retreats…
Friday, July 07, 2006
What If I Let You Go?
Day after day, time pass away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show
To letting you know
I’ve never felt so much love before
And once again I’m thinkin’ about
Taking the easy way out…
Chorus:
But if I let you go,
I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me
How will I know if I let you go…
Night after night, I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There’s no one like you to speak to my heart
It’s such a shame we’re worlds apart
I’m to shy too ask
I’m too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I’m thinkin’ about
Taking the easy way out…
Years ago, when I was still in high school, the liking for boy bands like Westlife and Backstreet Boys is merely for their cute looks, kakaka… Until one day, this song struck me, and a hard one it was… Today, it struck me a second time, sigh… In short, I was disappointed!! My human mind saw it the negative way when I knew there was no way out, or rather I didn’t know how to handle it…
Like the chorus says: But if I let it go, I will never know… what my life would be, holding it close to me… will I ever see it coming back to me, how will I know if I let it go… I was so affected by the situation that happened this morning I just felt like giving up the whole idea… But guess what? A short while later, my cousin, Hong Yin, buzzed me online and as we begin chatting, she brought a whole new light to the situation which I have never pictured before… although she doesn’t know exactly what is going on, something she said really made me think twice about my own thoughts and perception of things…
Thanx gal!! Altho it doesn’t help solve the whole problem, I see a new light in this situation now and I cannot deny that you had a point there in terms of wanting the best… I will strive on!! *muaks*
[Add-ins: I forgot… what I’m looking at now, after chatting with my cousin, is a whole new pic altogether… Is not the title of the song, but rather the last two lines of each verse *winkz* thanx again, Yin :)]
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show
To letting you know
I’ve never felt so much love before
And once again I’m thinkin’ about
Taking the easy way out…
Chorus:
But if I let you go,
I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me
How will I know if I let you go…
Night after night, I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There’s no one like you to speak to my heart
It’s such a shame we’re worlds apart
I’m to shy too ask
I’m too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I’m thinkin’ about
Taking the easy way out…
Years ago, when I was still in high school, the liking for boy bands like Westlife and Backstreet Boys is merely for their cute looks, kakaka… Until one day, this song struck me, and a hard one it was… Today, it struck me a second time, sigh… In short, I was disappointed!! My human mind saw it the negative way when I knew there was no way out, or rather I didn’t know how to handle it…
Like the chorus says: But if I let it go, I will never know… what my life would be, holding it close to me… will I ever see it coming back to me, how will I know if I let it go… I was so affected by the situation that happened this morning I just felt like giving up the whole idea… But guess what? A short while later, my cousin, Hong Yin, buzzed me online and as we begin chatting, she brought a whole new light to the situation which I have never pictured before… although she doesn’t know exactly what is going on, something she said really made me think twice about my own thoughts and perception of things…
Thanx gal!! Altho it doesn’t help solve the whole problem, I see a new light in this situation now and I cannot deny that you had a point there in terms of wanting the best… I will strive on!! *muaks*
[Add-ins: I forgot… what I’m looking at now, after chatting with my cousin, is a whole new pic altogether… Is not the title of the song, but rather the last two lines of each verse *winkz* thanx again, Yin :)]
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
A Timely Call...
Did God just sent an angel to deliver my heart’s request all the way from here to Melbourne? Seriously, it was so timely! I really needed someone to whom I can speak my heart out, an emotional outlet… Someone who know me well enough that I do not need to have a hard time explaining myself… And hey presto, Wei Sern buzzed me online… it was 12.00 a.m. this morning :) Not only did he buzz me, shortly after I mentioned that there’s so much I wanted to tell him, he offered to call me so I could talk about it… Melbourne time would be 2.00 a.m. and he could very well be snoring in bed, but still a whole hour was spared just to hear me out, although I know that this whole conversation might have sounded silly to him… Aaww, ain’t that sweet? Wei, don’t pop yah? XD but yes, that was just what he did… he called me all the way from Melb!! Dude, you don’t know how much I appreciate that!!
This was such an important call to me, really… in fact, I was just thinking to myself a few days ago how nice if Wei was here, which reminds me a lot about the times when he was still here in Malaysia… having been a close friend who has been there for me, I wont deny the fact that I really missed him, hehe… and the fact that someone was there to hear me out was good, really good!! some might say, “you know, you shouldn't depend on men for they might fail you!! Don’t you think you should turn to God rather than getting yourself disappointed should your human friends fail you?” For those of you out there who thought that way, don’t you see the picture that friends are an extension of God’s love? They are there because God sent them to us… when we need a shoulder to cry on or even a reassuring hug, it is our trusted friends that God will bring at the right time for the right reason… to comfort us and hear us out… just be there for us EVEN IF no words were spoken… or He might even SPEAK to us through our friends…
Thank you is all I can say, my dear friend!! It is appreciated beyond words can say, really!! Particularly THIS call *lol* above all else thank You for granting my heart’s request to receive that call…
Monday, July 03, 2006
LIFE IS FRAGILE…
How true is that? I just found out today (wonder how come I wasn’t informed) from one of my kids in Royal Rangers that her mom had passed away last month due to colon cancer… eight-year-old Kher Huey is such an innocent, adorable little girl, but yet life just had to throw something like that at her… can we say life is unfair then? Yes and no… A yes is to the fact that Kher Huey has lost someone she dearly loved and needed in her formative years, to be there for her when she needed someone to turn to… A role model, a mother, the most important person in one’s life!! A no is because we have an all-knowing God who wants nothing but the best for us, therefore when He sees that we can no longer bear the sufferings, He brings us to a place where we can freely trade our sickness for health in Jesus’ name!!As much as we want her to be victorious over the sickness, we also know that Jesus loves her too much to see her in that suffering state to let her go on struggling to fight the battle… it was because of the miracle that she was once able to survive this deadly disease that she gave her life to Jesus… Little did she know that a relapse of that sickness would come back to haunt her… But being a new Christian, Auntie Lai Fun knew that her life was secure in Him… I knew she faithfully went to church, and she even sent her only daughter Kher Huey to Rangers to be nurtured wholly as a person: Physical, Spiritual, Mental & Social… I just pray that Kher Huey will remain strong for her dad’s sake… Ooh, heard from my mom that her dad may have accepted the Lord becoz he was seen holding a Bible in church… Praise God!! Kher Huey, commander loves you!! But what's more important, Jesus loves you *hugz*
This proves that life is so fragile… no one will ever know when his time here on earth is up except God and until that time comes, our responsibility here is to fulfill our calling in Him… may I add that prayerfully we will be able to achieve all our dreams & hopes instead of leaving this earth with regrets (I’m speaking to myself here as well, haha)
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Risking it all...
Should I? Will I? What if? How? Is it worth it? Aaarrgghh!! Help me!! Hahaha… These questions have been repeatedly playing in my head lately… “But you will never know until and unless you try,” is the subsequent response to those thoughts… I have been, and still am, in a situation where I want to see something happen, but am afraid to move in with it… Afraid of what I don’t know…
Many a times I have taken it in on myself, never did anything drastic, never dared… Why? Fear is the word!! I think it all began with just a simple conversation with Peter (I do appreciate that call very much Peter), afterwhich he left me pondering so much on it, sigh… AND as if to add salt to the wound, my sister started asking me questions pertaining to that, not that I blamed her for it… So began our sisterly chats where, in the midst of our girl talks, I began to realise a whole new picture as far as this issue is concerned… Believe it or not, there were some areas where as usual, full of opinions to offer, she kind of confirmed what Peter shared with me the night before… hey, thanx A LOT, you two *winkz*
What if such and such happened? Will I take the risk? What if I am face to face with the opportunity right now? Something that I have been smiling at, something that I know I would gladly welcome. Will I dare to grab hold of it? Or will I just let it pass & slip through my fingers just because I am afraid? What if someone were to come knocking at my heart’s door? Am I ready to swing it open for him? Am I ready to start a journey with the person who might one day end up as the one who will complete me? Is he willing enough to sacrifice his life for me? I have no right to demand anything, really… I shall just take things one at a time *winkz*
A mental note & self reminder: NEVER DO SOMETHING I WILL REGRET LATER!! And that something is to let the opportunity slip through my fingers, heh…
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