Making A Difference

Losing weight...

2010-11-09T22:43:00.000+08:00

They say “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”, but I say “an apple a day keeps the fat fat away”… Haha… I’d rather be skinny yet healthy than chomping undesirable “substance” which will lead to routine purging… I recently happened to sniff upon some nauseating stench, afterwhich witnessed some disgusting sight. Ooh, and minutes later heard some undesirable news. Since I’ve been a small eater since the first surgery 3yrs ago, just one full apple a day is “sap sap water”, hehe…

The secret to staying full and not crave for food? Drink lots and lots and lots and lots of water… And go pee lots and lots and lots and lots, wahaha… Don’t believe me? Try it!! I can proudly say that I survived the 30-hour Famine without a single bite but solely on plain water…

The ET Returns??

2010-11-05T13:38:00.001+08:00

Contemplation on whether or not I should get to blogging again... After ditching this blog for www.elaineteo.com three years ago, of which it was long dead, I am now struggling with the option of whether I should come back to blogging.

It would require deliberate effort to keep this blogging habit a momentum. We'll see how things go, but at the mo, I want to try something which will help me earn more money. Feedbacks will come later.

ET takes off for now, but ET will be back.

Celebrating 10 years!!!

2008-11-03T00:12:00.003+08:00

Yesterday marked our first decade. Celebrating 10 years of friendship with someone who has been one of my best buddies since ages ago. Someone whom I can count on to pull me up when I am down, cheer me up when I am emo-ing, hear me out when I just feel like crapping.

How did you manage to be such good friends with someone from the opposite gender? Younger than you pulak tu? You want to know how? Transparency is the answer. There is no hindrance to us chatting about anything. Waiting for our makan session tomorrow, hehe.

Sai lo, thanks for everything!! Blessed 10th year!! I pray that you will always be blessed inside out with His richest blessings. May your wishes & dreams come true in His perfect timing. Don’t forget to spill any and all good news to me, wahaha xP See you tomorrow.

Disappointments…

2008-10-25T01:54:00.000+08:00

If it has been my passion, why is it dying? If it has been what I aspired to do as a ministry, why is it fading? Am I disappointed with situations or life itself? No denying my failures in my job. I am no parent, therefore no experience. I am no certified teacher, therefore no hands-on.

“Spare the rod, spoil the child” What, then, is expected of me? A teacher? A mother? All in one? Don’t expect to throw your child to the teacher, and let her do all the disciplining when all the parent does is spoil him by not spanking him when a mistake is done. Time is the factor. Have you got enough time for the kiddos in your hands? If I am in the liberty, all I want to do is spank them hard! All I want to do is whack them out of their skins to make them realize how irritating it has been.

Disappointments stay with the fact that expectations are piling, and responsibilities are mounting. Yet achievements are out of discussion. To top that up with a troubling medical condition, I am hoping I won’t go into a fit, haha.

Guidelines…

2008-10-05T18:27:00.005+08:00

SERMON TOPIC: THE ALIGNMENT SERIES X: Alignment With God’s Plan – God honoring Courtship

7 Principles of God-Honoring Courtship

1. Seek council first before going steady (Proverbs 15:22) ~~ Let the mind lead, not the heart.

2. Do not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) ~~ A good result from a wrong decision does not make the decision right.

3. A period of truly knowing and appreciating each other better
- dreams, visions and goals
- beliefs, convictions and values
- likes & dislikes, preferences & differences
- expectations (roles & responsibilities)
- motivations & morals
- heritage & legacies (“this is what I remember about him/her”)

4. A serious period to prepare for marriage (Malachi 2:14-16)

5. Put God first in the relationship (Proverbs 19:21, 15:33)
- Cultivate a fear of God

6. The importance of the Christian community (Hebrews 10:25)

7. Seek to build healthy and wholesome relationship (1 Thess 4:3-7)
- “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, think about such things. If anything is exellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

2008-10-03T19:21:00.000+08:00

Thanks for sharing, Grace :D

Dream Job...

2008-09-30T23:02:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago, we played an ice breaker for WELCOME session. “Share with us your dream job or a career that you wished you had or wanted to do.” A variety of dream jobs to select from, and mine was to be a counselor. Such a job suited me, a person who doesnt really love to talk much. Even when around people, I would more often be found listening than joining in the conversations.

Yesterday, the counselor in me had a chance to prove itself. One of my students showed excitement when talikng about his mother. Little did he know that it will stir up emotions of my dear 宝仪. Having been her teacher and friend for exactly 9 months now, I knew that the one thing she is most emotional about is her mother. Every time this scene takes place, I will be nervous inside for I am not sure of what I should really do.

All I could do was just hug her and let her cry. I am in no position to counsel her in this area because I am not in her shoes. From the classroom to the “car park”. There is nothing I can do, but every time such things happen, I am moved to say a prayer for her. That is all I can do. Yes, my dream job (next to a newscaster) is to be a cxxxxxxxr. Actually this reminds me of the times 宝仪 also did her share in being my listener. When I had the “issue”, she was my faithful friend. I wasnt asking for much, all I wanted was someone to listen to my craps back in January through May. Though she may be a very young teenager, she understood my dilemma, and was concern for all that I was going through. 宝仪，谢谢你在我需要支持的时候，都一直在我身边!

Little did I know that on the same night, Wai Ling suddenly buzzed me on msn asking me to call her. I didn’t know that she was going through all that she was going through. But here again, she was sharing her heart. Haha. Don’t know why, very lately, ever since Andrew played the ice breaker in cell, I feel the tugging and nudging to research counseling courses. Is it something I am supposed to pray about? What say You, Lord? Dream? Fantasy? Assumptions? Escapes?

Addition: As of 20:17:47, I got a call from him. I could not help shivering with excitement and nervousness at the same time. It is something I should be praying hard about and acting fast (if it ever was the Lord’s will)

1 + 1 = 2 new souls in heaven...

2008-09-21T01:03:00.005+08:00

Within one week, 2 souls were added into the kingdom of God... The Bible says that when

幸福靠自己争取。。

2008-09-14T23:58:00.002+08:00

今天，“爱的路上，你和我”，一开头，秀贞姐就说这一句了。。我非常同意！！幸福靠自己争取！整个节目里，虽然我在听他们2位的对话，可是我脑里一直重复以上那 7 个字。。我不懂怎样解释我那时候的感受，可是我只知道，我真的很喜欢那 7 个字，哈哈。。

后来，我也写了sms，想发送。。可是一个sms 5 毛钱。。5 毛钱对我来说，可以 send 50 个 sms 了。。所以，还是听话的，不 send 了。。就让它只不过是一个对自己的提醒吧：

“节目刚刚开始，秀贞说了一句‘幸福靠自己争取。’

我很认同！爱情是两个人的事情，最感动就是，男女

都一起面对快乐悲伤。当那一个人在面对困难时，相

信也最渴望的就是在他身边有个人来陪伴着他一起克

服每一个难关！要记住哦，幸福靠自己争取的。美门

的 DJ 们，多多加油吧！” ～ elaine

童话

忘了有多久，再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久，我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么

你哭着对我说，童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
 也许你不会懂，从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了

** 我愿变成童话里，你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信，相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

你哭着对我说，童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂，从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了

** 我愿变成童话里，你爱的那个天使
 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信，相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

 我要变成童话里，你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信，相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

我会变成童话里，你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信，相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

一起写我们的结局。。

月亮代表我的心

你问我爱你有多深，我爱你有几分
我的情也真，我的爱也真
月亮代表我的心

你问我爱你有多深，我爱你有几分
我的情不移，我的爱不变
 月亮代表我的心

轻轻的一个吻，已经打动我的心
深深的一段情，教我思念到如今

你问我爱你有多深，我爱你有几分
你去想一想，你去看一看
月亮代表我的心

Don't Let It Die...

2008-09-07T22:46:00.001+08:00

I had some free time last Friday as my students had to entertain some uni students doing their assignments, and therefore needed to “borrow” my kids for a while. So I went down to the office and happen to see Chung Han. I caught hold of him and we had a short chat. All I did was just ask him one question… wahaha xP

By him pouring his heart as I listened, he really taught me lots… He really taught me to treasure things of eternal value than to trade it for earthly things… i have to admit that the first half of this year was really a shitty period, and I wished it hadn’t pull me down spiritually… But too bad, it sure did!!

Don’t let it die?? Yea, all I want is to be up again… I wanna be like Chung Han… Wahaha… Dude, thanks for being a friend, I know we don’t chat much but at least I feel comfortable talking, joking and opening up to you… Opening up here means not being afraid to be myself, and that includes the times when I am “behind the van” during lunch time, hehe…

YANG TERUTAMA

Yang terutama di dalam hidup ini
Memuliakan nama Yesus
Yang terutama di dalam hidup ini
Meninggikan nama-Nya

Halleluya, halleluya
Saya mau cinta Yesus
Halleluya, halleluya
Saya mau cinta Yesus

We had J-Son over for a short while for cell that night, and I thought that short while was it. Not knowing that he will call me after that, I was quite nervous when I saw his missed call, haha… I called him back, finding the opportunity to tell him about “something important.” Mission accomplished, of course, haha… Thanks for the support, bro I am hoping this time all is well with the Big Boss Above…

Yes, I was in the valleys for about 4 to 5 months, and trust me, it wasn’t fun at all down there… By God’s grace, I picked myself up… No no, my Jesus picked me up!! He was gracious enough to still be willing to pick me up despite my drawing away from Him… Haiya, anyway, that is history now la… Think back also sakit hati nia, wahaha… Just hope and pray that this time around, history will not repeat itself… Otherwise, not only shouldn’t history repeat itself, even the process should not be repeated, haha…

KAU TUHAN ADALAH BAPAKU

Kumiliki kasih Mu
Yang tak ternilai bagi ku
Meskipun ku tak punya siapapun juga
Sungguh indah kasih Mu Yang tak bersyarat untuk ku
Walaupun tak ada yang mengasihi ku

** Kau Tuhan adalah Bapa ku
Yang sangat menyayangi ku
Tak pernah sekalipun ku dapati
Kau sakiti hatiku
Kau Tuhan adalah Bapa ku
S’lalu memperhatikan ku
Tak ada alasan ‘tuk ku ragu-ragu
Ku serahkan hati ku
Kepada Mu

15条件的男人。。

2008-07-30T18:00:00.000+08:00

1. 一个男人最重要的是坚强。 那些失败过一次就怨天尤人，萎靡不振、跌倒了爬不起来的男人坚决不能要。男人要能给女人安全感，如果你找一个老公，不能够照顾你，还要经常在你面前哭诉自己的不幸，让你也承担他实际上是可以挽救的痛苦，是非常的失败的。

2. 忠诚。这点就不用多说了，相信所有的女人都不愿意自己的老公红杏出墙。

3. 有气度。一定不能找小家子气的男人，即使他爱你。但是因为一点点小事就吃醋，不论你是因公与上司出去应酬，还是因私与多年不久的朋友聚会，在你回家后大吵大闹或者阴沉着脸半天不搭理你的男人，其实是自私的。当然，他会说他那是因为爱你才吃醋，可是不要忘了，爱一个人也要给她自由，姐妹们千万不要做被男人用各种方法把你变相的留在家里做只能洗衣做饭的家庭主妇。不是说家庭主妇不好，而是做为现在这个社会的女性，要有自己的社交圈子，要爱猫扑.爱生活、自强，不能给自己自由空间的男人千万不要找。

4. 身体健康。不要求那个男的有多么的威猛高大，但一定要身体健健康康的。一个女人身体有点毛病，可以称之为弱不禁风，如果一个男人整天病怏怏的，你说像啥话?

5. 不要xxxxxx乖宝宝。没人说孝顺不对，孝顺的男人很善良，但是，夫妻之间的事都征求xxxxxx看法，毫无自己主见，嘴巴里动不动就说："妈妈说。。。。。。。妈妈说。。。。。。"这样的妈妈面前的乖宝宝坚决不能要，记住，你嫁的是一个男人，并不是那个男人的母亲。

6. 爱屋及乌。一个男人如果真的爱你，会爱你的一切，包括你的坏习惯，你的朋友，你的家人。。。。。如果他不能忍受你的朋友或家人某些方面的缺陷或对你身边的人有所不满，那么做为一个聪明的女性，应当尽量避免他与他们见面；如果他苛求到要求你与他们断绝来往，不用犹豫了，甩了他吧！

7. 有一份稳定的收入。爱情是很重要的，但是要建立在有面包的基础上。不一定要万贯家财，可生活要有保障。所谓贫贱夫妻百事哀，如果一个男人连孩子的奶粉钱都拿不出来，这个月初就开始担心下个月的供房款，那么，你跟着他只有吃苦的份了。

8. 自信。浑身散发着自信味道的男人，能让女人放心的依靠。

9. 外貌匹配。不要求他一定英俊潇洒，但要看上去不至于引起公愤，总不能你亭亭玉立一大美女，身边找一矮个的黑胖子吧。

10. 细心又有情趣。他可以不记得你大伯小叔三姑四姨的生日，但你的生日与结婚纪念日一定要记住，这两个日子在婚姻生活中是很重要的。能够出去浪漫一下，还有礼物收是最好的。　

11. 无不良嗜好。烟可以抽一点，酒可以喝一点，但不能太过。你总不想天天回去面对一个醉醺醺的酒鬼，嘴里还不时散发着一股浓浓的烟臭味的人吧?

12. 社交能力强。不是说一定要活跃得见人就笑，见手就握得那种地步，也不需要他在社交方面有一定强硬的手腕，但不能羞羞答答。一起出去应酬，他只知道站在一旁傻笑，而找不到话题与你的同事交谈，凡事需要你出来撑场面的男人，会让你脸面无光。

13. 大男人气概。这里说的大男人气概，不是说大男子主义，那种在家里典型家务一点不做、衣来伸手饭来张口的男人不可取。大男人气概是指你在外面受到欺负时，他能够挺身而出，毫不犹豫的为你出头，真真切切的保护你。光是这一点，这个男人都值得你考虑托付终身。

14. 有责任心。男人一定要有责任心，自己做的事要敢于自己承担，无论是公事还是私事。那种一有事就往别人身上推的男人不但卑鄙而且可耻。

15. 有一颗平和的心。这个世界已经习惯以一个人事业上的成功来衡量一个人的价值。事实上，一个人的价值在于他的存在对别人是否重要。即使那个人不能在事业上取得与其他人一样辉煌的成就，但是他的平凡生活对他身边的人一样很重要就代表有价值。如果一个男人不能以一颗平和的心去看待自己的得失，整天愤世嫉俗，怪社会不公、怨生活不平，那么你和他在一起也会影响你的心态，容易偏激，给你的心理造成巨大的压力，导致你不快乐的生活。

能够做到以上15条的男人，你就可以考虑嫁给他了！！！

Is Cerebral Palsy (CP) genetic? 脑性麻痹症是否会遗传？

2008-06-24T21:43:00.002+08:00

It never did cross my mind that this may be a subject playing in the mind of a potential, if we ever got together, and plan to start a life together. I was recently confronted with whether CP is genetic, and will eventually affect our future children, if I were ever to start a family, haha. I guess people think that this may be a very sensitive issue, and perhaps did not wanna hurt me by posing such questions.

I don’t think it is an issue to be worried about because I was not born with it. It only happened after a fever attack. To give you the benefit of the doubt, particularly on the genetic question, see this. Does it clear your doubts now? ;)

Also, view the history of CP, the causes of CP, and the various types of CP for further knowledge. So,朋友们。。终于清楚CP的情况了吗？终于明白CP是不会遗传的吗？哈哈哈。。当我听到一位朋友说CP遗传，这真的笑死我了。。哈哈哈。。

AS BREAD THAT IS (REALLY) BROKEN...

2008-06-21T01:29:00.000+08:00

Haven’t been a faithful believer like people see me to be. Revival? What’s the use of being gungho for church revival when all I really desperately need is personal revival first? When this song was being sung in church about 2 weeks ago, I couldn’t help it but dig for tissue again. How broken can I get? How hurt can I get? Though it was not, is not, and will not be a “burden”, yet it has indeed been a “burden” that I have no choice but to finally put down.

Why am I so broken? Why the sudden deterioration of communication? Why the unwillingness of trying to accept unchangeable facts? I know I am awaiting the day that I will explode, haha. I am human, for goodness sake!! When, O Lord, will all these hurts end? When, O Lord, will justice be shown? Why, O Lord, do I need to go through all these shit?

As Bread That Is Broken

O Lord, this wounded sheep of Yours
I need your healing touch

握你的手。。。

2008-06-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

山顶的风凉的想钻进我内心
Shan ding de feng liang de xiang zuan jin wo nei xin
沉默是我们最近唯一的话题
Chen mo shi wo men zui jin wei yi de hua ti
看曾经亲密的爱慢慢像友谊
Kan ceng jing qin mi de ai man man xiang you yi
爱是流星一坠落就不停
Ai shi liu xing yi zhui luo jiu bu ting

我们尝试让彼此差异能隐形
Wo men chang shi rang bi ci cha yi neng yin xing
遗憾的是回避不能解决问题
Yi han de shi hui bi bu neng jie jue wen ti
当我疲倦的凝望你憔悴表情
Dang wo pi juan de ning wang ni qiao cui biao qing
再不舍得也该让你远离
Zai bu she de ye gai rang ni yuan li

握你的手坚持到最后一秒钟
Wo ni de shou jian chi dao zui hou yi miao zhong
哪怕爱要冰凉了
Na pa ai yao bing liang le
至少让回忆是暖的
Zhi shao rang hui yi shi nuan de
了解比爱难多了
Liao jie bi ai nan duo le
我们都尽力了
Wo men dou jin li le
也许温柔是停止(再)挽留
Ye xu wen rou shi ting zhi (zai) wan liu

握你的手像耳语轻声说保重
Wo ni de shou xiang er yu qing sheng shuo bao zhong
让眼睛就算湿了不只是痛也有感动
Rang yan jing jiu suan shi le bu zhi shi tong ye you gan dong
以前每一次挥手都为了再握手
Yi qian mei yi ci hui shou dou wei le zai wo shou
但这一次是为了放手
Dan zhe yi ci shi wei le fang shou

你们开心了吗？别再让他再受伤了，好不好？他也是人耶！！

这首歌，我不懂是好还是坏。。很久以前，我妹妹把光良的album带回来。。那时候，我最爱的歌，就是“童话” 和 “握你的手”。。我这个“香蕉人”，歌词什么意思，我也不懂的。。可是现在我华语进步了不少，哈哈。。那么久了，才真正的懂意思。。不！！应该说发生在身上才懂歌词的意思。。哈哈。。

我experiment了很久，才看得懂，原来我就像副歌里面所说的。。不能否认，最近我眼睛很容易湿，很容易流泪。。那是痛苦，感动，还是不舍得呢？ 3个都有啦，哈哈。。也许外人不会明白我的困难，因为他们更本不会了解我所面对的压力。。这次带出的刺语，还不是一样的意思吗？还不是一样要我“想清楚”吗？

哪怕爱要冰凉了，至少让回忆是暖的，了解比爱难多了，我们都尽力了。。我为什么会放弃，我为什么会退步？全世界不明白，无所谓。。只要你一个明白，我已经很开心了 :) 爱冰凉了，有原因的。。说出来，你们会明白吗？还是不说了，哈哈。。

以前每一次挥手，都为了再握手。。但这一次，是为了放手。。以前每一次去他家，玩的很开心。。的确是为了再握手。。可是现在，我还有这个机会吗？的确没有。。因为放手了！！开心了吗？满意了吗?

我要回到儿童乐园。。。

2008-06-14T12:55:00.003+08:00

当我在上个星期的ai.fm节目里听到红蜻蜓这首歌，就让我想起童年时候。。怀念我小时候的生活。。那种没烦恼没压力的生活，哈哈。。

和我玩皮却又可爱的学生们已有半年了。。他们不只受教导，反而也多多少少的让我从他们身上学习了很多做人的道理。。小孩子就是小孩子，只懂得玩。。除了考试做功课，其他事情是kacang putih 了 :p

他们不会明白出外的危险，家人的吵闹，工作的压力，甚至爱情的复杂。。我有一次听到一个十岁的小孩，当他父母在吵架时，就很天真可又很像大人的样子去问他两老“你们是不是吃饱没事情做？吵吵闹闹！！这样小小的事情，祷告啦！！”

很烦！！很累！！很显！！我要回到儿童乐园。。因为做个小孩子，真的不必有工作，家庭和爱情的烦恼。。

Falling in love??

2008-05-02T01:28:00.001+08:00

If falling in love means hurting the other person in the process, I’d rather not fall in love ever again. If falling in love merely means breaking hearts, including that of my own, I’d rather not fall in love ever again.

I know no one is perfect, but then again, I can’t deny the fact that I am even more imperfect because of an obvious disability. Perhaps I will never be good enough for a physically perfect partner. I finally know what I want.

If it is right for me to give my heart away, I want to give it to the right person. If my first choice was never the right one to begin with in the eyes of other people, then my other choices following the first one will never be right.

Therefore, I promise not to fall in love again, unless I can be sure I will never break an innocent heart again. It is tough, I know, but it would be better than cracking a hole in that innocent little heart, and striving to mend it again.

Comparisons...

2008-05-01T20:53:00.000+08:00

I don’t deny the fact that I have made comparisons many many times in my life. Comparisons of things and situations in my life with that of others. Others live a life that I am envious of. More often than not, I get feedbacks that are to the contrary. Just a few days back, as I was chatting with a close friend about life as a disabled, I found out that she also had an envious feeling towards me for the things I had that she did not have.

I know he cares a lot for me, but unfortunately, I have hurt him time and again :-( I know the reason why I made such a decision… I know what I want… I do not wish to be hurt, but I have hurt him yet again :-( I couldn’t help it but went emo again after the msn conversation with Ling Lee…琳荔，别笑我没用哦，呵呵。。

Finally, some friends began to get the picture of my living life with family. Not that I am not appreciative or complaining. Just that I want some space to do certain things the way I feel comfortable. Comparisons about living with and without family, comparisons about the treatments from different groups of people, be it family, friends or even outsiders… Haih… I just wish I wouldn’t be so helpless… Gosh, I feel the tears again :-(

Friends just tell me to pray, pray and pray more… and most importantly hang on to God, never give up… I have to bare myself to say that whenever it comes to this particular issue or subject, I feel spiritually dry :-( I don’t see where the improvement is when all they do is “reject” my guy friends whom I am close to… not for any other reason except the obvious fact that they are OKUs. What the crap? Why the bloody discrimination? What comparisons can you make between a disabled and a non disabled? How much better can you guarantee that a non disabled be compared to a disabled?

What is all this shit? 琳荔，你说我好幸福，你羡慕我。。以后不要再羡慕我了哦，因为我所面对的完全和你相反，呵呵。。

怎么会这样？？

2008-04-21T02:10:00.001+08:00

一直的对自己说要坚强，　要坚强。。　可是我再次失败了。。　昨晚上了床过后，　眼泪一直流的不停。。　他告诉我说昨天（也就是拜6）他和琳荔他们要聚会，　问我要不要一起。。　我很辛苦！！　好累！！　我到底几时才能有自己自由的生活呢？　尤其是交朋友方面。。　怎么会这样？　连交朋友也要紧紧的控制我？　我很想答应他，　可是却很怕家人会再反对。。为什么？

我好辛苦！！　表面上，　我给人家看到坚强的我，　使得他们信任我而把心事说给我听，　让我可以和他们分担问题。。　可是我自己所面对的问题，　又有谁能和我分担呢？　最近，　我时常都会胡思乱想，　时常都会湿眼。。　有谁会了解我？　找来找去，　也不是那几位残障朋友。。真的谢谢你们。。我相信没有其他人能够清楚的了解残障人士的感受，除非他们自己也体会过身体有残缺的这种的感受。。

不知自己为何最近那么敏感。。　动不动就小气。。　动不动就很想哭。。怎么会这样？　还记得那天琳荔说，　她看得出我的 “persistence”。。她说我很坚强的坚持到底。。说到她，我真的很佩服她。。虽然我们认识不久，相处不多，可是只要我和她一起的时候，她可以让我觉得很轻松，完全没有压力。。不必假装，不必逃避自己。。

另外，我20年的愿望已经实现了。。虽然不是亲哥哥，可是只要你能明白了解我，我有心事时，你做我的听众，有眼泪时借我肩膀。。我就会很感激你了。。哥，谢谢你！！至于“怎么会这样”这个问题呢。。只有上帝才能给我真确的答案。。希望“怎么会这样”会跟着时间而飘过。。迎接一个美好的答案来。。

Taking second alternatives??

2008-04-07T21:13:00.008+08:00

[cofee & choc? weee~~~
pic taken during a Malaysia Methodist Church seminar while we were at Beautiful Gate staff retreat. having listen to a speech wholly in mandarin, I got restless and started meddling with the cam during the 2nd half of the 1st day, haha... that was reason enough why we insisted on the table at the back, considering some of em fell asleep during the seminar, wahaha xP 福平和据顺。。贿赂我吧。。哈哈哈]

I’m sorry!! This was not what I imagined it turned out to be… I thought I wouldn’t mind all that. Indeed, I did not mind, and would not mind. But influences from the “outside world” really break my heart, and I find myself saying sorry yet again :-(

Fervent promises were made back then. Adamant to keep ’em. Strong headed to stand firm. But now I find no choice but to put on a mask to the promises once made. Am I allowed to take an alternative route? I know I have “sinned”, but it is never done on purpose. I thought I would not succumb, but I sinfully failed. I just wished I need not have to say that “my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.”

It’s just a wonder how I can be so transparent to bare my heart to Wei in just a 3-minute conversation on msn. Within just those 3 minutes, I found myself grasping for the tissue box, and silently longing for a hug and an available shoulder. I played with fire, got burnt.

Second alternatives? Indeed there is one alternative waiting for me to venture into, but am I willing? I know it would hurt you because I know how you feel but I definitely cannot bear to impose more discrimination and add prejudice to the already existing ones. Think, look, see and scrutinize.

勇气。。我需要的是勇气。。真的好感激那一群残障朋友的支持。。虽然只是那么短短的在ym写下“我给你勇气”来回复我，可是这些动作对我来说就是最重要的。。因为就代表还有人能够体谅明白我的。。谢谢你们 :-* 谢谢你们这一年里那么热心的接受我成为你们的一分子 :)

WHAT IS FAITH??

2008-04-01T00:18:00.002+08:00

I may very well have Hebrews 11:1 at the tip of my fingers, but do I really grasp the meaning & significance of it? People say I am stupid, stubborn (固执) and whatever else they hurled at me, but who are they to question my faith? I had a reason for doing what I did.

I arrived church that Saturday evening, on my electric wheelchair, a friend accompanied me on his bike :p it was super gloomy early on that day, threatening to pour... My students knew of my intentiion to go to church that day, so they were feeding me with negative remarks about the gloomy weather... All the more I started praying and nullifying the dark clouds. I left Beautiful Gate, after my class, with prayers that the rain will be held back until I stepped into church grounds. Miraculously, God did just that for me ;)
p/s: What is more funny is that it rained cats and dogs only after I entered church grounds, and continued raining throughout the service... and stopped when it was time to get home ;)

Why did the Bible explain Hebrews 11:1 the way it did? What does it really mean by “… a substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen” What then, is faith? I trusted Him, and He answered my prayers, woohoo... Indeed, He is a Beautiful Saviour, a God of all majesty!! My God of majesty just held back the rain for me to be able to be in His house... Is it coincidentally that this song was being sung that day? I dont think so ;)

Beautiful Saviour lyrics & chords here

I really like and admire Pastor Daniel for his mountain-moving faith, seriously!! Imagine a thanksgiving dinner in an uncovered, wide-open space when you know that the weather can unpredictably bring rain. Pastor, you the man... Wahaha xP and I know you were irritated and upset that we of little faith left the dinner halfway thru when it started only drizzling :p kekeke..

The rainbow above Dream Centre, God's covenant to us ~~ 23 March, Sunday (easter)

Out of the teabag...

2008-03-11T23:54:00.004+08:00

残缺也是一种美 by 黎胜平
Can que ye shi yi zhong mei (Disability is also a form of beauty)

记得家乡门口的那个女孩
Ji de jia xiang men kou de na ge nv hai　
一对膀子长短都不一样
Yi dui bang zi chang duan dou bu yi yang
走起路来终是一瘸一拐
Zou qi lu lai zhong shi yi que yi guai 　
说起话来结巴没人爱
Shuo qi hua lai jie ba mei ren ai

街坊的小孩终是嘲讽陷害
Jie fang de xiao hai zhong shi chao feng xian hai　
女孩无话只能靜靜无奈
Nv hai wu hua zhi neng jing jing wu nai

** 外婆告诉我不可以笑她
Wai po gao su wo bu ke yi xiao ta
因为残缺也是一种美
Yin wei can que ye shi yi zhong mei
我看清晨女孩挽著衣篮摇摆
Wo kan qing chen nv hai huan zhe yi lan yao bai
从家门口渐渐走来
Cong jia men kou jian jian zou lai
那忍辱负重的步伐轻轻迈开
Na ren ru fu zhong de bu fa qing qing mai kai
坚毅善良的面庞　多么净白
Jian yi shan liang de mian pang duo me jing bai
我终于明白
Wo zhong yu ming bai

记得家乡门口的那个女孩
Ji de jia xiang men kou de na ge nv hai　
一对膀子长短都不一样
Yi dui bang zi chang duan dou bu yi yang
走起路来终是一瘸一拐
Zou qi lu lai zhong shi yi que yi guai 　
说起话来结巴没人爱
Shuo qi hua lai jie ba mei ren ai

街坊的小孩终是嘲讽陷害
Jie fang de xiao hai zhong shi chao feng xian hai　
女孩无话只能靜靜无奈
Nv hai wu hua zhi neng jing jing wu nai

** 外婆告诉我不可以笑她　因为残缺也是一种美
Wai po gao su wo bu ke yi xiao ta
因为残缺也是一种美
Yin wei can que ye shi yi zhong mei
我看清晨女孩挽著衣篮摇摆
Wo kan qing chen nv hai huan zhe yi lan yao bai
从家门口渐渐走来
Cong jia men kou jian jian zou lai
那忍辱负重的步伐轻轻迈开
Na ren ru fu zhong de bu fa qing qing mai kai
坚毅善良的面庞　多么净白
Jian yi shan liang de mian pang duo me jing bai
我终于明白
Wo zhong yu ming bai

月亮不一定要圆满
Yue liang bu yi ding yao yuan man　
残缺也是一种美丽
Can que ye shi yi zhong mei li
人生不一定要拥有
Ren sheng bu yi ding yao yong you
享有也是一种福气　
Xiang you ye shi yi zhong fu qi
逆来顺受化腐朽为神奇
Ni lai shun shou hua fu xiu wei shen qi
残缺生命也能彩绘出美丽的诗偈
Can que sheng ming ye neng cai hui chu me li de shi ji

我看清晨女挽着衣篮摇摆
Wo kan qing chen nv hai huan zhe yi lan yao bai
从家门口渐渐走来
Cong jia men kou jian jian zou lai
那忍辱负重的步伐轻轻的迈开
Na ren ru fu zhong de bu fa qing qing mai kai
坚毅善良的面庞　多么净白
Jian yi shan liang de mian pang duo me jing bai
我终于明白
Wo zhong yu ming bai

眼睛湿了。。不懂为什么。。其怪，我又不太明白正首歌，如何懂得它说什么呢？也有好几句都不太了解的。。可是，已经自然的被感动。。也许东看一点西看一点，大概的明白了。。加上福平哥的解释，这歌词变得更清楚了。。

最吸引我的一句就是那“月亮不一定要圆满” 与 “残缺生命也能彩绘出美丽的诗偈”

月亮不一定要圆满只因为这是神所赐的。。那，既然月亮的原装是圆可有时却不圆，人一定要完美才算完美吗？　

残缺也是一种美。。 Oh yes, I finally bumped into someone who would really sincerely say this: Disability is also a form of beauty… Finally someone who would appreciate and be proud of me despite my disability… or I would also say because of my disability… It really does make a whole lot of difference, especially when the rest of the world insist of thinking otherwise… Haih…

It’s been a year since the trauma of another surgery, and it is a wonder how so much can change just within such a short time frame. I have changed, and I definitely know it. Because I am learning to accept reality and situations the way they are rather than forcing change to a natural mishaps… I am learning to love and accept myself for who I am, and not denying obvious facts…

I saw Chriselle coming from the opposite direction when on my way out after my hospital follow up … conversation topics change from one to another, and finally dwelled on my most recent “hotspot”… if she could sincerely tell me all that she saw about me, then why are the others giving me such a hard time? Didn’t Hebrews 11:1 tell us what faith is all about? And didn’t 1 Timothy 4:4 tell us that “… everything God created is good?”

Well, I am thankful for the company that chooses to see the best in me… I am thankful for the company that SEES the best in me… I am thankful for that same company that UNDERSTANDS and BELIEVES in me… I love you all, really!! 我们相信残障也是一种美，因为只有我们才会体会到残障的生活方式。。

I don’t care if this doesn’t make any sense at all, as long as I release what I wanna release!! That’s one issue there, the other being that of the stupid fibroid, I mean the remainings inside my tummy… Grown from a 2 or 3cm to a 5 now, shit!! 放过我吧！！一次过那么多东西要烦。。伤害自己又烦，伤害别人又烦。。啊。。。。。。。。。。。有时很难做人，好多压力！！

And why is this post titled the way it is? Because a teabag has to be put in hot boiling water for the fragrance to come forth... Can I the say that I am the teabag in a pot of boiling trials and testings? Can I then understand the significance of 1 Corinthians 10:13?

p/s: ooh, btw... I went for the hospital appointment ALONE!!! Hahaha... But I guess some people just will not be able to appreciate that though... So sad... 我要证明给他们看，我开始慢慢的不必依靠人了。。可惜，他们都看不见这一些的。。因为他们的思想就是“她是残障，好多东西做不到，我还不能放手。。” 那和坐 xx 都没什么大分别了。。好难呼吸。。嗨。。

Please!! Put this teabag in a hotter hot water, haha...

The seasons of it all...

2008-02-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

谁说坚强的人不流泪？就是因为知道自己伤害了人家却忍不住，又哭了 :( 10 个月就这样的飞过。。但一点的改变也不曾出现过。。人生，必须成长。。必须坚强的面对生活中的每一个难关。。也许，这就是成长的一部分吧。。可是，这一切都是残障人士逃不过的考验。。有时我真的很讨厌自己。。为什么人家残障我也残障。。人家可以成功的独立，我偏偏还在控制之下 :( 那种感觉，非常很难受。。

“You see me through the seasons… Cover me with Your hand… ”

感觉好像距离越来越大。。有点失望。。以为，以为。。全部都是以为！！我受够了！！美门就是我放轻松的地方，因为可得到支持。。原来，外人也不算外人了。。因为我们互相了解。。反而，令我失望的偏偏就是你 =(( 为什么？我很讨厌“歧视”这两个字！！请你放过我吧！！

“I’m carried in everlastin’ arms, You’ll never let me go…

我相信上帝有眼睛看到这一切。。明知我很辛苦，为什么还让我苦下去？

...Through it all”

Sometimes mindsets can kill!!

2008-01-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

演员A: 我知道你有什么都是为他好。。。但是他现时已在社会做过事。。。有了满足感，有自己的想法。。。你处处逼他，他反抗只会越大。。。你是不是想把他逼得做出反叛行为？

演员B: 我常向神祷告，望他早日成长。。。早日学会自立。。。到他真的可以到那么远打工，我又怕他越走越远，想起来，我自己觉得很矛盾。。。

这样的想法。。如果是从一位非残障而来，那我觉得你更笨还没完全了解我们这一群残障人士。。像我朋友所说的。。 How long can the parents be there to protect the child? What will happen to the child after the parents are no longer around?

拜托你！！除了这一句，我真的无话可说了。。真的拜托你。。给我一点空间，好马？It is only through managing his own needs that the child regains a sense of self-reliance and self-worth. That confidence will in turn empower him to take charge of his own life, be responsible for his own actions and learn to be independent.

如果你想法只有“恐惧，忧虑和疑惑”。。那我可以大胆的告诉你，我绝对学不到东西的。。绝对没机会独立起来。。我可以保证，你绝对不会永远在我身边。。到时，我是否会变成你放不下的负担？We certainly cannot expect the child to suddenly grow up and fend for himself. There are skills that are required for activities of daily living and skills needed for living independently. These have to be learnt over a period of time.

现在，因为他是个残障人士，你担心我的安全。。想想看，如果我没有他，到时你是否也一样会担心完全没有人照顾和陪伴我过生活？

Haih... Sometimes mindsets can kill...

A NOTE FOR LIFE!!

2007-12-19T16:22:00.000+08:00

(Click on image for an enlarged version)

Found this very interesting msn nick :p

Indeed, it is not about finding or waiting for the right and perfect person because we all fall short of the glory of God, and are not perfect (or rather will not be perfect)… but whether or not we are perfect outwardly, it does not matter… or rather it should not matter because if we say that we are followers of Christ, we should learn to adopt His attitude of looking beyond what meets the eye. For the Bible says that man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

Similarly, the key to success is not finding the right job (for the workaholics) or the right person (for those looking for friendship or a companion); it is learning to love the job you have or the person you found. It is learning to ACCEPT, be satisfied and contented with what we already have. Appreciate the inward quality, not the outward beauty, because charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last therefore your beauty should not come from outward adornment…instead it should be of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

确定爱上人的八个方法。。。

2007-12-18T16:54:00.000+08:00

1) 当你正在忙时，却把手记开着，等着他的电话。。你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

2) 如果你喜欢和他两个人单独漫步。。你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

3) 当你和他在一起时，你会假装不注意他，但当他离开你的视线时, 你会急着寻找他, 你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

4) 当他受伤或生病时，你会很关心他，替他着急。。你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

5) 当他和别人要好时，你会感到吃味。。。你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

6) 当他把脸贴近你时，你会感到脸红，心跳加速。。你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

7) 当你看到他那甜美的笑时，你的嘴角会扬起一丝得意的笑。。你已经爱上他了。。。。。。

8) 当你看到这篇文章时，心里想到某个人。。那么你肯定已经爱上他了。。。。。。

Something someone sent to me... Tell me what you think? ;)

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2007-12-11T16:04:00.000+08:00

“It's the most wonderful time of the year.

There'll be much mistletoeing and hearts will be glowing

When loved ones are near;

It's the most wonderful time of the year.”

Give me understanding, I ask...

Puisi Sempena Hari OKU......

2007-12-08T14:13:00.000+08:00

BERIKAN PELUANG ITU...

Kami dilabel
Insan kurang upaya
Lalu
Keupayaan kami
Yang masih tersisa
Bagai dilupakan.

Kurang bukan bererti tiada
Sempurna belum menjanjikan kesempurnaan
Sudah memang adat
Yang sempurna membantu yang kurang
Kerana yang kurang pun
Harus terus meniti hidup
Ingin turut merasa
Nikmat kesenangan
Nikmat kesejahteraan
Nikmat kejayaan.

Kekurangan itu hanya zahir
Yang lain sempurna
Akal waras cekal
Semangat keras kental
Minda luas terbuka
Hati puas menanti
Siap siaga
Memberikan yang terbaik
Positif
Inovatif
Pro-aktif.

Kekurangan bukan pagar besi
Yang menghalang diri
Menjadi maju berdikari.

Lihatlah pada
Kelebihan
Kemahiran
Intelek
Nilai-nilai murni
Yang membentuk sahsiah peribadi insan
Yang punya rasa dan hati.

Lontarkan jauh-jauh
Prasangka
Ragu
Sangsi
Yang bagaikan
Api dalam sekam
Membakar dalam diam
Hingga realiti
Rentung hangus
Tidak bernilai lagi.

Berikan peluang itu
Yakinlah pada kemampuan kami
Akan kami buktikan
Sepenuh daya dan iltizam
Menyempurnakan tugas dan tanggungjawab
Menyumbang cara kami
Ke arah merealisasikan
Wawasan para pemimpin
Agar tanah air tercinta
Menjadi cemerlang, gemilang, terbilang
Dan maju menjelang 2020.

Semoga kami
Bukan lagi
Insan kurang upaya
Yang tercicir dan terpinggir
Dari arus pembangunan pesat
Di alaf ICT serba canggih.

Kuala Lumpur
21 Mei, 2005

Selamat Hari OKU (4 Dec)

Zahari Hashim

Benarkah semua ini? Apakah golongan OKU pernah diberi peluang yang setara dengan orang-orang bukan OKU? Apakah stigma “OKU” ini akan menjadi label kami untuk selama-lamanya? Apakah kesalahan atau dosa kami sehingga “dijatuhkan” hukuman (stigma) sebegini?

人生就是这样。。时常自以为聪明。。说话从不经大脑!! 这颗心。。再次被刺语割伤!! 缺少。。不代表完全没有。。

残障的我们。。也是人。。也一样有感受。。 残障不是残废。。残障不代表没有用。。我们要的是机会！！

你是否能明白这一切？我们的需要，我们的要求。。甚至我们的感受！！你要的是我们的表现。。你要的是我们的“成绩”。。想想看。。 没有机会怎么会有成就？

Latest addiction xP

2007-11-21T21:33:00.000+08:00

Help!! Help my addiction, haha… Where did I get this from? How did I get addicted? Arrgghh!! I have a short memory and really cant remember how I got to know of this song, but it somehow became “a special item.”. Here's the video. Also the song+lyrics version.

1) 春暖的花开带走冬天的感伤
Chun nuan de hua kai dai zou dong tian de gan shang

微风吹来浪漫的气息
Wei feng chui lai lang man de qi xi

每一首情歌忽然充满意义
Mei yi shou qing ge hu ran chong man yi yi

我就在此刻突然见到你
Wo jiu zai ci ke tu ran jian dao ni

春暖的花香带走冬天的饥寒
Chun nuan de hua xiang dai zou dong tian de ji han

微风吹来意外的爱情
Wei feng chui lai yi wai de ai qing

鸟儿的高歌拉近我们距离
Niao er de gao ge la jin wo men ju li

我就在此刻突然爱上你
Wo jiu zai ci ke tu ran ai shang ni

听我说
Ting wo shuo

手牵手跟我一起走
Shou qian shou Gen wo yi qi zou

创造幸福的生活
Chuang zhao xing fu de sheng huo

昨天你来不及
Zuo tian ni lai bu ji

明天就会可惜
Ming tian jiu hui ke xi

今天嫁给我好吗
Jin tian jia gei wo hao ma

JOLIN IN THE HOUSE

DT(David Tao) IN THE HOUSE

OUR LOVE IN THE HOUSE

2) 夏日的热情打动春天的懒散
Xia ri de ri qing da dong chun tian de lan shan

阳光照耀美满的家庭
Yang guang zhao yang mei man de jia ting

每一首情歌都会勾起回忆
Mei yi shou qing ge dou hui gou qi hui yi

想当年我是怎么认识你
Xiang dang nian wo shi zen me ren shi ni

冬天的忧伤结束秋天的孤单
Dong tian de you shang jie shu qiu tian de gu dan

微风吹来苦辣的思念
Wei feng chui lai ku la de si nian

鸟儿的高歌唱着不要别离
Niao er de gao ge chang zhe bu yao bie li

此刻我多么想要拥抱你
Ci ke wo duo me xiang yao yong bao ni

听我说
Ting wo shuo

手牵手跟我一起走
Shou qian shou gen wo yi qi zou

过着安定的生活
Guo zhe an ding de sheng huo

昨天你来不及
Zuo tian ni lai bu ji

明天就会可惜
Ming tian jiu hui ke xi

今天你要嫁给我
Jin tian ni yao jia gei wo

听我说
Ting wo shuo
手牵手我们一起

Shou qian shou wo men yi qi zou
把你一生交给我

Ba ni yi sheng jiao gei wo
昨天不要回头

Zuo tian bu yao hui tou
明天要到白首

Ming tian yao dao bai shou
今天你要嫁给我
Jin tian ni yao jia gei wo

Rap: 听着礼堂的钟声
Ting zhe li tang de zhong sheng

我们在上帝和亲友面前见证
Wo men zai shang di he qin you mian qian jian zheng

这对男女生就要结为夫妻
Zhe dui nan nv sheng jiu yao jie wei fu qi

要忘了这一切是多么的神圣
Bu yao wang le zhe yi qie shi duo mo the shen sheng

你愿意生死苦乐永远和她在一起
Ni yuan yi sheng si ku le yong yuan he ta zai yi qi

爱惜她尊重她
Ai xi ta zun zhong ta

安慰她保护着她
An wei ta bao hu zhe ta

两人同时建立起美满的家庭
Liang ren tong shi jian li qi mei man the jia ting

你愿意这样做吗
Ni yuan yi zhe yang zuo ma

Yes I do!

听我说
Ting wo shuo

手牵手一路到尽头
Shou qian shou yi lu dao jin tou

把你一生交给我
Ba ni yi sheng jiao gei wo

昨天已是过去
Zuo tian yi shi guo qu

明天更多回忆
Ming tian geng duo hui yi

今天你要嫁给我
Jin tian ni yao jia gei wo

I feel so old...

2007-11-18T23:33:00.000+08:00

“Selamat pagi, kak. Akak nak gi mana? Mari saya tahankan pintu lif.”, was the help offered by a young boy who was the cleaner at my ofis. Hmm… looks like I have to come to terms with the fact that it’s no longer I who calls people aunty, uncle, kak or abang, haha. It is the other way around now. Haih. I feel so old xP but of course, in the office itself, I still am the 2nd youngest, and get to call other older women “kak.” Kekeke

But I guess advancing in age isn’t at all a bad thing. As we grow older, we get to face different stages of life, encounter different experiences, meeting different people from all walks of life. This year’s birthday was a simple yet very meaningful one to me as it was somewhat different from the previous years ;) I got to spend this year with a “special addition”, hehe　(I requested that he join us for dinner ;p). But of course, other than spending time with loved ones and friends, it is about His love, mercy & grace that He has shown unconditionally.

It is about living life for His glory. It is about decisions in life that I make based on His guidance and love. It is fast approaching 2 yrs that I make a spiritual transition, and with God’s help, I want to maintain that =D friends come and go along the way. All I am glad is that some were there for a SEASON, others for a REASON, and the rest for a LIFETIME. Thanx especially to my family: my parents for their many years of love and care, and my siblings for all the support, encouragements and not forgetting the help that you all have endlessly given.

Thanx also to my cg members, especially my beloved CG leader Connor, who have always been there for me, whether to cheer me up or to lend a helping hand. It will never go unnoticed. Thanx for loving and accepting me for who I am =) also to 2 of them who have left the cell to be with their other half in spiritual support, and they are none other than Nichole Lim and Evie. Keep on being a contagious Christian no matter where you are, ok?

Last but not least, to the whole group at Mines ICT: 认识你们是我最大的福分。。谢谢你们那么热心的接受我成为你们的一分子。。要特别谢谢那位曾经借电动轮椅给我的冠廷。。还有借房间给我的琳荔。。如果没有房间，我就不可能去那边玩了。。如果没有轮椅我就是失去了自由，哈哈。。

Of course, this is specially dedicated to the latest addition :”> Thanx, dear… 谢谢你不断的鼓励和支持我。。谢谢你让我看见生活上的美满。。It’s just the beginning of a new year :p

Great singers, great talent...

2007-11-03T19:33:00.000+08:00

I don’t think it’s coincidence that I bumped into 2 of our very own talented people from DUMC. I stumbled upon a video with the song All To Jesus I Surrender by our dear Patrick Leong (with Jacklyn Victor). Unintentionally, Juwita Suwito’s Breathe Again You Tube came on when I was browsing for a cartoon animation. She’s got great voice, really ;) the tune was so soothing I cant help but googled for the lyrics immediately, haha.

Besides I won't say much. All I can say is I, personally, am very proud to have such talented people in my church. God bless them, haha. Well, enjoy. At least I enjoyed hearing them sing ;)

BREATHE AGAIN by Juwita Suwito

Have you ever wondered how it feels when it’s all over
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew
Never knowing where you’re going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say

** I just want to breathe again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little, try a little more
I’ll breath again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on
With a bit of luck, it’s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don’t want to live on life’s replay

## Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

Significant!! So significant!! And at the right time some more, haha :D

Forgive & Forget??

2007-11-02T15:32:00.000+08:00

As easy as it may sound, can you do both? You can forgive, but can you really forget?

In the first place, why forgive? Because something not right happened. Why forget? Because we don’t want that very thing to weigh us down. Because we should be looking ahead, not backwards and dwell in the past. Because the Bible tells us so. Because God tells us so.

But the question is, can we forgive? Yes, we can forgive. Now, honestly. Can we forget? Ahah!! Some may find it hard to answer this second part of the question. I have to admit, I can forgive, but I find it very hard to forget. Not once, not twice. But many times. These past few days, the message of FORGIVENESS – FORGIVE & FORGET keeps on repeating itself, and I guess it was no coincidence that I stumbled upon a few histories. The hurts have healed, but the scars remain forever. I may have forgiven, but I can’t bring myself to delete all that has happened. I may have forgiven, but no matter how hard I try to forget, the scars has already been imprinted so how else can it be removed without creating further damage?

As I look through my archives and chats history, past unpleasant incidences flooded my memory bank. How I was hurt by friends I thought was genuine, how I was betrayed by friends I thought I could trust. How I was stabbed in the back by friends who buttered their words till I fall prey to their schemes. I grew up and was given spiritual guidance in a local church. Therefore I knew what the Bible says about forgiveness. But really, forgiving and forgetting is a totally different story altogether. Likewise for a wound and a scar. In life, something that has been done cannot be undone. Life is not like a computer where you can edit an error, and replace that which was wrong. Neither is life like a computer where you can hit the delete button, and poof!, it is deleted. Only by his grace, heh.

Forgive, & forget? Friends... friends...

I BELONG TO YOU by Rueben Morgan

Open arms
Welcome me close to Your heart
And there I long to stay
Mercy falls
Cleansing my life in Your blood
Whiter than the snow

** I belong to You
Jesus my first love
You’re everything I’m living for
You’re the joy I know
Treasure I hold dear
I burn for You
My eternal love

Take my life
Join me forever with You
Make our hearts as one
Perfect love
Driving away all my fears
Freedom I’ve found

## Jesus, my eternal love
Jesus, my eternal love
Jesus, my eternal love

你是否能明白？

2007-11-01T04:44:00.000+08:00

一位坐在轮椅上的残障人士和一位能跑能跳的非残障有什么共同点呢？也许我应该问 “这两群人是否能了解对方？”

那位能跑能跳的非残障是否能完全明白那位坐在轮椅上的残障朋友吗？他的需要，他的感受，甚至他的自尊心。。

虽然他们是靠着那辆轮椅来过生活，这不代表他们是废物。。 轮椅有轮椅的精彩啊！！ 如果你的想法只有 “恐惧，忧虑和疑惑”而不敢踏出人世，那不是会成为家人的负担吗？难道你要等到被逼的时候才开始学？那时，不会太迟了吗？

人生有生有死。。难道一个小宝贝不会成长吗？难道一个上了年纪的老人家不会去世吗？这只不过是你曾经问过我的一个问题。。是你自己希望看见我独立起来，是你自己曾经提议送我去美门残障中心住一住，学一学他们的独立生活。。是你自己曾经在朋友面前叫我学他们的独立。。那，现在呢？

我最讨厌的就是你曾经很爱把我和惠玲做比较。。我不是讨厌惠玲，反而要谢谢她让我看见世界上是绝对没有 “不可能” 这 3 个字。。但，我想说的是，那时你只会称赞她的优点，公开我的缺点。。那时，她做到的，我还在学习当中。。现在，我也一样做到了。。但你偏偏不在乎我的能力！！送我去爱，关怀之家都是一样的原因吧？我全心学会了这些，除了为我自己好，还为了谁呢？都是为了你们长老以后不必担心我，不必为我烦恼。。但，你们是否能明白这一切？

这最后一段是给我心目中的特别人物：

在我伤心失望的那一刻，我叫你不必 call 我，但我知道你都是为了关心我才来了那一通电话。谢谢你一直以来的鼓励和支持。。我的心事说完了，眼泪哭干了，都一样睡不着。。 haih...

Can dreams come alive?

2007-10-27T22:13:00.000+08:00

“What is your future plan?” I knew this would come sooner or later. I have, in fact, been thinking of the next step. With a few options in hand, I am contemplating on each possibility. Can a dream that’s fire has been put off, a dead dream, come alive again after so long being left in the “to sort later” stack?

I may have dreamed and planned to be this and that, but why has it not been accomplished? Is it barriers & restrictions, or incapability & inferiority? Today, I want to get that passion and fire burning again, not because I have no other resorts, but because I want to have something that I can look back and be proud of.

Thanx dear, for that reminder ;) I know dreams CAN come alive if we push forth. If you can, I can too!!

p/s: ooh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Wei!! This is one of the friendships that I have no regrets of. I may have gone ahead according to the path He has led me, but you are one of the frens that I will keep dearly in my heart. Thanx for everything!! All the best to u too… Cheers…

Do You Believe It?

2007-10-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

I can read your mind, and I know your story
I see what you're going through
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you

Don't surrender, coz you can win
In this thing called love

* When you want it the most, there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go, and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith, love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me, for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find a way

So don't surrender, coz you can win
In this thing called love

* When you want it the most, there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go, and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith, love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

** When life is empty, with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Coz love's gonna conquer it all, all

Yes, I believe in this thing called love ;) I have believed in it and have held on to it for 8 years, and will continue to hold on to it. Yet, if love does not work out the way you want it to, I don't believe in one's decision to end life just because that one person failed you. For goodness' sake, there are many more out there who are worth your love and care, sweat and blood! God did not just create one miserable opposite sex that you have to mourn over the loss of that one miserable soul who dumped you. Haha. (or even stoop so low to beg him/her to come back to you)

Why do people choose to do stupid things (or even things that will cause them to lose their morale) just because things don't go their way? Excuse me!! Grow up!! If you believe in love enough to stay strong while waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right, no matter how long they take to appear, then love will have a chance to find its way to you. Otherwise, what right do you have to blame love (or worse still blame God) that you are not given a chance, and are the only one left? How can love give you a chance, when you don't even give yourself a second chance?

Someone called me tonight. Shared with me the news of the “successful”passing of a friend. Shocked beyond words, for this was not his first attempt. Is anyone to be blamed for his death? He himself? His ex? Or the people around him for not paying close attention to what he was doing to end his life? Only God can tell! If I was in his shoes, what will I do? Let me assure you, that I will not be so st***d to do something like that ;) because I believe in this thing called LOVE!! And this, I dedicate to all my friends and family out there: I LOVE YOU ALL *muaks*

My Rainbow...

2007-10-16T14:13:00.000+08:00

Often times I have mentioned about how much I wanted to see a rainbow, be it physically or in the spiritual realm. I am grateful for the 2 separate occasions that I had an opportunity to see a real rainbow, from which He taught me a few lessons.

The rainbow that I have always wanted to see has appeared in a very special way. I have nothing else to demand of God, but to thank Him for blessing me with such a blessing, haha… I pray that it will get better from the way it already is with each passing day :)

You know who you are ;) Thanx for everything, ya? Jesus loves you & so do I!! *hug hug*

To the Land of Strawberries & Teas...

2007-10-10T12:16:00.000+08:00

After a year and four months, Light House finally had our very own cell retreat to the Land of Strawberries & Teas – Cameron Highlands. With a number of 12 almost-regular members, we headed off to spend the night at Peter’s house in Ipoh before heading off to CH the next morning.

It was really a total difference in terms of the company of friends, and the spirit of togetherness here with Light House. 12 of us went, which was quite a good number :) 3 of whom were quite new members. It was because of this retreat that broke the ice between one another, and it was good!

Sharing session really brought out the truth in us. Shared our hearts just about anything as far as the cell is concerned. I announced my decision too :D

Nothing else much to say... let’s just leave it to the pictures to tell the story (but unfortunately the camera woman still needs to do some adjusments to them... will upload it as soon as she sends us the link, or can even view it at my multiply some time later ;)

Actions Speak Louder Than Words...

2007-10-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

“Don’t worry Elaine. One may not be a Christian now. (S)he may not be ready to follow your faith, but sooner or later, when (s)he sees your heart, and how you selflessly give of yourself, I believe a ‘miracle’ will happen.” These were the very words of Kenji when I shared some “specific incidences” with him over lunch yesterday.

Yes, I know that reflects a slight truth. But that is not all. There are a handful of other factors, and I know for sure that I was, and still is, a little worried where these other factors are concerned. It is not about him, but about them. Will they accept this idea of “actions speak louder than words” or are they stubborn enough to double enforce certain “rules & regulations”?

“actions speak louder than words” ... Thanks for this revelation, Kenji :)

Lessons To Learn From...

2007-09-22T23:56:00.000+08:00

1) NEVER take a relationship (or rather, your other half) for granted. You will never know when it is too late to even appreciate them.

2) A relationship involves 2 persons. Therefore, two-way communication is very, I repeat, VERY important. If only one party speaks all the time, the other party will soon get restless and eventually want out!!

3) Humility, dignity, respect and trust PLUS a give-and-take attitude is a package that comes with a relationship. If one does not learn the art of give-and-take, instead thinks of him or herself all the time, then he or she should do a self check before progressing with the relationship and hurting the other party in the course of time.

4) Honesty is the best policy. No matter how hard the situation may be, speak your heart and tell the truth. First hand truth is better than second hand story. Respect your partner by giving him/her first hand truth rather than for him/her to find it out from an outsider.

5) Guys dislike their girls to be too dependent on them (the guy) for everything, let alone despise themselves (the girl). They prefer a more independent partner who can fend for herself in his absence, and one who takes her life seriously.

Thanks to this couple, both of whom are my friends, I was able to see and learn something new from the failure of their relationship. Of course, I also saw the true color of someone full of insecurity. Having heard both sides of the story, I would rather give the benefit of the doubt to someone whom I have known for almost half a decade rather than someone I only met less than a year. Their story also ended in less than a year.

Hey dude, you deserve someone better ;) “Kar yau!!”

* Note to self:
1) NEVER take a relationship (or rather, your other half) for granted.
2) Two-way communication is very, I repeat, VERY important.

Mixed feelings?

2007-09-10T17:33:00.000+08:00

爱是恒久忍耐又有恩慈
Ai shi heng jiu ren nai you you en ci
爱是不嫉妒
Ai shi bu ji du
爱是不自夸不张狂
Ai shi bu zi kua bu zhang kuang
不做害羞的事
Bu zuo hai xiu de shi
不求自己地益处不轻易发怒
Bu qiu zi ji de yi chu bu jing yi fa nu
不计算人家的恶
Bu ji suan ren jia de e
不喜欢不义只喜欢真理
Bu xi huan bu yi zhi xi huan zhen li

凡事包容凡事相信 凡事盼望
Fan shi bao rong fan shi xiang xin fan shi pan wang
凡事忍耐凡事要忍耐
Fan shi ren nai fan shi yao ren nai
爱是永不止息
Ai shi yong bu zhi xi

Can I be honest with myself? Am I being honest at all in the first place? What was I feeling, what was I thinking when I was told of that news? I was scared… I was more afraid than jealous, really… But the Bible says in 1 John 4:8 that PERFECT LOVE CAST OUT ALL FEARS ;) If I choose to love, I should not fear!!

I choose not to envy (or be jealous)… I choose to believe, I choose to trust!! Most of all, I choose to LOVE!!

爱是不嫉妒… 所以我选择不嫉妒 :)

In My Alabaster Box...

2007-08-24T13:13:00.000+08:00

VERSE 1:

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

CHORUS:

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

VERSE 2:

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

CHORUS:

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

(solo)
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

(another solo)

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

chords

Sometimes I really don’t know if what I did was right. But then again, I would never know if I did not try. Sometimes I am afraid, but other times I am curious to know how the story would end. Sometimes I ask simple questions, other times I debate for logic.

It is a wonder why the perception of humans could be solely based on what they see on the outside. Didn’t the Bible say that God Himself looks at the heart and not the outward appearance? What is the influential factor for this change?

Could I say what this song title say? :)

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder...

2007-08-08T15:03:00.000+08:00

Make a proper definition of this phrase. Tell me it really makes sense. What contributes to this phrase? Hmm…

From A Distance...

2007-08-05T12:50:00.000+08:00

From a distance… Only from a distance … Was there a tinge of regret when I saw what was impossible to happen? what emotions were they when I looked into your eyes? Was I thankful for what I already have rather than yearning, longing and wishing for what I may never have? It was difficult, what about now?

515 days… You did the routine… So near, yet distance apart… But what can I say for the fact that the grass is greener on the other side :) thanx for the memories though… I wish you all the best!! Please do bless me as I bless you from the bottom of my heart!!

Stolen picture...

2007-07-28T23:43:00.000+08:00

My picture was being stolen as somebody else’s display picture? :o

This I Promise You...

2007-07-20T14:24:00.000+08:00

When the visions around you
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you
Are secrets and lies

I'll be your strength
I'll give you hope
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call
Was standing here all along

** And I will take you in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
'Til the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never
Will you hurt anymore

I give you my word
I give you my heart
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow
Forever has now begun

** Just close your eyes
Each lovin' day
And know this feeling won't go away
'Til the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

Over and over I fall
When I hear you call
Without you in my life, baby
I just wouldn't be living at all

And I will take you in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
'Til the day my life is through
This I promise you, baby

** Just close your eyes
Each lovin' day
And know this feeling won't go away
Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Every word I say is true
This I promise you
I promise you

Yes, this I promise!! You know it is true :)

16th… A date to remember…

2007-07-17T13:45:00.000+08:00

There is no need for special occasions to send a special wish to a special person like u. But I really just wanna say thanks for making ME feel so special :) I never regret even one day knowing u. I thank God for bringing u into my life. Thanx for always being there for me, thanx for always cheering me up, and for the way u unfailingly encouraged me.

Thank you!! It is a “number” I will never forget :)

LOVE DOESN'T NEED A REASON...

2007-07-05T15:23:00.000+08:00

Lady: Why do you like me? Why do you love me?

Man: I can’t tell the reason, but I really like you…

Lady: You can’t even tell me the reason… How can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?

Man: I really don’t know the reason, but I can prove that I love you…

Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend’s boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you.

Man: Ok,ok… Erm… Because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful, because of your smile , because of your every movements…

The lady felt very satisfied with the man’s answer. Unfortunately, a few days later, the lady met with an accident and went into the coma stage.

The guy then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content:

Darling,

Because of your sweet voice that I love you. Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your care and concern that I like you. Now that you cannot show them, I cannot love you. Because of your smile, because of your every movement that I love you. Now can you smile? Now can you move? No! Therefore I cannot love you.

If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore.

Does love need a reason? NO!!

Therefore, I still love you. And love doesn’t need a reason.

Relationships are hard to handle, it may even seem impossible at times.

There will be many fights and many quarrels, many disagreements and many tears.The easiest thing would be to give up.But if we spent half the energy we use in fighting with each other, and spend that energy in fighting to keep the relationship strong, then that is love.

Remember, in a relationship, giving up is not the solution Disagreements, fights and quarrels will always be there. But you must always fight harder to stay together. Some fights are really worth fighting! SMILE!!

LEARN TO LOVE WITHOUT TAKING OR EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN… LEARN TO LOVE, AND YOU WILL BE LOVED IN RETURN!!

YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT LOVE IS UNTIL YOU START LOVING…!! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW TO ACCEPT LOVE UNTIL YOU LEARN HOW TO GIVE OUT LOVE!!

LOVE ALL YOU CAN, WITH AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE, FOR AS LONG AS GOD GIVES YOU BREATH.

1 John 4:19 ~~> We love because He first loved us.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8...

2007-05-17T13:48:00.000+08:00

爱是恒久忍耐又有恩慈
Ai shi heng jiu ren nai you you en ci
爱是不嫉妒
Ai shi bu ji du
爱是不自夸不张狂
Ai shi bu zhi kua bu zhang kuang
不做害羞的事
Bu zuo hai xiu de shi
不求自己地益处不轻易发怒
Bu qiu zi ji de yi chu bu jing yi fa nu
不计算人家的恶
Bu ji suan ren jia de e
不喜欢不义只喜欢真理
Bu xi huan bu yi zhi xi huan zhen li

凡事包容凡事相信凡事盼望
Fan shi bao yong fan shi xiang xin fan shi pan wang
凡事忍耐凡事要忍耐
Fan shi ren nai fan shi yao ren nai
爱是永不止息
Ai shi yong bu zhi xi

A song in mandarin to the translation of the Love passage from the Scriptures. We have been practicing it since a couple of weeks ago in preparation for the Charity Dinner, organized by Lovely Disabled Home. Similar to that of Beautiful Gate, Lovely Disabled Home was set up in November 2005 by just an ordinary inmate of BG, who is now a director of a centre of his own.

On an unrelated matter, it really feels great to be back home to my own cozy room, and to be able to go online again rather than sleep as early as 9 p.m. :o haha

PLAYING LIFE’S GAME…

2007-04-22T14:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes decisions in life can affect our feelings; other times our feelings can affect our decisions. At one point, I was determined to fulfill my decisions. But on the other hand, I was hesitant that it could actually become a reality. Heart to heart talk can sometimes stir up mixed feelings. Truly I was at a junction of dilemma again as Evie and Debbie chatted about their ups and downs last night.

What is it that I truly want? What if I said yes, what if I said no? What if I’m ready? What if I’m not? When I was ready, the situation was at a stand still. Yet when I thought that I may not be ready after all, there were indications that things were on the right track. Haih, what an irony. The inter-zone bowling competition is next Friday, am I up for it? Not that I will be playing. The question is am I ready to face my “challenges”. Am I ready to face something (and perhaps someone) knowing that I may be at risk of losing it?

Do I really have the self-sacrificing Melancholy traits that people say they see in me? True. Love is not self-seeking. And because I wanted others to be happy, I gave up my own for their sake? Well, I guess I have given in way too much. Three years ago, I gave in. Now, I find myself giving in again. Perhaps it is time I learnt to think a little more for myself rather than putting others on priority and end up hurting myself in the process. I’m tired. When will this game end?

“Don’t worry and fret over what’s not happening; cherish that which has taken place.”

25 years and counting…

2007-04-21T06:02:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday marks the silver year for my parents!! It may have long past the actual date, but it is better late than never. Better than having them look back and recall their 25th anniversary in the hospital with me, haha. The dinner was held at Kelana Seafood Centre, with my other two ET siblings and I being the organizer. My sister was the overall event manager (cum emcee), my brother the film producer of their life’s story and myself as the receptionist.

The receptionist and her assistant, the rest are just the side models… Hahaha :p

My sis, as the emcee of the nite…

Cell members, relatives, and a handful of close friends from church were there to witness this occasion.

My mom, her eldest brother and wife…

Pictures paint a thousand words. And with too much to say about the whole event, I’ll just let the pictures tell them for me, hehe *winkz*

The “cell group” table…

The in laws, hehehe…

The “bride’s” family…

Uncle Tony and Auntie Connie, the husband-and-wife worship team…

Renewal of vows…

Exchanging of rings…

That special ring from him to her *winkz*

Sweet *winkz*

Our very own BSB band from Grace PJ: The Bible Shop Boys: Tony, Gus and Eddy (L to R) [they came in quietly, made themselves comfortable on stage and started performing - a surprise arrangement by Auntie Connie Chong *winkz*]

Now, let's dance the night away, haha…

Kids really learn what they see the adults do, haha…

Mr & Mrs Simon Teo with Mr & Mrs Mogan :p

Pei Wern, my sis & I…

With Pastor Richard & Pastor Maryanne…

With Ps Steven Young and his sister, Ms. Connie Young… Haha

The Cell Group gang…

The Teng familly…

A good of friend of 11 yrs :)

Presenting the “bride & the groom”, hahaha…

e Guest Book…

I Needed That...

2007-04-12T07:54:00.000+08:00

I thought… I reasoned… I questioned a lot before I made the decision… I just didn’t want to get my hopes too high… I was just afraid, I guess… I thought and I reasoned again… I finally decided… And so there I was last Friday, at U Bowl, One Utama… Although I wasn’t part of the team, just being out in the fun was a breather, something that I so needed :))

Week 1: Kah Mun (from the Praise Givers), Evelyn, Calvin (a fellow church member), Debbie Debbie

Week 2: Debbie Debbie [psst: hey girl, u can do it one ;) ur house so near One U *shh* practice makes perfect rite?]

[Someone suggested that I could try bowling since I dun need to move around, juz be at the lane and shoot. But the ball kinda heavy la :p]

I was questioned about certain things, and why I did what I did. Was I sure about my own actions? Only God knows, haha. All in all, I needed that… For which I really appreciate Evie for offering to come all the way to pick me up. Thanks, dear!! Gambate, Light House!! You guys shall win the championship. Amen? :))

YOU MAKE ME "SCATTERED"!!

2007-04-08T07:33:00.000+08:00

I seem to have been missing out on some things in my life. Ever since having to go in and out of the hospital, I have not been attending Sunday services and serving in Royal Rangers regularly. I have been missing out on so much as far as a couple of close friends are concerned.

I happened to pop by a friend’s blog, only to realize that I made the wrong move. I really did!! After reading her latest entry, it’s like rubbing salt to the wound. Right then, it made me so emo. I was frustrated, I was angry. I was disappointed in many ways. I couldn’t even understand myself. If I can’t work towards it, can I then find my way back out? I just wanted some time for myself. More than that, I wanted to be out and away, alone. Thank God for close friends who never questioned, but just did their best to be there for you. I know it is not fair to demand him for his time, so I was actually just trying my luck on this. I was glad he said yes. I was glad he offered. Thanks dear!!

He never did thought of a specific place to bring me. Just that he was willing to take me on rounds to nowhere (joy ride, he said), so to speak, just so that I could “set my mind straight again”. After a while, he suggested visiting a friend over at Sungai Long. Not being sure of the directions to her place, we missed a turning, and in so doing lost our way, haha. How on earth did we end up in Kajang? :)) So, I had longer time to “bising”, haha.

Making the best out of the blunder, we agreed on satay kajang [it really took my mind off those nonsense for a while there, heh]. Sitting down for some satay, memories of things that happened back when we were younger really made me smile. Silly things we did as a group of young teenagers back then :p on the other hand, opening up about all the bad experiences that we would rather not re-live. Shedding light on some of the things that “stretched” us, I won’t deny the fact that God has been the source of strength in this friendship.

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord’s the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
Coz the welcomes will not end
And I know this will be true
It’s the Lord who showed me faith
And a lifetime’s not too long to live as friends [by Michael W. Smith]

I was a scatterbrain right from Monday itself, and I didn’t get any better until the night I spilled everything. In fact, I can’t deny what is on the surface. I can’t deny that I am actually just running away from reality. You really make me so “scattered”. But at least it got me thinking of what I really wanted. So I decided to “stay away from danger” for the moment. I don’t wanna be a scatterbrain. But really, how long can it last?

IN BIG TROUBLE!!

2007-03-29T10:14:00.000+08:00

I’m in big trouble!! What did I get myself into? I now begin to realize how trapped and entangled I have been. I never thought I would end up in such a big mess when I started this “game.” I thought it looked innocent and safe to go on. Little did I know that I was heading in for trouble. But why? Did I just disappointed myself by putting my hopes too high?

Thinking of it really gives me sleepless nights. Having one foot stuck in this situation, I can’t seem to go forward nor can I turn back to the beginning. I guess the biggest mistake was to play with fire and accidentally setting it of in deadly flames. I try very hard to turn back, but I realize it is taking too much strength physically, mentally and emotionally.

To regret and cry over it, I find no tears falling. To be hopeful and smile at it, I see no light at the end of this tunnel. How long more will I be trapped in my own mistake? It breaks my heart, it just really do!! Lord, help me!! When will this torment ever end? I am just another ordinary human. I can’t take it anymore. Am I to blame for looking for trouble myself?

MALAYSIAN "ELVIS" COMES TO TOWN...

2007-03-29T09:58:00.000+08:00

Yes!! The “Malaysian Elvis Presley” is coming to town. He sings great songs with his great voice to serve a great God. I have heard him sing, heard him minister, and he’s none other than H. T. Long. Some call him Elvis Long, haha.

Like the brochure says, he’ll be here to perform at DUMC’s Easter event. Usually their annual production play is held twice yearly, one for Easter and the other Christmas. But this time around it looks a little different. I would say it’s gonna be fun, haha.

IT ALL BEGINS WITH "ME"...

2007-03-22T14:18:00.000+08:00

When will we learn to take on the humility of Jesus and begin to live right in His sight? Many a times, it is easier to play teacher or even counselor and begin prying into the lives of others rather than examining ourselves first. When will we stop to listen rather than just talk and talk? Remember the GOLDEN RULE? And Jesus gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth; to listen more and talk less… Hahaha :))

Humans are not perfect. Not me, not you. So why compare, why judge? If we say, we love God, shouldn’t we love our neighbours as well? And just what IS love?

* Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

* It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

* Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

* It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

* Love never fails…

Are we, then, practising what we preach? Really, it all begins with “me”!! Search ourselves b4 we dig into others *winkz*

10 THINGS GOD WON'T ASK...

2007-03-22T05:20:00.000+08:00

1) God won’t ask what kind of car you drove;
He’ll ask how many people you drove who didn’t have transportation.

2) God won’t ask the square footage of your house;
He’ll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

3) God won’t ask about the clothes you had in your closet;
He’ll ask how many people you helped to clothe.

4) God won’t ask what your highest salary was;
He’ll ask if you compromise your character to obtain it.

5) God won’t ask what your job title was;
He’ll ask if you performed your job to your best ability.

6) God won’t ask how many friends you had;
He’ll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

7) God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived;
He’ll ask how you treated your neighbors.

8) God won’t ask about the color of your skin;
He’ll ask about the content of your character.

9) God won’t ask why it took you so long to seek salvation;
He’ll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of hell.

10) God won’t ask how many people you forwarded this to;
He’ll ask if you were ashamed to pass it on to your friends.

* Happy moments, praise God.
* Difficult moments, seek God.
* Quiet moments, worship God.
* Painful moments, trust God.
* Every moment, thank God.

Are we living God’s standards?

How Is It?

2007-03-18T07:10:00.000+08:00

One, two, three, four, five
Once I caught a fish alive
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
Then I let it go again.

Why did you let it go?
Coz it bit my finger so
Which finger did it bite
The little finger on my right.

Things that I have let go, things that I still hold on to. How is it that she saw some improvement in this when I don’t see any progress myself? I caught them all, but I had to let them all go one by one? Will this last one slip right through as well? Will I never see them coming true? When? How? Why? Or rather why not? Do I really have to? What really is the factor? Me? You? Or Him? Us? Them?

I can’t help it!! But could I, really? For You, I will if I have to… Just for You!! I promise!!

DEEPER IN LOVE WITH YOU…

2007-03-16T02:00:00.000+08:00

How could I go on loving Him when things were going rough and hardships were falling at me from all sides? 1 Corinthians 3:7 speaks for itself. After what He has done for me on the Cross, what right do I have to grumble and complain? And what’s worse ditch Him just because I was suffering there in the hospital? Instead, I really do realize that I am more in love with Him than before.

From day 1, things were really out of control, but yet I know HE is in control. Since the nephrostomy was a flop, the next best thing was to remove that stupid fibroid (that made me look 5 months pregnant :O) once and for all. After much unnecessary delay, the surgery was done; my main prayer request was answered. I may say it is “THE END” to a horrifying nightmare, but the Lord says it is “THE BEGINNING” to a new chapter into which He is leading me.

Throughout my stay in University Malaya Medical Centre, my mom and I have been through many ups and downs, encouragements and disappointments. Many thoughts have been running through my head as well when I had so many visitors come and go. It made me begin to think and think and think (as usual), in search for an answer. No doubt, it was all for Him. I wanted something new this time. Something that made Him smile.

What are my priorities? What is it that I truly want? Am I ready for what is ahead? I have been quietly watching and observing. Truly it has been so evident. Or is it just my mindset? That I am not going to change the way things were? Some situations were progressing, some remained stagnant. What is He trying to say? I am almost there, but yet I know there are some answers He is still holding back…

[Something that has definitely made Him smile, I know, is none other than the salvation of the “po po” opposite my bed *winkz* when Pastor Mark & Auntie Rose visited me, she challenged us to share the gospel with the po po. The opportunity came when my mom got to feed her her meals when the trainee nurses were on CNY break. The seed was sown, afterwhich Ps. Paul frm Grace USJ planted them.]

All these happened for a reason. Through this experience, friendships were formed. Existing ones were brought one level higher because of Him. Best friends care despite the distance between us. He cared enough to call and check on me all the way from holidaying in China. And “he” also cared enough to constantly check on my healing progress :”> Has this experience, then, closed the gap a little more than before? Only God knows! This experience has indeed revealed the “deeper” side of you. No doubt, it has impacted my impression on you all the more.

ne soul saved. Many more was and will be blessed as I had the privilege of sharing my experience in SURGE again. PTL!!

Love in your eyes...

2007-03-05T06:34:00.000+08:00

25 years of ups and downs with each other yet still so much in love with each other. They look so pretty and handsome for the special occasion set up by my sis. Just for the two of them, my mom and dad, hehe. No one asks for this mishap to happen to me, but now that it has happened, they both have lost the mood for the celebration of their silver anniversary. But we insisted that they go and have some time together, having set up a dinner for them at TGI Friday’s.

Mi and Di, thanx for everything!! Especially this time of in and out of the hospital.

“Happy 25th anniversary!! May the two of you continue to grow deeper in love with each other as you sail thru many more years ahead.. But most importantly deeper in love the One who created this beautiful day.. Thanx for everything!”

TOO YOUNG FOR A HYSTERECTOMY!!!

2007-02-20T07:43:00.000+08:00

A nephrostomy is done, now what? Why does the word hysterectomy come so many times from so many doctor’s mouth? Just because the fibroid is too huge to be operated on, doesn’t mean I have to have a hysterectomy, right? Excuse me, I am only 25!! It is not the matter of whether my future husband would mind if I could not bear him any children, it is my personal desire to have children of my own, haha :)) the problem is me, haha. I am just too young for a hysterectomy!!

Dr. Selvam did warn me of the risk of a hysterectomy in the event of heavy bleeding while removing the fibroid. But the Lord knows my heart’s desire, which I think it’s His wisdom on the doctor to come and tell me that the opt is called off. That Monday morning itself, Dr. Selvam came by to see me and prepare me again for the opt in the afternoon. Having seen that I was so insistent in bugging him about helping preserve my uterus, he came back again, within 5 minutes, with the CT scan results, and changed the whole plan. So it is that the opt is called off, replacing it with Zoladex to shrink the stupid fibroid first.

Right now, after the nephrostomy, I would still have to readmit for another procedure, inserting a “stent” but dunno for what, haha… as long as I recover, and surgery is totally unnecessary :p all I know is I AM TOO YOUNG FOR A HYSTERECTOMY, AND I REFUSE IT IN THE NAME OF JESUS *winkz*

WHERE IS YOUR HEART?

2007-02-11T10:33:00.000+08:00

Indeed a question that has long been thrown at me. Truly, where is my heart? Finally, out of the abundance of my heart, my mouth spoke. Could she now understand that I love where I am right now because I feel very at home with the new group of people? Is it a place that I have been attached to for decades but cud not call “home”? Or is it a place of “home” which I eventually have to let it slip thru my fingers because I cud never be attached to it due to circumstances?

Where is my heart? DUMC? It is seriously no point bluffing and covering up anymore than I used to. Indeed, DUMC is a place I feel so connected to… No need for anymore debate or argument on this issue, haha… Action speaks louder than words *winkz* It is definitely obvious when they insistently wanted to come visit me in the hospital, despite their busy schedules, juz to be with me… Thanks, guys!! Really appreciate all of it :)

Speaking of which, only 4 days in that horrible hospital, and I’m already facing so many ugly experiences (biasa la)… Boredom is definitely first on the list, haha :)) Eat, sleep… eat sleep… haiyoh!! Was admitted on Tuesday, initially with the doctor’s intention of draining the water out of my swollen kidneys… harrr?? :O now, whatever on earth is hydronephrosis?

Anyway, I was scheduled for a CT scan at 2.45 pm yesterday. With that I was told to fast food and liquid until the scan was over… It came up to a total of 22 hrs of fast!! Oh, the taste of water on my lips was indescribable, haha… After that 22 long hours, I consumed one whole litre bottle of water in a gulp. And my mom’s Tom Yam bee hoon was super awesome, haha. Anyway, the fact that I was released back home even for a day feels really great, after pestering & sweet talking the doctors, haha… But then, I came home with a swollen back of my hand because the doctor had recklessly poked my bone instead of a vein, which she only realized after I gave a loud shriek!! What, you mean you doctors don’t know how to differentiate a vein and a bone? haha :)) made my whole right arm numb *sigh*

I have to be back there again tomorrow, latest in the evening because an opt to remove the fibroid in my stomach is to be done on Monday… But I shall be out of the hospital soon, and be back to cell like usual again… wait for me!!

[p/s: ooh, *pstt* there is this cute Indian doctor (fairer side of an Indian la), who, I think, is in charge of the gynecology ward :p good that my bed is by the door, hehe… I can take a peep whenever he pass by, kekeke XD I didn’t know hospital oso can “cuci mata” one la *LOL*]

BETTER TO BLESS THAN BE BLESSED!!

2007-02-01T08:45:00.000+08:00

Last night is probably one of the nights that I feel tremendously blessed. It is especially satisfying to see that you can be used to bless others.

First off, DUMC started this new Zone Prayer thingy, where each cell under one zone will meet to pray and minister (may I add fellowship) to one another. Yesterday was PJ North 4 & PJ South 2 under Pastor Seng Fei. No doubt, I was jittery and therefore hesitating whether or not to go since I dont really like big crowds. But I went anyway. I am not a fan of corporate prayer meetings, but I was really glad I decided to go. Juz being in His presence was what I needed. In a way, I am blessed by what was shared. But in another sense, I am blessed to be able to bless others *winkz*

Go back 4 hours before the zone prayer. I was keeping myself busy with making some muffins again, this time around to bless more people, since the last time I only made enough for my own cell members, heh. Ooh, the joy of seeing people appreciate your effort and being blessed by it :) but Sharon & Alvin from Father’s Garden said the blueberry one taste better, and I thought so too. Anyway, someone offered the suggestion of having them muffins for this year’s CARNIVAL, heh.

I WANT A BREAK!!

2007-01-30T09:18:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wish God would juz grant wishes when I ask of Him, haha. I want a break!! I need a break!! It’s just the beginning of the year, and I’m complaining already? You will know how it feels when there are so many things on your mind. As if not enough, I have a senior person at home who will keep such a close watch on me on almost every little thing that I do around the house… arrrgghh!!

Family, rangers, friendships & relationships… Ooh, and health issues too :p I want a break from all these!! I want a break from having people arnd me. I want a time where it is only me and Him. Not that I’m getting tired of serving, but I’d still want some time alone away even from ministry (which means my adorable kids in rangers). I want to get my mind off friendships not because I don’t appreciate my friends anymore, but because I want to re-prioritize them: From those that are edifying to those that are not, from those that bring joy instead of trouble and chaos. I want a break from the “guy-girl” issues as well, haha :))

YOU ALONE

You are the peace that guards my heart
My help in times of need
You are the hope that leads me on
And brings me to my knees

For there I find You waiting
And there I find release
So with all my heart I’ll worship
And unto I’ll sing

For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father, we worship and adore You
Father, we long to see Your face
For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
And we worship You this day.

CROSSING THE "RED SEA"

2007-01-27T15:15:00.000+08:00

The story of The Red Sea experience in the Bible is no unfamiliar scene if we know our Scriptures well. It has never been so significant to me before than tonight. Evie’s sharing was short and sweet, yet powerfully projected. Crossing the red sea over to the promise land depicts a successful journey. But what about the Egyptians that came after them? Moses answered the people in verse 13 about not being afraid for the Egyptians that they see today they will see no more. With that I am believing that the “Egyptian” that I have in my life today, I will see no more.

Senior Pastor Henry’s favourite verse whenever it comes to the Holy Communion is that of Isaiah 53:4-5 and I’m claiming it.

It was truly God’s divine appointment that these 3 songs were chosen for worship. With Evie gracefully on the piano, I really felt such peace and comfort from the Lord, hehe.

YOU LAID ASIDE YOUR MAJESTY (click here for chords)

You laid aside Your majesty
Gave up everything for me
Suffered at the hands of those You have created
You took all my guilt and shame
When You died and rose again
Now today You reign in heaven and earth exalted.

I really want to worship You, my Lord
You have won my heart and I am Yours
Forever and ever I will love You
You are the only One who died for me
Gave Your life to set me free
So I lift my voice to You in adoration.

I STAND IN AWE

You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depths of Your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty enthroned above.

And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You.

THANK YOU FOR THE CROSS

Thank You for the cross, the mighty cross
That God Himself should die for such as us
And everyday we’re changed into Your image
More and more
Yes, by the cross we’re truly been transformed

We’re so amazed, and we give You praise
That You would save us, at such a cost
We’re so amazed, and we give You praise
For the power of the cross.

THE THOUGHTFULNESS OF A FRIEND…

2007-01-24T10:33:00.000+08:00

…always puts a smile on my face :)

…brings warmth to my heart

…lets me know that God is constantly working in and through the friendship that we share

It has been a question mark as to what has happened to my dear friend Wei Sern, who has, ever since his sister’s wedding, gone back to Australia and subsequently [quoting josh]“disappeared from the face of this earth (or is it the cyber realm).” Josh buzzed me last night to see if I may have known what has happened to our friend WS. Just when I said I do not have a single clue, he instinctively came online, heh. [panjang umur, haha]

Again, he called me all the way from Aussie. Though the conversation was somewhat short, it is really the thought that counts. Sometimes little things like that can make your day. It definitely made mine, haha. Thanx dude!! p/s: ooh, I’ll bear in mind what you said about taking initiatives *winkz* see ya soon, hehe :)

TRANSITION IS GOOD...

2007-01-23T17:38:00.000+08:00

[picture above courtesy of Alvin during DUMC’ s Young Adults’ retreat last year]

As the deer panteth for the waters so my soul longeth after Thee
You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship Thee
You alone are my strength my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship Thee.

I want You more than gold or silver only You can satisfy
You alone are the real joy giver and the apple of my eye
You alone are my strength my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship Thee.

You’re my Friend, and You are my Brother even though You are a King
You alone are my strength my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship Thee
I love You more than any other so much more than anything.

Many thoughts have been running through my head (the deep thinker strikes again!!) lately, but strangely enough the words don’t seem to flow as smoothly as before. Confusion also strikes when I cannot be sure myself whether or not to put it into words. I’ve changed. I know I have. But only the Lord knows how much, heh. Perhaps it is the group of friends. Perhaps it is my own experience. Perhaps it’s the Lord’s molding.

Received a call last Monday, set a date for dinner on Tuesday. That one date was, in many ways, an eye opener for me. It made me realize how much I have moved on from the way I was, or rather who I was, 5 yrs ago. It made me realize how childish I was when I did what I did. It made me realize where my heart truly belong. It took me slightly more than 10 years to realize that such an emptiness could be filled in just 1 year if my focus was right. All in all, it made me look back and realize, with a thankful heart, that it is truly the Lord that has guided me through.

Enough is enough!! This year, I want to fully focus only on the things that will make me fulfilled: 1) My adorable kids in Rangers 2) My cell 3) My daily devotion with the book MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST, highly recommended by Senior Pastor Daniel Ho *winkz*

On a different note, it is nice to listen to uplifting Sunday messages all over again. Once in a while, when our spirits need a lift, it is refreshing when the encouraging word of God speaks and pierce through like a double edged sword. So nice of Alvin to bless me with this particular message cd entitled THE POWER OF FAITH by Rev. Dr. Teoh Choong Leong when I wasn’t able to attend DUMC Sunday celebration due to Rangers duty. Truly one powerful message!!

P/s: ooh, in fact, I’m actually contemplating closing down this site since the flow in writing is not as smooth as before, haha :)) but that's not the main point. The main point is I'd prefer to be more focus in things that I know I would find fulfilment, heh..

FAITH ON FIRM FOUNDATION??

2007-01-21T16:43:00.000+08:00

[picture above courtesy of Wei Sern] [ooh, just in case... he has personally given me the permission to use any of his pictures at all, at any time... so it is not considered stealing, haha]

When your faith is tested and you are struck with the worst news, how do you respond/react? People say it depends on what you build it on. How much more true can that statement get? Haha. Last Monday and Tuesday was the moment my anxiety sky-rocketed to it’s maximum level. I was shocked, but dwelling on it and letting worry set in really will not help improve the situation, so why fret and get all worked up about it? I’d say just leave it in God’s hands, amen?

I prefer not to go too detailed into it, but it is juz something to do with my health. Although of course, besides my family, my beloved cell mates and those in Rangers know about this. I really appreciate their care and concern in the form of prayers and encouragements *winkz* my dear prayer sec even initiated a daily prayer schedule so that they can each take a day to pray for me til we see healing *so touched* Someone asked, “Do you question God?” Haha.. What right do I have? I don’t do such thing, heh. Instead I can say that I have been really blessed and assured that despite such health condition, He has never left me. But He has also taught me FAITHFULNESS!!

REFUGE
I sing a love song to You Lord
Every day, every night
Tell of Your goodness and mercy
Tell the world how You rescued me
Pick me up from sin and shame
Your breathe gives me new life.

Where can I go from Your presence
Under Your wings, I take refuge
Your spirit lives within my heart
I know we’ll never be apart

Everyday I draw closer to You Lord
I long to see Your face, and hide in Your embrace
All my life dwelling in Your holy place
My heart oh Lord I’ve changed
I’ll never be the same
Oh I’ll never be the same.

Ooh yes, everyday I draw closer to Him, with my faith still firm on solid ground no matter what!! Thanx to my parents who were there to care enough to notice the changes in my health (when I dont even realise it myself, haha), to my beloved cell members who supports me in prayers & encouragements *winkz* and of course, everyone who has made my life sweeter with their friendship, hehe :)

TRANSITIONING by His spirit…

2007-01-03T14:45:00.000+08:00

Grrggh!! Streamyx sucks big time!! Kononnya kabel dasar laut laluan antarabangsa internet sedang mengalami kerosakan disebabkan oleh gempa bumi yg melanda China & Taiwan serta HK & China. Cis!! That is juz to lepas geram :p Scroll down for the real post, haha.

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, pow’r and love
Our God is an awesome God.

This year’s watchnight was superb!! For a change, I was at DUMC’s. So I have both themes, from DUMC and Grace PJ as well. That’s how the title of this post came about: Transition. But the actual verse on the banner was taken from Isaiah 54:2. As for Grace’s, it is the year of the Cross, Sword and the Crown, with which the accompanying verse is from Zechariah 4:6. Now you see that the title of this post is the combination of both worlds, haha.

It’s been a year since I made one particular transition, and I’m just glad I made that decision. The word transition was very much a prominent term to me because personally, I have been wanting a little change physically, emotionally, spiritually, and even socially. Looking at it at a deeper level, only God knows what is in my heart and mind. A year of transition also means taking a step into new world and new heights. But only God will know the right time in guiding me in to those transition time. But still I’d wished it will come soon, haha.

Ooh, one member of the family left us for 3 months. But not long after, one more new member was added to us, haha. My brother left for his National Service yesterday. Wonder how is he coping there :p Beranang, Selangor is not too far away though, compared to Kuantan, Terengganu, heh.

I remembered the time when he anxiously checked the NS results the minute he arrived home from school. Was it disappointment or excitement when he saw his name and IC number exactly the way it is before his very eyes, haha. He had repeatedly checked it just in case there was a blunder, but there it still is whenever he checked the website. God’s will or what? Anyhow, I just hope he will be doing fine there la, hehe.

Now, this is the other new member of the family I was referring to: A two-month-old Golden Retriever, hehe. Say hie to ROXY, everyone *winkz* It's been a while since our previous dog died, it's even been a longer while since I played, stroked, patted and manja-ed a dog, haha. Golden Retrievers are known to be really good assistants to the disabled. So can I train her up to do things for me? Haha. She should be trained up to help me around the house soon :p Esther hor? Hahaha :))

CHRISTMAS IN MY HEART!!

2006-12-28T16:28:00.000+08:00

Christmas isn’t Christmas,
Til it happens in your heart
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts…

So give your heart to Jesus
You’ll discover when you do
That it’s Christmas… Really Christmas, for you!!

Yes, Christmas isn’t really Christmas til it happens in our hearts. This Christmas brings various kinds of feelings and emotions. But I ask for love – God’s love!! Reflections of the past came flashing back, and I had wondered why He let it flood back in to my memory bank. Good ones are definitely worth smiling at, but what about the not-so-good ones? With all those experiences, I believe some way or another, He has built me up stronger and a lil more mature. One lesson I’ve definitely learnt: Silence lets you “see” things beyond the surface. And when the truth decides to reveal itself one day, the effect will not be as bad, haha. Therefore, one resolution for 2007: To go on adopting that quiet and gentle [if I was ever gentle at all to begin with, haha] spirit :))

I have always felt that Christmas will not be complete without this song. How much more true can the lyrics get? Indeed, we are the reason that He gave His life. I AM THE REASON THAT HE GAVE HIS LIFE.

As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys we knew we’ll find
But we never realized a Baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We are the reason that he gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
For a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
We learn more about gifts
The giving of ourselves and what that means
On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain
Because if love, because of love

I’ve finally found the reason for living
It’s in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do, every word that I say
I’ll be giving my all, just for Him
For Him

My Jesus did it for me, and now I’m doing it for HIM!!

WHEN LOVE & FRIENDSHIP GETS CONFUSED...

2006-12-20T16:44:00.000+08:00

The truth can sometimes hurt. And I WAS hurt when the truth came unexpectedly yesterday, despite having known very well about it two years back. But I guess love, God’s love to be exact, washed and covered that whole bad experience. I guess that the many similar experiences that I went through helped matured me in one way or another. If this was thrown at me back then, I would have “crumbled”, haha.

Many people say or make promises. Yet not many can keep them. “I will never…” Now, u knw the phrase well: NEVER SAY NEVER!! The more u vow with the word NEVER, the more it will happen… I thought I was strong enough to face it, but I was wrong. Not because I have not gotten over the whole issue, but because of the fact that the truth was hidden from me. A promise never to let xxx come between our friendship? Haha. I guess I was hurt again when the whole story was re-lived. Realization of the hurt only sank in when I retire to bed last night. Couldn’t sleep until almost 3 a.m. I might have put on a strong front, but that was a mask. I might have acted “selamba” around u, but deep down……… Hahaha :p

Can I juz ask that the “bad experiences” stop/end here once and for all? I’m just afraid that I might not be able to take it any longer. Tired of wearing a mask, especially in this particular area. Set me free, pleeeease!! Hahahaha :)) but one thing I want you to know, I never drew any line in our friendship despite the painful truth…

[p/s: Just let this be a passing history and/or chapter. But if you ever decide to comment, you dun have to reveal yourself. Keep your identity to yourself k? I dun wanna complicate things further! Thanx.]

A PASSION…

2006-12-18T12:00:00.000+08:00

…is something that, I would say, is inborn. That would mean something we do effortlessly, rather than struggling with something that we do not have a single idea about.

…because it is a gift from God, it comes naturally when we are in a position that will maximize that particular gift.

…is where we perform best!! Where we are passionate with what we do, and do best.

…REMAINS A PASSION NO MATTER WHAT!!

** I am not going to bear with it any longer. Once I found another root, I'm leaving this one!!

2 persons – no, make it 3 – take a very special place in my heart. Sometimes, we don’t need words to speak our hearts. Just that special look, a glance that we exchange. Thanx Esther, Wei and Evie!! You guys have really been tremendous blessings *muakz* I will never trade this friendship that we share for anything at all in this world :)

OF WEDDINGS, CHRISTMAS, AND WISHES…

2006-12-12T13:20:00.000+08:00

Somehow this December sees many weddings: Friends’, relatives’… How sweet it is to see two different individuals become one… A marriage makes two fractional lives a whole… It gets even sweeter when the marriage is God-ordained *winkz* the love story of a couple whose relationship is solely centered on the Lord Jesus… Patience is virtue, therefore marriage becomes more beautiful when we are able to WAIT for the right person at the right time, hehe.

Yesterday was Lee Yen’s big day. She juz looked awesome!! The equation to such charm in an individual is, I would say, inner beauty + the wonderful hands of God = an admirable young lady (and of course the young man as well). Both the bride and the groom were respectable individuals who had qualities worth looking up to, and this is where I promised myself that I would wanna be like them, making them my role models…

To the newly weds, Chin Thye & Lee Yen: Thanx for having been tremendous blessings in my life. Distance will separate us physically but the love of God bonds us together in the spirit. Take care, all the best & love you lots!!

anxiously awaiting the arrival of the bride

a prayer of blessing for the couple

dont be shy, you may now kiss the bride *lol*

Me with Mr & Mrs Lee Chin Thye *lol*

Sweet Sue Sue... kekeke

Pretty Pauline, heheh...

Rachel Chan :)

Is there such a thing as groomsman? Hahaha... Wei, my best buddy, the sai lo of the bride

all in - the Grace PJ gang, hehe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Christmas brings back many memories, marks many milestones and sees the possibilities of many new things, hehe. I have wishes and desires, but they are in the main control of the One above. I want some things to change, I want some others to happen before my eyes. I can never run from my sister who will foresee things before it happens. True enough, now that it has come to past, I cannot deny that feelings anymore. What needs to be done now is to make sure that if it really happens, THIS IS WHAT I REALLY WANT, AND WILL WANT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

With that, an additional reminder is about the promise I made to myself on my birthday last year. Although I am constantly tempted to go against my conscience, I cannot do so for the fact that the sign of the promise I made is hooked to my fingers for as long as I leave it there, haha. It has constantly been a motivation for me to remain faithful to the promise I made to myself. I may wish, think and ponder on it, but until the Lord gives a green light, I have to remain silent.

I am willing to wait for it, because I know that if it is truly from the Lord, I will be blessed beyond words (many people have testified to that anyway, so I just know it *winkz*)

FOR NOW, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU!!

HAPPEEE FOR A CHANGE!!

2006-11-28T15:18:00.000+08:00

I’ve been bugging him to tell me the exact date of his return to Malaysia again. But he said he wanted it to be a surprise. Hmm. Assuming that it would be in early December (very near his sister’s wedding, that’s what he told me), I was surprise but very happy at the same time to hear that Wei Sern is back!! Weee~ If I had known, I would have been in Grace to welcome him back, haha…

I sound like some emo freak… miserable one day, happy & excited the next, heh. I just got a call from him 3 hours ago… I will be having a date with him for supper tomorrow nite *winkz* can I take it? First it’s full day at work, then dinner with Light House people to prepare and practice for a small appreciation for our cell leader at a sub zone gathering this Friday… hopefully it wont drag too long as my dear Wei Sern would be next in line, haha…

I’m happeee… as of now, it’s exactly 24 hours more til I meet up with him tomorrow nite… hooray!! Hey, thanx for the 8 yrs of friendship, my dear friend…

[my mom adviced me to arrange it to another nite considering I’ll be out again for dinner once I get back from work, being concerned that I will be tired after a whole day at work… but just for Wei, I don’t and won’t mind, hehe]

NEVER TRY NEVER KNOW, BUT ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY…

2006-11-28T14:44:00.000+08:00

Three more days sees me through one month of working with my new company, a company secretarial firm. Honestly, I really don’t know how I ended up in this line. Was it because of my own big mouth and eager expression to give it a shot when my mom’s friend, Patricia, a.k.a. my lady boss called to ask if any of my sister’s friends who might be interested to work? Look what happened now!! I sent myself into the crocodile’s mouth, ahaha *sigh*

It’s true that if we never tried, we’d never know (when I say this, I'm refering to all other aspects as well la :p). But now that I’ve tasted it, will there be a way out for me? I could see the pattern of the absence of passion in the things I do. What’s worse is that I know nuts about this line. One week is enough for me to want out, but it looks very clear to me that I am trapped in my own option. Not only am I not passionate about this job, I have to face an unreasonable “bunch of people” who is constantly demanding for things, bla bla. So am I expected to tolerate being blamed for something I did not do at all?

A friend said I’ll “do fine”, and told me to “hang in there.” Coming from someone whose friendship I treasure much, it really means a lot. Thanks, dear!! But can I really do it? I do not wish to be like a square knot, that after having been tied down, I cannot entangle myself again, finding no way out!!

Yesterday's message by Ps. Matthew Foo Yung Chean entitled THE BEST IS YET TO COME was a good one as far as I was concerned, heh… For He said in His Word that “He will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear…” so I am looking out for a way out soon… as soon as He’s finished with what He wants to do with me tho, kekeke :p

Let me cry!!

2006-11-25T16:23:00.000+08:00

My thoughts have been in a mess again… many things have been going on inside of me and I know I need to get it out, but I failed yet again… as I lay on my bed waiting to fall asleep each night, I want someone to be there to listen to me… but yet I know that even if there is someone (of coz I can count on my sis, but somehow I know it wont work), it will not make any difference because I don’t even know how to bring them out…

Perhaps it’s just one of those times when I don’t even know or can’t even tell what I want from myself. I put up a strong front, yet I feel like crumbling inside. I know I feel like crying, but the tears seemed to have dried and refused to flow… a friend once told me that it is good to cry once in a while, letting out all that is inside (now if he, a guy, can express himself by crying, why does it seem so hard for me?) Debbie Debbie’s (Debbie Yeow, that is) words of blessing for me on my birthday last week was that I will be surrounded with trustworthy friends with whom I can share my darkest secrets. I’m still waiting for these trustworthy ones, haha.

2006 will come to a close very very soon… will I, then, be able to look back and see progress? Will I put a smile on His face and be worthy of His Words, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

Come, Holy Spirit, fall on me now
I need Your anointing, come in Your pow’r
I love You, Holy Spirit, You captivate my soul
And everyday I grow to love You more

** I’m reachin’ for Your heart
You hold my life in Your hands
Drawing me closer to You
I feel Your power renew
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see You face to face
I worship You in spirit and in truth.

[a new song I learnt from DUMC's Young Adults' retreat back in August this year...]

BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME!!

2006-11-18T15:33:00.000+08:00

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the LOVE I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through
Through it all.

** You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me.

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you.

Bridge: You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark
Shining your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place
Because of you.

Subsequent to the birthday celebration Friday and Wednesday, I would like to dedicate this song to all who has been a part of such a special day for me!! My family (parents & sibs)… My Light House cell members, the members of Father’s Garden cell group… And everyone else with their thoughtful e-cards and sms-es *winkz* To that special “someone” out there, whoever you are, you are an inspiration to me in many, many ways!! Most of all to My Creator, my Refuge, my Comforter and Friend, I was blessed because I was LOVED BY YOU… And I am who I am today because of You!!

A SWEET SURPRISE!!

2006-11-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

I turned prematurely a year older by two days, haha. It was pre planned that since we don’t have cell on Friday, there will be a “cell makan outing” on Wednesday for the members of Light House. Evie picked me up and headed for THE CURVE yesterday. I just allowed myself to be pushed and led around as I have only been to that place once.

So I thought it was only a casual “makan” with my cell members. Surprisingly, as we exited the lift, I saw Sharon from Father’s Garden. Suspicion started building up, and it really doubled over when I spotted the rest of the Father’s Garden members sitted around a table in Restaurant Heaven. It was a unique place, with a live band complimenting our dinner. They take song requests too *winkz*

When You Say Nothing At All, If Tomorrow Never Comes A birthday “makan” will not be a birthday “makan” without the HAPPY BIRTHDAY song, hehe. A really sweet and simple celebration!! Thanx!! To the person who organised it (i'm sorry i dunno who, but u knw who u are), thank u!! Tho it is short, sweet and simple, it still means alot to me, really!! It's the thought that counts, amen? ;) ooh, and a very nice place u chose too, with the singing and all, haha... To the members of Father's Garden (whether anot ur being there is planned), thank u for being a part of this. Heard that u guys are supposed to have cell tonite? Haha... Thanx for having been a part of my life, tho it has only been a short time that i got to knw u guys... To every1 who were there, thanx for all the blessings and wishes... Will treasure and keep them close to heart :)

Light House: My very own cell group

Light House girls

Evie girl!! The most bubbly, jumpy, laugh-y gal I ever met :p hehehe

Nicole.. I guessed she was the one behind this surprise for me, heh.. Thanx girl!! I had a great time..

Father’s Garden: Two cells before mine.. I call them our “grand mother cell” XD

The candle that a friend used as an illustration for his birthday blessings for me.. So sweet :”>

Ooh, and Sharon... That was a very good way of detouring and cover-up, haha...

Thanx and thanx again!! May our friendship be blessed with many many more years to come :)

Hugz & muakz from me... Hahaha :))

FOR A CHANGE.

2006-11-08T23:13:00.000+08:00

NO COMPROMISE! How will this phrase affect and/or make an impact in my life? Referring to last Sunday's message by Ps. SS Kee entitled FAITHFUL OR FATAL CHOICES, I have always been taught to follow the right teachings of the Bible and never compromise my stand for God. But can I do it? Am I courageous enough to stand for what is right? Or do I just ignore the faults and play along with it? My new job has been good. Or so it seems. Whatever that means, I just want to do the right thing, according to His will. I have passed one stage where the theme “No compromise” is concerned. Is this another test? Lord, help me!!

On a different note, I am seeing a new perspective for a new future. Yeehaaa. Speaking of new, indeed I want quite a few new things. But am I ready for it? When He drops it on my lap, am I ready to embrace it? For this, I have to thank a good friend for offering perceptions and insights to the situation. Thanx Wei for taking the time to hear me out that day *winkz*

Speaking of new, my new “car” arrived yesterday. My very own, made-up version of “Quickie 813”, haha (dun ask me what’s with the number, tho. Heehee.) Moving about in the office is now a very much easier task, especially having to carry big and heavy files. I need to use the typewriter and the computer alternately, so switching from one workstation to another has also been made easier with my dear Quickie. Let’s see if I get to use it at other times besides work. Perhaps like shopping, where I don’t need people to push me around, and therefore can go wherever I like.

Just stop it!!

2006-11-01T14:48:00.000+08:00

It’s damn annoying to know that history is repeating itself again. It happened before, it is happening again. It can be avoided if people weren’t too free to start creating havoc. I can never understand what thrills them so much to see arguments happen between two very close friends which will lead to their drifting apart. Is it jealousy? Or just for the heck of it?

At one point some time ago, my friendship with a fellow friend deteriorated just because of uncalled for rumors. And now that I am in a totally new environment, I thought that it will not happen again. Perhaps I thought wrong. Enough is enough!! Whoever you are, don’t you think I deserve some respect? Thanx for the “help”, but no thanx, ok?? Read me properly: NO THANK YOU!!

After an event last Thursday [yes, last Thursday is correct. I have been missing from cyber world because of a very irritating connection again. Thankfully, I dun have to use streamyx for work anymore. And yes, I have started my new job. Will go more into it later], I just sensed something fishy and felt a bit uneasy at that. True enough a day later, I was confronted. Whoever you are, will you just stop it?? Please read the four-letter word properly: I HATE the way my friendships are being ruined by a third party!! If you happened to bump into this but still don’t get the hint, God bless you for being so insensitive!!

Stressful rigidity…

2006-10-27T15:43:00.000+08:00

I never believed in the enforcement of rigid rules and inflexible ways of dealing with something, or anything at all for that matter. Especially when there is nothing to do with life or death. Why so hard on rules which will make the life of others difficult as well? Haha. Perhaps coming from the mouth of a Phlegmatic like me may be a little surprising since Phleggies are “followers” and will just go with the flow rather than having the trouble of leading or even thinking up something.

I know it is just their personality but it just irritates me when someone insist on rigidly following suit to an earlier plan rather than go with the flow. If you don’t see a possibility in one way, try another. Even when u don’t see an “open door” to a certain situation, perhaps the best way is to use another “door” that u know will eventually lead to the same exit. I have been put in charge of handling a certain department, and this being my first time, it is difficult for me to start something. But once it gets started, I’ll go with the flow. So, why not just go with the flow, even if it means changing focus? I think the best thing to do is to leave the options open for another to chip some ideas in. I’m tired, haha.

Well, let’s forget the stress. She shall take care of it herself if she wishes to do so. On an unrelated matter, someone turns 22 today. Okok, sounds so stranger-ish. No stranger la. He is a good friend of mine, none other than Wei Sern. Today, in Australian time, which is two hours ahead. So at 10 p.m. Malaysian time just now, I surprised him by ringing him, haha. Glad to hear that he is coping well and in no time coming back. Weeee~ I am waiting, haha. I’m counting on you, dear. I’m sure u know what I mean. Kekeke. So yea, all the best for greater things ahead. 22 years and definitely getting better. Cheers!

Sushi, Udon, Sashimi, Teppanyaki... And everything Jap!!

2006-10-25T17:33:00.000+08:00

I suddenly have a craving for Japanese food, haha. Give me an inch, I want a foot. Hmm. I guess the farewell lunch last week made the mark. Then I stumbled upon one of the entries in the MoNSTerBlog, a collaboration between the News Straits Times and Jaring. Sushi? Oooo, haha. Let’s pray hard that Connor would suggest something different for the next birthday bash. Some place that offers sushi *winkz* Then, I would be more than grateful. When time comes, and that really happens you will know why.

Perhaps I should learn how to make them myself, kekeke. Now that it has become one of my favourites, I should learn how to pamper myself with it regularly. Who knows I may decide to take only sushi as my main meal, if I will ever be selected for Duskin again this year :p well, I am applying again, so who knows? I am just getting accustomed to more Japanese food for now. Udon is not a bad idea too. Wahaha XD

A FIRST TRY…

2006-10-24T03:33:00.000+08:00

It’s been a while since I baked/made something to eat. The last time was 10 months ago, at a Praise Giver’s BBQ appreciation nite. Back then, I had just started my occupational therapy in “making my own breakfast”, so what other simple breakfast other than egg mayo sandwich. It was a good experience, doing everything on my own from the preparation to the cleaning up.

More than a week ago, my mom made some muffins for a friend’s birthday. Freshly out of the microwave, it smells great. It tastes great too. Having promised another friend that I would make him a treat, he had preferred it to be a surprise rather than rigidly telling me what he wanted. So, the idea came that instead of making sandwiches again, I would give it a try making this new recipe *winkz*

Evie had tried it as well, and she suggested that this could be our next specialty for next year’s Carnival. Hmm. Anyway, here’s my humble mix of blueberry & strawberry muffin. I think the blueberry tastes nicer, heh.

Stagnant is no good…

2006-10-20T09:33:00.000+08:00

The Bible clearly state that there is a time for everything. Which includes a time to retreat and a time to progress. But it did not mention a time to remain stagnant. Indeed I have progressed quite abit mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But yet I feel like I am so stagnant in a very different way. Perhaps no one will EVER know or understand how I feel except God Himself. I want to move forward, but yet I cant seem to have the strength to do so. I want to turn back time, but I know it is impossible (unless miracle of miracles, God allows it la). What has happened, happened for a reason. It is no point opening that chapter of my life again. It is juzt there for memories.

It is frustrating to be left “hanging in mid air”, not moving any forward. People always say, “talk about it and you’ll feel much better.” I don’t think so. If talking about it makes things better, I wouldn’t mind spilling my heart out. I know there are a couple of really trustworthy buddies who will be all ears if I needed them. But they are not God to make it a miracle for me, so what is the point? People are excited for me, but then again, they don’t know how I really, really feel. I’m tired, literally!! Although, of course everything else is going fine, maybe I just happen to feel abit emo at this particular point. Perhaps it’s just the feeling of getting stuck in the middle. Haha.

Can I say I want out, Lord? Out of all these headaches. Heh.

More than just a job…

2006-10-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

I’ve never realize how time flies by so quickly. 9 months ago on the 25th of January 2006, I was all jittery and nervous, not knowing what to expect, when I was selected to work for JICA project, collaboration with the Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat Malaysia. 9 months down the road, I feel a sense of lost when I have to give it up for a better job elsewhere. But then again, people grow and progress from one level to another. Perhaps this new job is a foundation on which my future will be built.

Today is my last day and I will definitely miss everything that has got to do with JICA, or even JKM. When I broke the news to Kenji, he was all smiles for the fact that I found something that will benefit me better. Now he has to go in search for another assistant, haha. I had to follow up on outstanding task and assignments before leaving, so it was quite a busy day for me. Nevertheless, lunch break was really good. He’d told another pegawai OKU, Joy, about my leaving, and had asked her to come along for a small farewell lunch. It was simple yet awesome, I must say. He suggested Japanese food, and yeap, it totally suits me, haha. The sushi was the best, hehe. Thanks, Kenji. Thanks, Joy!!

This job is definitely more than just a job. It is a learning ground. It is also a character building tool. It is a stress relieving station, albeit it’s a work place, somewhere away from home. A place where I get to release “things” out of my mind when Kenji decides to get me talking about unavoidable life’s events. I’ll definitely miss such a caring “counselor” when advice and opinions are needed. He had said that if I were to ever decide to go back and work with him, I am always welcomed, haha.

Whatever it is, I am grateful for that support. A promise I make. To God, to my loved ones, to Kenji and to myself: I will do my very best, for a job that I will love *winkz* thanx Mi & Di!! Arigato gozaimasu, Kuno-san!! Stay in touch!!

Some things got to go in order for new ones to come in…

2006-10-17T06:19:00.000+08:00

…is something I mentioned two entries ago, and now so many things really have to go. The comfort of working from my very own room, the freedom of catching up on repeats of chinese series that I might miss. The liberty of taking one (or even half) day off, just to lepak. The worst part is I might have to miss leaders retreat :’(( All these fun has got to go in replacement of a new job. But I believe everything good comes with a cost, or we will not learn. I had specifically wanted a new job, an office job if possible, something totally different from what I am already doing right now. Most importantly, nothing to do with streamyx at all. And yes, you guessed it. I got myself just that *winkz*

A friend of my mom called to ask if my sis has any friends who would be interested to work. The minute I heard that it was an office job, my eyes lit up in excitement. So instead of asking around my sister’s friends, my mom mentioned me to her friend. To cut the story short, last Thursday I was asked to go have a look at the environment of the office. After testing out the practicality of the job requirements and specification, I knew very well I wanted it. I even had a short, unexpected interview with the director. Then and there, they said that I got the job. For formality’s sake, they called again the next day to inform that I was to start work in November. Walao!!

Now to inform Nick, my telemarketing superior. This week would also be the last week of me going to KL working for Kenji. Hmm.

[addition: that same Thursday night, my mom went for prayer meet. The prophet W. Madukwe said something like, “This same time tmrw, you will receive a miracle!” Walao, how wonderful is that? True enough, that same time the next day, my “miracle” came *winkz*]

But one thing he said during service yesterday that I will take hold of: YOUR TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER THAN TODAY!!

Not only in terms of career, but I believe in every aspects as well, heheeee~

1) This is my desire, to honor You
Lord, with all my heart, I worship You
All I have within me, I give You praise
All that I adore is in You

Lord, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord, have Your way in me.

2) You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depths of Your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty, enthroned above

And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You.

My Jesus matters more…

2006-10-13T07:42:00.000+08:00

Is it true that after you’ve reached a certain age, your status is something to “worry” about? Single, Attached, or “In the process”? It tickled me to see how concern one can get about me where this issue is concerned. I have left this issue behind my mind for some time now, also leaving it in God’s hands. Like Alvin said, “Leaving this department to God.” But ever so recently Kenji decided to be cheeky and started asking me about how I was progressing. Hmm. Not that I mind. It just shows that he is concerned, heh.

It is something rare for a superior to ask his employee about very personal stuff. Not with Kenji though, haha. He asked, he listened. He teased. He also commented. Very sporting, I would say. Since he asked, I shared with him bits and pieces of what has been happening. Conversations with him about relationship issues has really made me think of my own mentality and standards and what I really wanted as far as such a commitment is concerned. [ooh, I found out that he doesn’t only interrogate me. According to him, his other assistant, Siti, gets “equal treatment” as well. Hmm.] Ok la, interrogate is a wrong word. Let’s just say he is curious :p

No doubt, I cannot avoid this topic forever. People tell me I’ve “got to start somewhere.” But it is easier said than done. Many of my friends have shared their experiences with me, which is really a good eye opener. Being in a relationship requires a lot from both parties and the main question is “Am I ready?” “Is he (whoever he is) ready?” Perhaps I appear to look cool and calm about this whole issue. That is merely because I have decided to “let God be God” and “leave this department to Him.” Quoting my sis and Alvin respectively there, hehe.

For now, my Jesus matters more *winkz*

SICK & TIRED!!

2006-10-10T14:15:00.000+08:00

How long will this have to go on? How long more do I have to be working from home, helplessly depending on the streamyx connection to determine my income? I know some older adults would tell me that my blaming the internet connection is a childish act. But you’ve got to be in my position to understand the frustrations when the line faces interruptions. Perhaps my parents have seen me being distracted by mails coming in and friends buzzing me for a chat. But that doesn’t mean I neglect my work altogether. Which is better? Being able to work (that’s if the connection chooses to behave itself), with occasional freedom to do other things or not being able to work at all?

Just when I mentioned about the Reader’s Digest job requiring me to call overseas (here again, I need the streamyx), I’m put into these kind of stress! They need it done fast, but what can I do? The connection was all fine until it started raining and my dad was rushing me to switch the streamyx off. See the trouble? My work is stranded once it starts raining and thundering. I HATE to switch it off because I know this is what I will get after every switching off. Now after four hours, I’m still not connected. Grrgghh!! I’m fed up!! I want something new, something totally unrelated to streamyx.

My mom brought the Tadika Grace issue up again over lunch. I really miss that job. An ideal job like this is what I am looking for. Administrative nature which does not require streamyx, and where distance is not really an issue. Plus I will be in an environment full of children. It brought back memories, good and bad. I wonder what made her bring that up again. Well, of course the bad ones have long been forgotten. It’s more than two years, Mi. As all the memories flooded back in, I wish for a similar job. I am looking into it. If I ever had to make “a big switch” for a similar job, and if it is God’s will to begin with, I am willing. Some “things” got to go in order for new ones to come in.

Passing Time...

2006-10-07T12:05:00.000+08:00

1) Sleep with or without clothes on?
With la!! *duh*

2) Prefer black or blue pens?
It doesn’t make my handwriting any different, so I’m fine either way.

3) Like to travel?
Definitely. But then again depends on where the destination would be.

4) Like someone?
Yeap.

5) Does “someone” know?
I think he suspects. But I cant be too sure.

6) Who sleeps with you every night?
My faithful soft toy rabbit. Been with me for 13 yrs now. Who’s the faithful one now? *lol*

7) Think you’re attractive?
A little above average.

8) Want to get married?
Half of me says “yes”, the other half says “I don’t know”.

9) To whom?
To someone who will love me for who I really am.

10) Are you a good student?
Err, yes and no. Haha.

11) Are you currently happy?
Yes and No, haha. Temperamental?

12) Have you been fooled before?
Yes.

13) Coloured or black and white photo?
Coloured. Makes it more “alive.” Whatever that means XD

14) Do long distance relationships work?
It really depends.

15) Do you believe in love at first sight?
Ahah, definitely! [Esther, you know who I’m talkin’ about, don’t you?]

16) Do you consider yourself the life of the party?
Nope, not at all!

17) Have you lied before?
Duh!

18) Do you drink?
Occasionally.

19) Do you make fun of people?
Depending on whether I like you or not. Wahaha XD

20) Do you think dreams eventually come true?
I don’t know. Although I wish all of it will!!

21) Favourite Disney character.
Too many to name. all are just too cute, heehee.

22) Go to the movies or rent?
Movies.

23) Have you ever moved?
Countless times.

24) Last movie you watched.
Err…

25) Last time you went to school.
7 years ago.

26) Loud or soft music?
Soft.

27) Mc D’s or Burger King?
I’m torn between two lovers *lol*

28) Night or day?
Night.

29) Future job.
Kindergarten teacher. Better still the headmistress.

30) Current job.
Something that relates a lot to the phone.

31) Current love?
Mr. xxx *gives a cheeky look*
My bed [it’s the best thing when I am sleep-deprived]

32) Current longing.
More of my Jesus!

33) Current disappointment.
That nothing’s really happening.

34) Current annoyance.
The unstable streamyx connection. Interrupting my work. Grrrggghhh!!

35) Most recent thing you are looking forward to.
“Meeting him” this Sunday *lol*
The next Light House birthday celebration on the 28th.

36) What are you hearing right now?
The many really-hard-to-decipher Australia and U.K. accent each tiem I make that overseas call, haha [working on a new project for Reader’s Digest Malaysia, which requires me to call all the different universities abroad.]

37) Plans for the weekend.
I think I heard something like a steamboat dinner at Yuen Buffet again.

38) What was the most memorable thing you did this week?
Helping out in T.H.E. Carnival that day.
With a lantern in hand, and a group of Light House members, we walk one part of BU neighborhood. [this Light House lantern celebration is an appreciation nite for all who participated in T.H.E. Carnival]

39) Current favourite song.
Come Holy Spirit Fall On Me Now (duno who’s the singer)
Fairy Tale by Guang Liang

40) Pick a favourite TV series quote.
Unless it really stands out to me, I don’t usually remember them.

41) I tag:
Anyone who has time but don’t know how to spend it, haha.

Haih, I guess I’m not that discipline after all. Like I mentioned in No. 36, I am currently working on a new project for Reader’s Digest Malaysia which requires me to call all the different universities abroad to gather some contact information about their uni. For now, it’s Australia and United Kingdom. I have to admit it’s tough, but challenging and fun at the same time. The only thing I find a trouble is to constantly take note of any and all time differences. Ooh, and catching their flowery accent too. Walao!! Thankfully 8 out of 10 are patient enough with me. Some even went the extra mile to spell letter by letter for me. Haha.

With this job, my schedule and time has been all upside down. Australia isn’t all that bad, being only 2 hours ahead of us. I got myself a seperate clock set according to their time and I had to be very careful with my greetings, so that I don’t wish them “Good morning” when it is already into noon time over there, heh. I still make that mistake with Super Pages sometimes, what more this international one where time factor is totally out, haha. The worse is yet to come. This batch that I am doing now is the United Kingdom. 7 hours behind Malaysia, goodness me!! I will need to work until 12 a.m. Malaysian time. So anymore next surprises? Too many jobs la. Pengsan. But then again, I’m paid, so why not *lol*

Ok, their lunch time is up (it’s dinner time for me here), so I’m back to work. See yah!

Backtrack…

2006-10-04T14:58:00.000+08:00

We had a family getaway at Genting Highlands last Friday through to Sunday. This time it was something mild. As expected, we didn’t get to the theme parks, just chilling at the hotel. I told myself that I would be taking this opportunity to just relax to the max, so what better thing to do than catch up on my sleep, haha. Such nice and cooling weather. Seriously it was nothing much. I didn’t even have time for pictures, heh. But I manage to zoom in on the highest point from our hotel for a bit.

I had to miss one and a half days of T.H.E Carnival I could have gone for my shift on Sunday afternoon as well, but I promised my kids that I would be there for the closing party of Royal Rangers for this year. One after another, it was a jammed packed day for me, but it’s all for Him *winkz*

anyway, I rushed straight to DUMC after rangers just in time for my slot. Whoa, good business la! Our stall was one of the last few to pack up, imagine. Hehe.

Here comes T.H.E Carnival!!

The following few pics are by Evie. Since I couldn't be there to take them myself, I asked her to help me la, haha :))

His new trademark *lol*

My cell leader & his “superchun” burger, hahaha.

Still with that pose?? Haih :p

Connor's girls a.k.a his "kaki tangan" in contributing to the success of our stall *winkz*

His direct "penolong kanan".

Ooh, wanna see a pastor get "dunked"? Hahaha. Here's Ps Moy How for all :p

Some of my friends had the opportunity of going round “kepoh-ing”, but as I was on duty, I didn’t have that privilege. But it’s alright, I’ll do what is needful and important. Then suddenly, I saw a familiar face, someone with whom I have lost touch for so long. Marie Ann, an ex cell member from the time David Nga was the cell leader, came by to say hi. It was nice to see her there. [tracking back, its been almost a decade since I first joined a cell. Imagine how many cell leaders I have been with & grown up with] Because her boyfriend was a DUMC-ian, that’s why. Speaking of which, it really feels nice to be back in touch with old pals despite our own busy schedules. There’s Joan, there’s Pauline, there’s Jaymee. Hmm. Maybe I could visit them again someday, haha.

My sister's favourite word: Random thought --> seems like quite a number of friends I know “crossed church” as far as their “other half” is concerned, haha. Random conversation between a few of the Light House members:

Member A: Seems like we all crossed ministries to find our partners. He’s from MWM (Music & Worship Ministry), I’m from Dew Crew.

Member B: Yalo, ya lo. Me also. Eh, in fact you also wert (reffering to member C), haha. Own ministry also got but dun want, go over board to the next ministry, heh.

Now, that made me think: If they are talking about “crossing ministries” what have I done? Crossed church? Haha. But of course, I’m not alone, hehe. I know of some others who are in the same situation as well. Hmm. Lets just see how things go.

DREAMS, SIGNS & CONFIRMATIONS?

2006-09-27T01:43:00.000+08:00

She must be on Cloud 9 now, haha. Is she still thinking very much about it? I know I am, although I have zero connection to it. My sis has been ranting to me about a certain something which has been in her heart for quite some time now. I knew how much this thing meant to her. I know very well how she felt. And I know how she feels even right now. It takes one to be in the shoes of another person to know how he or she feels. What does it mean for me to have that dream for my sis? Was God trying to tell her something through me? Was God trying to show ME something? What is the lesson that He was trying to get across to both of us?

In the wee hours of early last Friday, I had a dream. I dreamt about my sis getting this particular wish of hers granted, right in her face. Oh, man. So sweet. [okok, I better be careful not to reveal too much, but all I can say is that the guy that she has been eyeing for some time now asked her for a chance to be more than friends. aaawww. I was with her at some place having fun with each of own our friends, that was when she came to me with the news.] It was very clear, how the dream went. I even remembered what outfit she wore at that time. Can you imagine? I woke up with my heart beating so fast, just feeling so excited for her. Excited to tell her about it. For goodness sake Elaine, just be patient and let her get back from college first, will you? Haha. One thing I know, the dream did not have an ending. Hish, why so potong stim? *lol* As I was pondering on the halfway dream, the question of “why didn’t the dream have an ending?” came up. Out of nowhere, it just dawned on me that it was entirely up to her to decide how she wanted the ending to be. Probably there was a message God was trying to get through to her. Probably He wanted to teach her something.

Could it be a first sign from God? Well, from all that she has told me about this guy, he seems a very decent person, sweet too, heee~ He loves the Lord very much, and he is very passionate about his ministry. I felt strongly so, but I didn’t want to give her too high hopes. Is there going to be a second and third sign? A confirmation? I know how it feels to have hopes crushed, so I didn’t want that to happen to her. All I know was that I too longed for dreams that will come to past. Something that I have been wishing for to come to reality. How nice would it have been if that dream was meant for myself? Better still how beautiful it will be to have my sis dream that of me, because most of the times, her dreams had come to past before. Not only dreams. In fact she can “see and sense” things. She would tell me that this or that is not right for me, and true enough after a certain amount of time, I see that truth revealed. Or she would so earnestly encourage me to go for it because she’d somehow sensed that it was something good for me. I wished I had that ability, Esther, haha.

I wish for the best for you *winkz* hold on to it. Whether or not God will bring it to past, all you have to do is seek His will. Okay? Will be praying along with you, girl. I want a nice person to be my brother-in-law. So far so good, hmm. Gosh, I can’t believe I am the one feeling the excitement, heh. When can I have my turn? :p

T.H.E Carnival is back!

2006-09-25T11:43:00.000+08:00

This might be the first time for me but it is definitely nothing new for DUMC-ians as they witness the comeback of this event (view more about it here. I was so semangat about it then, but now? Plans changed. It clashes with a family trip to Genting, hmm. Anyway, I think Genting should be something good for me la. I do need a break. Mental break, heh.

It was finalised that Light House will be in charge of a stall. They have settled on selling burger, haha. They even came up with a name for the stall. Or is it the burger, heh. Connor’s burger, it shall be. No, burger Connor sounds better (burger corner actually. Heh). As a cell, we did some research last two weeks and having observed how the preparation was done by a random roadside burger man, we all got down to serious work last Friday, and our dear cell leader did a great job cooking the burger for a test run after cell two days ago. I loved the cheese, haha. Way to go, Connor!!

There’s the “goreng” duty, the “bungkus” duty and the cashier. Jaga money is quite a dangerous job, haha. Well, I was actually scheduled for first shift on Saturday and first and third shift on Sunday. But looks like I could only be on time for the third on Sunday since we would only be leaving Genting latest by 11 a.m. then stay for our Royal Rangers year end closing party with the kids. Looks like I have to rush straight for DUMC after rangers. Better than nothing la, hehe. So, hopefully I will still have some energy left for the carnival.

Updates to come after the event, next week *winkz*

Recuperating…

2006-09-23T09:13:00.000+08:00

It’s been a while. About a month. I will never know how much longer this journey will take but am I actually beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel? Am I anywhere near the top of the well that I have fallen from? Or a better picture would be am I swimming to shore again after a heavy storm that caused my boat to overturn and with me drowning? I sure hope so. It’s been inside me for goodness-knows-how-long and it sure feels good to let it all out. Although I don’t see the result of it yet, I know for sure that things will come to light soon, if not right now.

Perhaps the bowling event did its magic trick on me, haha. Well, anyway, yesterday was a day of reflection for me. As I received the weekly issue of SURGE from Evie, I can’t help feeling guilt pangs all over me. Some how or other, I found myself relating to the HEARTCRY portion, probably only in a slightly different manner. No, I definitely did not have a friend pass away but the isi tersirat was there la. In more sense than one, it was “speaking” to me. Then as I was chatting with her online late last night, she reminded me again of this article. A question for me to ponder DEEP: Who is in control?

Then, as I was watching the Chinese series on Astro Wah Lai Toi, nothing else was as outstanding as the comment this guy gave when he was fishing with his buddy. I remembered it in Cantonese. Let’s see if the translation makes any sense at all: FISHING DOESN’T NECESSARILY SEE YOU TO AN OUTCOME, MOST IMPORTANTLY TO ENJOY THE PROCESS OF IT (made any sense here? Haha). In other words, life’s events doesn’t necessarily always turn out good. Whether the results are positive or negative, it’s all for His glory. What’s important is the LESSONS WE LEARNT IN THE PROCESS.

Right this moment, my sis is letting this song play repeatedly on the computer. Perhaps God is saying I needed to get the meaning of this song drilled in my head.

There is a longing, only You can fill
A raging tempest, only You can still
My soul is thirsty lord to know you as I’m known
Drink from the river that flows before your throne

** Take me deeper, deeper in love with You
Jesus, hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper, deeper than I’ve ever been before
I just wanna love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Sunrise to sunrise, I can see Your face
Drawn by the spirit, to the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in you a hope that will abide
Here in your presence forever satisfied

Ooh yah, Esther, I’m so excited for you about the dream I got *winkz* I know how you feel. But if it’s something worth it, never let it past, ok? Whatever it is, pray about it yah? I sokong you… Mmmuuuaaahh *lol*

Edited: remember I said I was chatting with Evie online that night? Well, she was multi tasking, hehe. While chatting, she was preparing for worship for the next day. Believe it or not, when I look at the song sheet, this very same song was staring back at me. Goosebumps, haha. It definitely has to be God. I thought I felt distant from Him. But yet He was right there. I failed! I’m a miserable failure, but yet He was so gracious to point the truth out to me. I promise. I promise to climb back up, ok?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, J-SON!!

2006-09-23T02:23:00.000+08:00

[this post is almost a week late because of the problematic streamyx connection. Grrrggh!!]

Lynda, the Praise Givers birthday organizer had planned for a surprised birthday gathering for their beloved cell leader, J-Son and had invited Light House to join in the fun. To go or not to go? Contemplating between the two I had initially settled on the latter since I was working in JICA on that same day. Besides I did feel a little tired in every sense – physically, mentally and emotionally. But after much thinking, I decided that staying home wouldn’t help much either so I might as well just be around some fun.

I lost the video that I took on the joke they played on J-Son, so no chance of viewing. All I know is that poor J-Son was sporting enough to play along to it. One thing I noticed is that with DUMC young adults, there’s no escaping your birthday “torture”, haha.

OMG!! I cant believe they got me this thing and made me look 9 instead of 29, haih…

You guys better be careful ar, bullying me like that… I’m your cell leader, you know? Haha…

They made him some “special drink” and got him to take it down. Look at his fearful face, haha.

Eeeww, what’s this?? Am I really supposed to take it down?

Now, what else are they up to?? God, help me!!

Well, there begins my “nightmare”.

The fact that they were willing to spend extra cash on an extra birthday cake proved it all, heh. The cake was meant for his whole head to be smashed in it *lol*

an occasional “facial mask” is good for your face la, J-Son!

Well, only to have dinner at Marco’s Pizza was not enough. Their next plan was bowling at One Utama. Three teams compete: The Praise Givers, Light House and our special guest featuring the Father’s Garden.

I had actually wanted to give it a try, just one shot at the pins. Something new for me, who knows? But even the lightest ball was heavy for my strong right arm, hmm. I wanted to find an excuse to let out and I thought hitting the pins was a good way, haha. Well, I guess sitting there looking at them score should be good enough. I would occasionally let out a cheer for whichever team hits it, but that’s about it. The fun stops there. One from the Praise Givers and another from Father’s Garden came by to see how I was doing, but sorry my dears, I wasn’t up for any small chats then, heh. So anyway, we had some first timers and a few other experts. But all were seen putting great effort in to win the championship.

Anyways, more “surprises” for him at the bowling arena. With that board in hand, he was supposed to go round getting signatures of 17 different people. Strangers were friendly and sporting enough to comply to it, heh. With a few supporters following closely behind showing encouragement, he was game enough to be willing to be “tortured and humiliated” (that is what I love him for – his sporting attitude ;p). I bet it was more fun having his darling Esther tagging closely behind, occasionally encouraging and cheering for him.

After 2 whole games, we finally had a winner. The Praise Givers were unbelievable, Father’s Garden equally fantastic. Ooh, Light House just rock for winning the championship, hehe. What else, pose abit lah, keke. So we present to you the champions for this round: (L to R) Peter, his darling Nicole, J-Son the birthday boy, Connor, Roland (he's Alvin Toh's cousin from another cell in another totally different zone, so since he doesn’t have a team, the Light House gang pulled him in with them), Evie and myself juz stealing the lime light, haha.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, J-Son!!

Finally, this is the “real” cake.

She is Lynda Ling, the “culprit” behind all this. Good job, Lynda. I think I might need to get you to impart in me some ideas like that. Half as crazy is more than enough. Haha. Or maybe I just get you to plan for my next member’s birthday *winkz*

And so, I present to u the MD’s (Mommy & Daddy) of Praise Givers cell group. Aren’t they a sweet couple? Aaawww…

MY BUNCH OF BLESSINGS!!

2006-09-14T15:53:00.000+08:00

My little cuties have been practicing hard for our Selangor #7 Royal Rangers anniversary coming up this Sunday. Here’s a video of the complete last dance practice before they stand in front of the whole congregation of their parents & a few other invited outpost. What an adorable little lot *winkz*

[Sorry if the retrieving of the video takes too long.]

Although they may get a little on my nerve sometimes and start creating havoc in the class, generally they are a bunch of sweeties. The Ranger Kids’ outpost comprises of 5- to 8-year-olds. Their characters and behaviors vary from one another where some may be older in age, but not in maturity sense. Others may be young but they take on the matured mentality of a 7- or 8-year-old. A handful of the older ones, who have been with us in this outpost for a few years now have learnt the art of putting what they have learnt into actions. They have learnt to be courteous, helping to look out for the welfare of one another.

Royal Rangers is not only a place where the kids learn about God and outdoor survival skills. It is also about character building. Moulding them into who God wants them to be, indeed we have seen results in a few of them. They also learn to respect one another, be it with their peers or with the commanders. I, for one, have learnt that relationships can be built from every level. With relationships first with my children, I could go another level with their parents. Interactions with the adults give me a better view into the lives of the kids under me. Or vice versa if I want to get to know more about the parents. I still remembered the “warm welcome” they had given me, haha. As I returned last 2 weeks after two months of sabbatical, a few of them who are very attached to me came jumping in position on my lap, hugging me and demanded an explanation as to why I was missing for sooo long. Hmm, where did they learnt that from…

Anyways, I saw the dance for the first time 2 weeks ago. Goodness, they were so adorable. Commander Wendy, the dance instructor, really picked the group leaders well. They can really pose & shake, I tell you! Especially Hannah and Alycia, heh. They all looked so hot, especially with that James Bond pose at one part of the dance. Go, kids!! You can do it!!

As they repeated the dance again for the second practice, I happened to notice Kher Huey, as she was one of the leaders in front. As I was just looking at her, I couldn’t help but feel sad for her. She might be putting up a strong front, but deep down I know she was broken. I could see that look on her face when she met me to tell me that her mom had passed away. She only has her aunt to look after her now. Being the only child, I could feel her loneliness. Fate has left her with no choice but to learn to do it all on her own, and be as independent as she could. While other kids her age can still manja-manja with their mothers, she had to be strong. All I just hope for is that despite the physical loneliness that she is feeling right now, she will still know that God will be with her and she doesn’t have to carry it all on her own. Kher Huey, remember that I will always be praying for you, ok? Jesus loves you soooo much, and I do too *muaks*

Life has it’s up and downs, it’s all up to us how we choose to take it. I have questions. In fact unending questions to all that is happening right now. I have ups and downs too so I know how Kher Huey feels to be at the lowest valleys. But I guess it is just a testing that God is bringing us through while breaking and moulding us in the process. Well, hopefully I will be able to see the significant truth of Romans 8:28 soon. For now, I wanna make sure that I enjoy Selangor #7’s 18th “birthday”, haha. Stay tuned!

Exposed through and through!!

2006-09-12T04:13:00.000+08:00

Be careful what you ask for. There is a God who hears. I can guarantee and testify to that. Never have I experienced such instant results of answered prayers ever before and yesterday, I felt so “naked” before Him because of my own request! I have been tossing and turning around in the sea of confusion, restless and disturbed. Coming to Him time and again, desiring to surrender all of me at the Cross, I have to admit that I failed miserably!

Yesterday, I had prayed and asked that He speak to me through the speaker in whichever area that I needed to be ministered to. Scripture Reading was always first, followed by worship, then the Word. Whoa, believe or not, even the Scripture Reading was like a hammer on the nail. The minute Uncle Kee Huat mentioned Jeremiah 29:11, my heart started beating so fast. I knew that verse very well. What more could He do with that verse than to strike me (of course not in anger, but with love). I knew particularly which area He was getting at. OUCH!!

Peter Chen (Ps Sam’s brother) led in worship, and one of the songs that hit me: YOU ARE AWESOME IN THIS PLACE. I just couldn’t sing along. I felt so unworthy to sing it. Do I really acknowledge Him as awesome since I couldn’t even give my all to Him? Is He worthy of all my praises? No doubt, He should be. However, I couldn’t bring myself to say “To You my life I raise.” I failed miserably there!! But in another sense, He is awesome to still love me enough to speak to me, correct me and bring me out of that guilt.

As I come into Your presence
Passed the gates of praise
Into Your sanctuary
Til we’re standing face to face
I look upon Your countenance
I see the fullness of Your grace
I can only bow down and say

CHORUS:
You are awesome in this place, Mighty God
You are awesome in this place, Abba Father
You are worthy of all praise
To You our lives we raise
You are awesome in this place, Mighty God.

When it was time for Word, I was asking God what is He going to shoot at me with this time. No doubt the points that he shared on, which is to have a compassionate heart, did the magic trick, haha. Giving the story of The Good Samaritan, he challenged us never to be a Levi or a Jew, but a SAMARITAN. Jesus always had a heart of compassion, and we’re called to be reflectors of His heart. We’re called to SHOW COMPASSION, not just BE A MISSIONARY. Everyone can be a missionary, whether or not we like it or have the calling, but not everyone CAN have a heart of compassion. SO TRUE :p

He said there were 4 points to THE REASON WHY WE DUN OBEY GOD. Firstly, because we think He doesn’t use ordinary people. We think we’re not good enough for Him to use us just as we are. We take on the wrong conception that He only uses “superstars.” Secondly, it’s because we get overwhelmed by what we’re supposed to do. We worry about how we’re supposed to do it, could we ever do it well. Worry sets in when we don’t and can't achieve it for Him. He has called us to do something for Him, and when we don’t get it done like He wants it, we get our minds full of it. (I’m guilty!! *lol*)

There’s supposed to be three more points I think, but for second service, he only managed 2. Stopping at the second, he said he sense very strongly that the Holy Spirit is telling some of us in the congregation (to me la) to LET GO OF THE THING YOU’VE BEEN HOLDING ON TO!! Walao!! Hebrews 11:1, which is also DUMC’s theme for this year, tells us what faith is all about so I’m just believing. If I’m hanging on to this verse, where did I go wrong that nothing seems to be working out? Yes, I have been holding on, but that’s because I merely held on to the promise of Hebrews 11:1, now He’s telling me “to let go?”

I can't do it!! It has been the same for the past similar events. If You want me to let go, help me!! If You want me to overcome it, help me with this “test”!! And help me fast, please!! I’ve been “exposed through and through” in shame before You, I dun think there’s anyone who can “help me up” other than You!!

DO WISHES COME TRUE?

2006-09-09T07:23:00.000+08:00

Here I am trying to encourage a friend in the midst of her down-ness, there I am having uncertainties myself. All these uncertainties have been around since the past 4 to 6 weeks. I saw myself slowly coming out of the moodiness when I noticed some changes in myself since the last week of August. Or so I thought. Could I have been only trying to bury it deep down without resolving the issue, in the hope that it would soon go away if I do not pay attention to it?

Do wishes come true? Is it true that only good people get their wishes granted, and the rest of the not-good-enough people will be put on hold or on a waiting list? Reading Peter’s latest entry on the irony of fulfilled wishes, the thought that came to my mind was “will I ever be able to say the same for myself?” From every aspect – physically, emotionally, spiritually – I’ve been having wishes & desires ever so recently. I want to see them come to past for the Lord, but nothing seems to be happening.

I feel happy for Peter, having all his wishes & dreams come to past like he said. But then again, it made me reflect on my own life, just to see that nothing of such sort is happening. My mom told me this morning, that I gotta learn to have more self esteem. So is it merely because I don’t believe in myself much enough for God to give me all that I wanted? I am reminded of the peak season in my life that everything sailed smoothly in the sea of favour from God. The last half of 2005 over to the first half of 2006 was a blast but what is happening now?

2 wishes, just TWO!! Is it too much of a request? Or does God see it as a demand? Is He not going to give it to me at all? I wish… I wish *sigh* All I can say is I envy you, Peter.. Haha..