怎么会这样？？

一直的对自己说要坚强，　要坚强。。　可是我再次失败了。。　昨晚上了床过后，　眼泪一直流的不停。。　他告诉我说昨天（也就是拜6）他和琳荔他们要聚会，　问我要不要一起。。　我很辛苦！！　好累！！　我到底几时才能有自己自由的生活呢？　尤其是交朋友方面。。　怎么会这样？　连交朋友也要紧紧的控制我？　我很想答应他，　可是却很怕家人会再反对。。为什么？

我好辛苦！！　表面上，　我给人家看到坚强的我，　使得他们信任我而把心事说给我听，　让我可以和他们分担问题。。　可是我自己所面对的问题，　又有谁能和我分担呢？　最近，　我时常都会胡思乱想，　时常都会湿眼。。　有谁会了解我？　找来找去，　也不是那几位残障朋友。。真的谢谢你们。。 我相信没有其他人能够清楚的了解残障人士的感受， 除非他们自己也体会过身体有残缺的这种的感受。。

不知自己为何最近那么敏感。。　动不动就小气。。　动不动就很想哭。。怎么会这样？　还记得那天琳荔说，　她看得出我的 “persistence”。。 她说我很坚强的坚持到底。。 说到她， 我真的很佩服她。。虽然我们认识不久， 相处不多， 可是只要我和她一起的时候， 她可以让我觉得很轻松， 完全没有压力。。 不必假装， 不必逃避自己。。

另外， 我20年的愿望已经实现了。。 虽然不是亲哥哥， 可是只要你能明白了解我， 我有心事时， 你做我的听众， 有眼泪时借我肩膀。。 我就会很感激你了。。 哥， 谢谢你！！至于“怎么会这样”这个问题呢。。 只有上帝才能给我真确的答案。。 希望“怎么会这样”会跟着时间而飘过。。 迎接一个美好的答案来。。

Taking second alternatives??

[cofee & choc? weee~~~
pic taken during a Malaysia Methodist Church seminar while we were at Beautiful Gate staff retreat. having listen to a speech wholly in mandarin, I got restless and started meddling with the cam during the 2nd half of the 1st day, haha... that was reason enough why we insisted on the table at the back, considering some of em fell asleep during the seminar, wahaha xP 福平和据顺。。 贿赂我吧。。 哈哈哈]

I’m sorry!! This was not what I imagined it turned out to be… I thought I wouldn’t mind all that. Indeed, I did not mind, and would not mind. But influences from the “outside world” really break my heart, and I find myself saying sorry yet again :-(

Fervent promises were made back then. Adamant to keep ’em. Strong headed to stand firm. But now I find no choice but to put on a mask to the promises once made. Am I allowed to take an alternative route? I know I have “sinned”, but it is never done on purpose. I thought I would not succumb, but I sinfully failed. I just wished I need not have to say that “my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.”

It’s just a wonder how I can be so transparent to bare my heart to Wei in just a 3-minute conversation on msn. Within just those 3 minutes, I found myself grasping for the tissue box, and silently longing for a hug and an available shoulder. I played with fire, got burnt.

Second alternatives? Indeed there is one alternative waiting for me to venture into, but am I willing? I know it would hurt you because I know how you feel but I definitely cannot bear to impose more discrimination and add prejudice to the already existing ones. Think, look, see and scrutinize.

勇气。。 我需要的是勇气。。真的好感激那一群残障朋友的支持。。虽然只是那么短短的在ym写下“我给你勇气”来回复我， 可是这些动作对我来说就是最重要的。。 因为就代表还有人能够体谅明白我的。。 谢谢你们 :-* 谢谢你们这一年里那么热心的接受我成为你们的一分子 :)

WHAT IS FAITH??

I may very well have Hebrews 11:1 at the tip of my fingers, but do I really grasp the meaning & significance of it? People say I am stupid, stubborn (固执) and whatever else they hurled at me, but who are they to question my faith? I had a reason for doing what I did.

I arrived church that Saturday evening, on my electric wheelchair, a friend accompanied me on his bike :p it was super gloomy early on that day, threatening to pour... My students knew of my intentiion to go to church that day, so they were feeding me with negative remarks about the gloomy weather... All the more I started praying and nullifying the dark clouds. I left Beautiful Gate, after my class, with prayers that the rain will be held back until I stepped into church grounds. Miraculously, God did just that for me ;)
p/s: What is more funny is that it rained cats and dogs only after I entered church grounds, and continued raining throughout the service... and stopped when it was time to get home ;)

Why did the Bible explain Hebrews 11:1 the way it did? What does it really mean by “… a substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen” What then, is faith? I trusted Him, and He answered my prayers, woohoo... Indeed, He is a Beautiful Saviour, a God of all majesty!! My God of majesty just held back the rain for me to be able to be in His house... Is it coincidentally that this song was being sung that day? I dont think so ;)

Beautiful Saviour lyrics & chords here

I really like and admire Pastor Daniel for his mountain-moving faith, seriously!! Imagine a thanksgiving dinner in an uncovered, wide-open space when you know that the weather can unpredictably bring rain. Pastor, you the man... Wahaha xP and I know you were irritated and upset that we of little faith left the dinner halfway thru when it started only drizzling :p kekeke..

The rainbow above Dream Centre, God's covenant to us ~~ 23 March, Sunday (easter)