Taking second alternatives??

[cofee & choc? weee~~~
pic taken during a Malaysia Methodist Church seminar while we were at Beautiful Gate staff retreat. having listen to a speech wholly in mandarin, I got restless and started meddling with the cam during the 2nd half of the 1st day, haha... that was reason enough why we insisted on the table at the back, considering some of em fell asleep during the seminar, wahaha xP 福平和据顺。。 贿赂我吧。。 哈哈哈]

I’m sorry!! This was not what I imagined it turned out to be… I thought I wouldn’t mind all that. Indeed, I did not mind, and would not mind. But influences from the “outside world” really break my heart, and I find myself saying sorry yet again :-(

Fervent promises were made back then. Adamant to keep ’em. Strong headed to stand firm. But now I find no choice but to put on a mask to the promises once made. Am I allowed to take an alternative route? I know I have “sinned”, but it is never done on purpose. I thought I would not succumb, but I sinfully failed. I just wished I need not have to say that “my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.”

It’s just a wonder how I can be so transparent to bare my heart to Wei in just a 3-minute conversation on msn. Within just those 3 minutes, I found myself grasping for the tissue box, and silently longing for a hug and an available shoulder. I played with fire, got burnt.

Second alternatives? Indeed there is one alternative waiting for me to venture into, but am I willing? I know it would hurt you because I know how you feel but I definitely cannot bear to impose more discrimination and add prejudice to the already existing ones. Think, look, see and scrutinize.

勇气。。 我需要的是勇气。。真的好感激那一群残障朋友的支持。。虽然只是那么短短的在ym写下“我给你勇气”来回复我， 可是这些动作对我来说就是最重要的。。 因为就代表还有人能够体谅明白我的。。 谢谢你们 :-* 谢谢你们这一年里那么热心的接受我成为你们的一分子 :)

WHAT IS FAITH??

I may very well have Hebrews 11:1 at the tip of my fingers, but do I really grasp the meaning & significance of it? People say I am stupid, stubborn (固执) and whatever else they hurled at me, but who are they to question my faith? I had a reason for doing what I did.

I arrived church that Saturday evening, on my electric wheelchair, a friend accompanied me on his bike :p it was super gloomy early on that day, threatening to pour... My students knew of my intentiion to go to church that day, so they were feeding me with negative remarks about the gloomy weather... All the more I started praying and nullifying the dark clouds. I left Beautiful Gate, after my class, with prayers that the rain will be held back until I stepped into church grounds. Miraculously, God did just that for me ;)
p/s: What is more funny is that it rained cats and dogs only after I entered church grounds, and continued raining throughout the service... and stopped when it was time to get home ;)

Why did the Bible explain Hebrews 11:1 the way it did? What does it really mean by “… a substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen” What then, is faith? I trusted Him, and He answered my prayers, woohoo... Indeed, He is a Beautiful Saviour, a God of all majesty!! My God of majesty just held back the rain for me to be able to be in His house... Is it coincidentally that this song was being sung that day? I dont think so ;)

Beautiful Saviour lyrics & chords here

I really like and admire Pastor Daniel for his mountain-moving faith, seriously!! Imagine a thanksgiving dinner in an uncovered, wide-open space when you know that the weather can unpredictably bring rain. Pastor, you the man... Wahaha xP and I know you were irritated and upset that we of little faith left the dinner halfway thru when it started only drizzling :p kekeke..

The rainbow above Dream Centre, God's covenant to us ~~ 23 March, Sunday (easter)

Out of the teabag...

残缺也是一种美 by 黎胜平
Can que ye shi yi zhong mei (Disability is also a form of beauty)

记得家乡门口的那个女孩
Ji de jia xiang men kou de na ge nv hai　
一对膀子长短都不一样
Yi dui bang zi chang duan dou bu yi yang
走起路来终是一瘸一拐
Zou qi lu lai zhong shi yi que yi guai 　
说起话来 结巴没人爱
Shuo qi hua lai jie ba mei ren ai

街坊的小孩 终是嘲讽陷害
Jie fang de xiao hai zhong shi chao feng xian hai　
女孩无话 只能靜靜无奈
Nv hai wu hua zhi neng jing jing wu nai

** 外婆告诉我不可以笑她
Wai po gao su wo bu ke yi xiao ta
因为残缺也是一种美
Yin wei can que ye shi yi zhong mei
我看清晨女孩挽著衣篮摇摆
Wo kan qing chen nv hai huan zhe yi lan yao bai
从家门口渐渐走来
Cong jia men kou jian jian zou lai
那忍辱负重的步伐轻轻迈开
Na ren ru fu zhong de bu fa qing qing mai kai
坚毅善良的面庞　多么净白
Jian yi shan liang de mian pang duo me jing bai
我终于明白
Wo zhong yu ming bai

记得家乡门口的那个女孩
Ji de jia xiang men kou de na ge nv hai　
一对膀子长短都不一样
Yi dui bang zi chang duan dou bu yi yang
走起路来终是一瘸一拐
Zou qi lu lai zhong shi yi que yi guai 　
说起话来 结巴没人爱
Shuo qi hua lai jie ba mei ren ai

街坊的小孩 终是嘲讽陷害
Jie fang de xiao hai zhong shi chao feng xian hai　
女孩无话 只能靜靜无奈
Nv hai wu hua zhi neng jing jing wu nai

** 外婆告诉我不可以笑她　因为残缺也是一种美
Wai po gao su wo bu ke yi xiao ta
因为残缺也是一种美
Yin wei can que ye shi yi zhong mei
我看清晨女孩挽著衣篮摇摆
Wo kan qing chen nv hai huan zhe yi lan yao bai
从家门口渐渐走来
Cong jia men kou jian jian zou lai
那忍辱负重的步伐轻轻迈开
Na ren ru fu zhong de bu fa qing qing mai kai
坚毅善良的面庞　多么净白
Jian yi shan liang de mian pang duo me jing bai
我终于明白
Wo zhong yu ming bai

月亮不一定要圆满
Yue liang bu yi ding yao yuan man　
残缺也是一种美丽
Can que ye shi yi zhong mei li
人生不一定要拥有
Ren sheng bu yi ding yao yong you
享有也是一种福气　
Xiang you ye shi yi zhong fu qi
逆来顺受 化腐朽为神奇
Ni lai shun shou hua fu xiu wei shen qi
残缺生命 也能彩绘 出美丽的诗偈
Can que sheng ming ye neng cai hui chu me li de shi ji

我看清晨女挽着衣篮摇摆
Wo kan qing chen nv hai huan zhe yi lan yao bai
从家门口渐渐走来
Cong jia men kou jian jian zou lai
那忍辱负重的步伐轻轻的迈开
Na ren ru fu zhong de bu fa qing qing mai kai
坚毅善良的面庞　多么净白
Jian yi shan liang de mian pang duo me jing bai
我终于明白
Wo zhong yu ming bai

眼睛湿了。。 不懂为什么。。 其怪， 我又不太明白正首歌， 如何懂得它说什么呢？ 也有好几句都不太了解的。。 可是， 已经自然的被感动。。 也许东看一点西看一点， 大概的明白了。。加上福平哥的解释，这歌词变得更清楚了。。

最吸引我的一句就是那“月亮不一定要圆满” 与 “残缺生命 也能彩绘 出美丽的诗偈”

月亮不一定要圆满只因为这是神所赐的。。那，既然月亮的原装是圆可有时却不圆， 人一定要完美才算完美吗？　

残缺也是一种美。。 Oh yes, I finally bumped into someone who would really sincerely say this: Disability is also a form of beauty… Finally someone who would appreciate and be proud of me despite my disability… or I would also say because of my disability… It really does make a whole lot of difference, especially when the rest of the world insist of thinking otherwise… Haih…

It’s been a year since the trauma of another surgery, and it is a wonder how so much can change just within such a short time frame. I have changed, and I definitely know it. Because I am learning to accept reality and situations the way they are rather than forcing change to a natural mishaps… I am learning to love and accept myself for who I am, and not denying obvious facts…

I saw Chriselle coming from the opposite direction when on my way out after my hospital follow up … conversation topics change from one to another, and finally dwelled on my most recent “hotspot”… if she could sincerely tell me all that she saw about me, then why are the others giving me such a hard time? Didn’t Hebrews 11:1 tell us what faith is all about? And didn’t 1 Timothy 4:4 tell us that “… everything God created is good?”

Well, I am thankful for the company that chooses to see the best in me… I am thankful for the company that SEES the best in me… I am thankful for that same company that UNDERSTANDS and BELIEVES in me… I love you all, really!! 我们相信残障也是一种美， 因为只有我们才会体会到残障的生活方式。。

I don’t care if this doesn’t make any sense at all, as long as I release what I wanna release!! That’s one issue there, the other being that of the stupid fibroid, I mean the remainings inside my tummy… Grown from a 2 or 3cm to a 5 now, shit!! 放过我吧！！ 一次过那么多东西要烦。。 伤害自己又烦， 伤害别人又烦。。 啊。。。。。。。。。。。有时很难做人， 好多压力！！

And why is this post titled the way it is? Because a teabag has to be put in hot boiling water for the fragrance to come forth... Can I the say that I am the teabag in a pot of boiling trials and testings? Can I then understand the significance of 1 Corinthians 10:13?

p/s: ooh, btw... I went for the hospital appointment ALONE!!! Hahaha... But I guess some people just will not be able to appreciate that though... So sad... 我要证明给他们看， 我开始慢慢的不必依靠人了。。 可惜， 他们都看不见这一些的。。 因为他们的思想就是“她是残障， 好多东西做不到， 我还不能放手。。” 那和坐 xx 都没什么大分别了。。 好难呼吸。。 嗨。。

Please!! Put this teabag in a hotter hot water, haha...

The seasons of it all...

谁说坚强的人不流泪？ 就是因为知道自己伤害了人家却忍不住， 又哭了 :( 10 个月就这样的飞过。。 但一点的改变也不曾出现过。。 人生， 必须成长。。 必须坚强的面对生活中的每一个难关。。 也许， 这就是成长的一部分吧。。 可是， 这一切都是残障人士逃不过的考验。。 有时我真的很讨厌自己。。 为什么人家残障我也残障。。 人家可以成功的独立， 我偏偏还在控制之下 :( 那种感觉， 非常很难受。。

“You see me through the seasons… Cover me with Your hand… ”

感觉好像距离越来越大。。 有点失望。。 以为， 以为。。 全部都是以为！！ 我受够了！！ 美门就是我放轻松的地方， 因为可得到支持。。 原来， 外人也不算外人了。。 因为我们互相了解。。 反而， 令我失望的偏偏就是你 =(( 为什么？ 我很讨厌“歧视”这两个字！！ 请你放过我吧！！

“I’m carried in everlastin’ arms, You’ll never let me go…

我相信上帝有眼睛看到这一切。。明知我很辛苦， 为什么还让我苦下去？

...Through it all”

Sometimes mindsets can kill!!

演员A: 我知道你有什么都是为他好。。。 但是他现时已在社会做过事。。。 有了满足感， 有自己的想法。。。 你处处逼他， 他反抗只会越大。。。 你是不是想把他逼得做出反叛行为？

演员B: 我常向神祷告， 望他早日成长。。。 早日学会自立。。。 到他真的可以到那么远打工， 我又怕他越走越远， 想起来， 我自己觉得很矛盾。。。

这样的想法。。 如果是从一位非残障而来，那我觉得你更笨还没完全了解我们这一群残障人士。。 像我朋友所说的。。 How long can the parents be there to protect the child? What will happen to the child after the parents are no longer around?

拜托你！！ 除了这一句， 我真的无话可说了。。 真的拜托你。。 给我一点空间， 好马？It is only through managing his own needs that the child regains a sense of self-reliance and self-worth. That confidence will in turn empower him to take charge of his own life, be responsible for his own actions and learn to be independent.

如果你想法只有“恐惧，忧虑 和 疑惑”。。 那我可以大胆的告诉你， 我绝对学不到东西的。。 绝对没机会独立起来。。 我可以保证， 你绝对不会永远在我身边。。 到时， 我是否会变成你放不下的负担？We certainly cannot expect the child to suddenly grow up and fend for himself. There are skills that are required for activities of daily living and skills needed for living independently. These have to be learnt over a period of time.

现在， 因为他是个残障人士， 你担心我的安全。。 想想看， 如果我没有他， 到时你是否也一样会担心完全没有人照顾和陪伴我过生活？

Haih... Sometimes mindsets can kill...

A NOTE FOR LIFE!!

(Click on image for an enlarged version)

Found this very interesting msn nick :p

Indeed, it is not about finding or waiting for the right and perfect person because we all fall short of the glory of God, and are not perfect (or rather will not be perfect)… but whether or not we are perfect outwardly, it does not matter… or rather it should not matter because if we say that we are followers of Christ, we should learn to adopt His attitude of looking beyond what meets the eye. For the Bible says that man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

Similarly, the key to success is not finding the right job (for the workaholics) or the right person (for those looking for friendship or a companion); it is learning to love the job you have or the person you found. It is learning to ACCEPT, be satisfied and contented with what we already have. Appreciate the inward quality, not the outward beauty, because charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last therefore your beauty should not come from outward adornment…instead it should be of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

确定爱上人的八个方法。。。

1) 当你正在忙时， 却把手记开着， 等着他的电话。。 你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

2) 如果你喜欢和他两个人单独漫步。。 你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

3) 当你和他在一起时，你会假装不注意他， 但当他离开你的视线时, 你会急着寻找他, 你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

4) 当他受伤或生病时， 你会很关心他， 替他着急。。 你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

5) 当他和别人要好时， 你会感到吃味。。。 你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

6) 当他把脸贴近你时， 你会感到脸红， 心跳加速。。你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

7) 当你看到他那甜美的笑时， 你的嘴角会扬起一丝得意的笑。。你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

8) 当你看到这篇文章时， 心里想到某个人。。那么你肯定已经爱上他了。。。。。。

Something someone sent to me... Tell me what you think? ;)